Treasure Life

Life is precious and it's always running out it's like a hourglass thats constantly moving to the other side. some hourglass just break into pieces and some run out of time faster than others..
The past few months have all seen loved ones and friends pass on. Yes it's' part of life cycle but yet sometimes we find it hard to accept and to let go of that person whom we love and treasure.
So it's time to look back at our lives and make right our ways of living thtis short life. Make full use of the opportunities given and use your talents wisely so when the time comes we'll be rewarded by our father in heaven.

Already Over - Red

You never go
You're always here (suffocating me)
Under my skin
I cannot run away
Fading slowly

I'd give it all to you
Letting go of me
Reaching as I fall
I know it's already over now
Nothing left to lose
Loving you again
I know it's already over, already over now

My best defense, running from you
I can't resist, take all you want from me
Breaking slowly

I'd give it all to you
Letting go of me
Reaching as I fall
I know it's already over now
Nothing left to lose
Loving you again
I know it's already over, already over now

You're all I'm reaching for
It's already over
All I'm reaching for!
It's already over now

I'd give it all to you
I offer up my soul
It's already over, already over now!

Give it all to you
Letting go of me
Reaching as I fall
I know it's already over now
Nothing left to lose
Loving you again!
I know it's already over now!
It's already over now!
I know it's already over, already over

Love this song by red means a lot to me

Contemplation

It's been five months coming close to six since I've started working in LPAV. But lately I've been thinking to myself. Is this what i want? or Is this where i should be? I'm thinking if this is where God wants me? or is it where I want to be myself. It's been five months and there hasn't been much of a progress and it's still strining my spiritual walk with God and I'm thinking of throwing in the towel. Yet again i think to myself whether God has put me here to test me.
my trip down to PD has put a lot of questions to my being in this company and also a lot of strins to my thought of knowing what i want to do at this present time.
The fact that i'm planning to go to bible school also comes in to the picture as to whether i'm taking the right steps to ensure that and whtherni should persevere and hang in here to put my limits to the test to see how resilient i really am. I really need some guidance one this one. please God help me make the right choices.

life's a journey

In every walk of life there's always up's and down's. People grow tired of the schedules becoming a routine each day. Some people find it easy to be repeating the same thing day after day not having to use their brain power too much. While others prefer a new challenge everyday. Yet not everyone gets what they want.. To think that i'm starting to get bored of what i'm ding was unimaginable just 2 months ago but now.. i'm starting to feel the wear of the routined life of fixing up things and standing by. I pray i do get to go somewhere to do the first part of my dream which is taking videos and exploring on film. I'll get there one day..

Southtown-P.O.D.

the lapse of societal care

friend..

friend

Friend.. (what?)

friend(who?)

See.. this is the scenario
what's a friend when ya got none
where's that man? where's that friend?
they call you man i need yo help
you can't not help coz they your man
but what comes to it in the end
when you look for men they lose you
and you get them asking who

i stay wide
i go low
you get high when i say go
and when i say no you say hell boy what's with the no
i say yo fella come time for the bell ya
don't stick around for this yo fella
you treat me high when i was fine
but time goes by and when i say hi you don't even care
you just walk by and bye ain't coming out even when i greet ya
ya smile and stick it up to man behind me walking pass beside me

and that's the reason why i call it treason
ain't no other reason for a man to go to prison
and come out the same just like the day they gagged him and gave him the cane
what's with the name change does the heart remain the same
does the the life turn around
will society let him walk back around
thats the truth of the matter the world fall down in laughter

feb02-07

losing my head, losing you

It's only been what? a little less than two years since pops.
What's happened? I know it's a little too late to say this coz you can't hear it. but why? i'm frustrated and saddened by the choice made. Who will watch her now? Couldn't you take another alternative. You could've came back. You're not even with papa.. why? i can't stop asking this question. You know we love you and you can always turn to us, but i guess you didn't..
It's over now.. can't turn back time. the days spent have come to an end and there's no one left to pretend. what got to you? You..... i can't say anything now.. i can't..

when darkness turns to light

It ends tonight.. well what you might ask?
No not some relationship or anything.. not the good luck streak or whatever.. it's my pretty voice.. it just turned pretty sexy now.. well it was sexy after the UNITED concert lolz.. couldn't even talk properly.. oh right i was so close to cathing an autograph cd but missed coz i didn't make that jump in fear of hitting my lil mei mei and a really huge lady standing beside her XD wakaka.. forgive my insolence just can't help it.. i dun wanna fall into her though she might pick me up and toss me out the backdoor wahahaha.. XDXD okok i sound mean now.. right, lets talk about somthing else eheh.. oh guess i'm a lyricist for an independant band so some of the stuff you see here are for them. they're some hardcore amateur band so support them ya.. since i wrote their lyrics heheh.. Sad thing is.. youth camp moved from 11 to 12 so it also ends a day later instead of 15 it moved to 16 which clashes with the WWW thing i'm suppost to perform dang!! oh well maybe God says NO!!!! lolz.. i'll take that for ananswer lah.. see i'm a gud boy wahah. Nwy I've thought of an acoustic song.. so here are the lyrics

walking in history i -
found myself left in misery when -
i looked back at the things so -
stupid i thought i'd done right
but was so wrong

I couldn't stand to -
see the fall of the beacon light if i -
knew it would lead to this -
pain i'm feeling inside__
the void i am trying to hide___

Is anyone seeing
I'm falling, I'm falling down and down
Is anybody hearing my screaming
I'm screaming out aloud
To you, To^ \you


tobe continued...
jamestan © 2006

Stand in the Rain - Superchic(k)

She never slows down
She doesn’t know why but she knows that
When she’s all alone it feels like its all coming down

She won’t turn around
The shadows grow long and she fears
If she cries that first tear, the tears will not stop raining down

So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it’s all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won’t drown
And one day what’s lost can be found
You stand in the rain

She won’t make a sound
Alone in this fight with herself
And the fears whispering if she stands she’ll fall down

She wants to be found
The only way out is through everything
She’s running from, wants to give up and lie down

So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it’s all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won’t drown
And one day what’s lost can be found
You stand in the rain

falling off the edge

Don't actually feel like posting anything but i am anyway..
Life sometimes can be so exhilirating with events and joy and yet sometimes it can tear your bones apart.. The silence makes you wanna scream. Tearing apart the white void that surrounds.. In times when you need people beside you those far away are acceptable for an excuse.. but those near you turn their heads away and show you their f***in bare back.. so in your face. as soon as you reach your hand to them. Then everything fades into the white.. So pure but yet filled with demons like lucifer drawin hell to you. the white so white... that it actually burns you.. then you start to see red.. your eyes swell up. Blood gushes from your pores.. your tears flow with crimson rivers... the fire torments you but you don't die.. your veins at the brink of bustin yet they stretch your every muscle to hurt you with the pain unbearable... everything around you is flames and flames not like those of a candle.. but those red hot lava flowing down burning anything in it's way. Just a touch of water is all you need. Screaming your agony and pain... you f'kin "friends" don't hear anything when you squirm in the inside longing for a hand to hold.. the noisy silence i call it.. you yell but there's no sound, no noise, no words nothing uttered in the endless void.. Is this all to life or is there more to the narrow pipe of disaster flushing down the dirt and shit of life.
The waves beat higher.. the storm spins faster... they pull you down.. drown you and drain your very last breath. you suffer the endless toss.. the bottomless depth the screaming plunge which can't be heard by selfish humans who care less bout anything but their own soul for cryin out loud. The writer sits at the edge of his seat. fallin off the edge of my seat.

The Depth Of My Being

Beneath the surface of this being lies the untouched mind.
Unformed to it's prefection by the world around the mind lies bare, vulnarable to the changes of sudden effects. sometimes shrinking it to the toughest state. writers blog some call it the mind can't think of anything. It's sources and libraries locked away. Still the undaunted raw mind be unencumbered and unending with thoughts waiting to see and be seen by the world. many find hard to understand and the mind is many times understated and underestimated. maybe if it's more refined and brought under fine supervision for a time to be unlocked and rearranged and then maybe it would become a powerful thing.

Of Sinners and the Forgiven

I was a sinner now forgiven
No one told me
I was wrong in my doing
How couldn't I see
Was i so blind
The truth passed by me
Couldn't set me free?

I saw no light only the beaten
Defeated in battle
I couldn't stand alone
No comrades beside
Was i alone
The arrows couldn't hit me
Couldn't they kill me?

But I held on
To Faith unseen but not ungiven
Hope bell rings in a distance
The battle was about to be won
My Lord He came and took me
To higher ground he brought me
I was a sinner but now forgiven
Not to be perfect just forgiven
Testify my hope to them people
so they may be forgiven too

Can't this life be less downing
The battles less hurting
The waters less drowning
I wish none of this was for us to go through
But then there's no reason for me to be anymore
So that's what i was created for

james tan © 2006 1409-010-019

life's a why and how

how life can be when a nail's stuck in the woodwork. when you've hammered the nail so deep that you can't pull it out. The nail become an eyesore after being left for long, rusted and old, staining the woodwork from the water that flows downwards as the rain hits. Leaving a mark and stain on the wood. No matter how the nail is being removed there's always a hole in the wood.

why is it that the hole can't be covered back to it's comdition before the nial was put through the wood? a new nail is being looked for to fill that gap. When the nail gets too rusted and expands in it's place it breaks the wood. Craking lines form around it as it rust and expands. It soon become a pain in the back for the wood. It's so hard to move it. how come the wood has to suffer? how come the wood can't regrow and repair itself off the nail's hole. why? why is the nail so selfishly wanting to stab the wood and not let go and putting a crack in the wood? In time to come the wood will break in two and the nail will lose out too. Is it so hard to remove a nail?

Where the love last forever

Sometimes everything just seems to fall apart. The picture frame breaks into a million pieces. When the last drop of water come for the rest of summer what happens next is drought.

How do you get something through a sheet of film without tearing it... sometimes pain of the ripping film of skin can hurt forever. The hole left inthe sheet can never recover. Sometimes You'll just hate yourself for putting that scar onto the sheet. The world hates you for it.
You wanna move on to the next moutain but your sleeves are cought in the valley.

friend of no man (sonnet)

A man is built from dust and sand
his fate is determined not less than his decisions
his indulgence in society is fragile not less than glass
his trust is built on pyramids of crystals upside down
standing on one point, of any imbalance the fall and crash
as hard as it is built easier still it come crashing down
trust and integrity takes long and deep efforts to build
time and sweat and even blood to an extent
the blood calls they say when a close friend is betrayed
the recklessness of society in handling a man
the incapabilities of individuals of fame and fortune
causes the fall and downhill ride for a man caught in the feud

of society's greed and lust
the latter is left a friend of no man

12:42 a.m. June 22, 06

The tragedy

See the world turn around in it's orbit and everything seems to be in order as some would see it. The world make s a better place for some while the brest surrers the impudence of mankind. What folly that man walks in degrading morality while advancing in technology. The hearts of man is void while they seek to find an answer to fill the empiness. Some through books and books flying through words secluding themselves from the real sufferings of man beyond their sight. So blinded by goals and gold that falls before their eyes ignoring the bloody sweat shed by those less "fortunate" working behind every riches that they see and touch but never theirs to keep. What makes them less fortunate? where else can man look then inside. The prejudism and pride of their hearts. Seemingly claiming themselves strong and 'the rest' weak. The weak it seems being suppressed and killed to fulfill the wants and 'needs' of the strong. What so blinds man is greed. What is greed then? Greed the source of all suffering in man against man towards man. Greed drives a man towards the hunger of power and superiority.

Nietzsche has said the rulers should fear the people not the people to fear the rulers. Revolution will cause a kingdom to stumble. Why the eligence of soldiers toward the ruler? Dying for one man's power? Is it worth the sacrifice? Equality in the ranks of men peace will be birthed. Thus the philisophy of communism. I'd say commonism the main thing. Yet in man greed always overpowers them wanting more. The founders of the philosophy itself never lived to see the perfect idea come to it's own distruction. In it because in the idea itself a man is placed to be over men. The world will never fall into order as long as man live as rulers over other men. How you spend the rest of your life depends on the beliefs and philosphy. Even the man who wonders in the street has his ideas and philosophy of life. Mind is given man to decern some better than others. The practices of man determines the ability and many misuse the wisdom and understanding to exploit those less able. Laws made to keep humanity in stablity, yet exist those in which the laws were created twists and manipulation of the written to their own exploits and gains. Tis the irony and tragedy

9 hardest times(snagged this from someone's blog XD)

9 hardest times of ones life:

1) being questioned when you yourself don't understand.

2) pretending to be innocent of what you know about.

3) trying to forget something you know you never will.

4) admitting you were wrong after you have been so insistent that you were right.

5) debating with yourself

6) accepting the fact that somethings are not meant to be.

7) trying to understand when you just can't.

8) realizing that you have been tricked after you've given your whole trust

9) parting and letting go of some you've loved all your life

Treasure life

Ever been around people who don't treasure life?

It stinks.. Life is already so prescious and fragile it could be taken anytime.
But yet around us there are people who take unnecessary risk in life recklessly risking life and wasting it away.

Reckless driving, Access driking, Pot etc etc I would come to consider this as suicide since it's wasting your life away not for the good and not looking after the temple of the Holy Spirit. Whatever we do with our bodies we're answerable to the one who made it. I'd say it's one of the talents given us to use it for the Master's glory and if we don't use it right we'd be cast to the darkest part of the earth so far, unredeemable.

And holding other's life in your hands.. what are we to say if we cause the death of other innocent people? what are we to say? In the end, everything we do we have to answer to Him who created and gave life to all creature

Which reality?

Lying down drowsily ready to sleep and call it a day. Noise come from the window near to your bed you doze off..
Then the next morning you wake up later than usual. You walk to the sink and sober up. You can't recall what happened last night but everything is normal. You walk out of your quarters and look around. You think it's sunday and head to the church. As you draw near there's not as many people as you thought there would be. You step inside and try to go to the sanctuary as you get closer to the door someone approaches you and wishes you 'good morning'. You smile and as you walk through the door someone else approaches you and asks if this was your first time to the premise. You think to yourself, ''don't they know me? I've been coming here for years and they act like I'm a stranger''. You walk to someone you think is familiar and he smiles to you as you approach. Before you could speak he asks for your name. You are shocked and asks "Don't you know who i am?" he replies gently as if he's not sure what's going on "no, who are you? You look around for another familiar face and ask the same question and get the same reply. You ask a few more people and all the same reply; no one knows you.
You stand in the corner trying to get yourself together. You ask someone what place this was and what's going on and he says "Oh, it's a club and we're having a meeting. We have it every sunday" "Would you like to be a member?" Confused, you ask him "are you all christians?" His face questions you question and asks "christians? what is that?" You stare at him in disbelieve and quickly leave the premise. You run as fast as you could trying to find someone farmiliar to talk to or to get an explanation. Everyone seems to be normal, nothing seemed to have drastically changed except no one knows who you are. As you run and run you vission blurs your mind cannot take the pressure and the change.. You fall to the ground looking at the sky people crowd around you to see what happened. Thing's fade slowly and you can hardly breathe and everything turns black..

So what it reality? which was the reality? What had happened? Was it a conspiracy? Did someone have something against you and paid everyone else to do this to you? Did the government erase your identity? Is it a dream? or did you wake up from another dream? Is this reality? Or was the days before this reality? or is it the new reality? What is it? What is truth? What's happening? What happened the day before? which is REALITY?

The Err is I

Ever felt like you’ve let go of something and it feels so much better? Sometimes it does happen and sometimes they just don’t come along the way you’d expect them to. Through the last year and a half I’ve been learning to let go of something that I thought was what I could hold on to but I learned some things the long and hard way. Through some heart aches and sleepless nights, I thought it’d better be for me to lose that rope I have around my neck. All the fallacy and errs that were shown were ignored to the last strand of hope inside the soul of the traveler who wishes to not be on a journey with no support. But alas he finds himself in a valley full of flowers behind high fences. Only able to admire their beauty from a distance but never able to touch, nor feel their presence. The only opening is along the fences on both sides where he is only able to walk through in a straight path towards the end of the valley at the end of the fences. How ironic, this valley full or gardens overflowing with flowers but all behind fences unable to be enjoyed nor touched by the outsider. The only thing the traveler can do is keep traveling until he exits the valley and a new world is shown and the valley is forgotten him and he the valley. Through night and day he travels the long valley only on the road has he space to rest. No bed no tent but on the damp ground of soil he settles down each night. Even the hill before had houses who took him in to rest which he stayed for a while before realizing he’s been staying in a place he shouldn’t be. He’s traveled the valley for almost 12 seasons and hasn’t seen the end. It sure is a long valley deep below the mountains. He sets his eyes on the hill ahead and heads there hoping to find a hut to rest a comfortably in. Looking back in the 10 seasons and all that has happened a conclusion he’s come to is the err is his with his face against a fence hoping one day to reach for a flower from the valley.