The Easter Post

A man traveling through the great city once known to have the most glorious building known as the Temple, once stood in all its magnificent glory now only in a rubble and one wall standing...

As he stood there staring at the enormous wall..things began to twirl around felling dizzy and unsure of what was happening he felt himself lifted up and began spinning till everything went black..

When everything finally came to a stop he slowly opened his eyes.. must've been a bad headache he thought to himself. As he turned around to walk back to his lodge he noticed from the corner of his eye something different about the wall, so he turn about to get a better look again and true enough the wall was different. It was proper and no cracks to be found on it no eroding bricks or broken edges was seen.. "What happened?!" panicking he quickly looked around hoping to find something familiar. But to his horror the buildings around him before were gone, he could see only dirt covered huts a little distance away, small square buildings were the only sort of buldings seen around. The roads were dustier than ever and then he noticed people wearing robes in front of what was the temple front, but their robes werre different from what he saw earlier at the wall and now there was no one facing the wall. He hurried down to see what was happening.. The Temple stood there.. There was no longer a mosque on the flat concrete, there was no concrete! It was the temple he was facing. Suddenly the people in front of the temple noticed him. They shouted "Who are you?!" and "What are you doing there?," He couldn't find the words to answer, the language he learnt was a little different.. suddenly someone shouted "He's a spy!!" realizing he was in deep trouble, he turned and ran as fast as he could toward the little houses, the closest he could find looking for a place to hide. He ran and ran, turned at corners trying to avoid anyone in sight looking for an open door or a hole he could just run in to hide, then he saw a small opening at the end of one of the lanes and dashed toward it as fast as he could but as he turned.. Wham!! he ran into a big wall.. he didn't see it there before.. again he was in a daze.. everything went blank and all he could hear was the ring in his head from the hit..

...to be con't..

Making Decisions

In life there's so many things we go through that shape our life, shape our values and goals at the end of the day. We grow up under the tender and loving care of our parents for those of us who are blessed to see our begotters till our mature age. They choose the things that they deem to be purposeful, things that will help us grow, nurture us to grow up to be good people. Luk 11:11 "Now suppose one of you fathers is asked by his son for a fish; he will not give him a snake instead of a fish, will he?.....(11:13) So if you who are evil know how to give good gifts to your children..."

As we grow older we are given more responsibility and more choices to make. Instead of being fed, we have to work for our food. Slowly and under careful watch we learn the lesson of choice and consequence and we learn to be responsible mature adults at the end of the day. I for one am an example of this lesson and have grown to appreciate the times i am able to discern for myself the things which i'm called to. Yes it's true i've made choices that do not reflect the Father, but i'm under his gracious love and careful watch. And to my lost it took me so many years of my intellectual age to realize this truth and reality of life.

Even to the many mistakes I've made along the way from growing up given the chance to make mistakes, fall and pick myself up again I'm ever thankful for His mercy and care. Through the years I was in college, picking up bad habits and falling time and time again into temptations to fall short I'm ever tried and torn in the reality that I still haven't awaken to face which is that i can't do it on my own. From the time i've finished college to the transition of work i continue to make choices that saddens the Father as He watches with pain and always longin to see me turn back to Him.

It's when i finally lost the reason for fighting for my life and being called by the helper that i finally looked back to him. And when i did, He called. I answered without hessitant. My plans and goals, put on hold, even some were totally thrown away. However, even as i answered that call and went to seminary it was a blunt, blind and goalless path with my eyes so filled with my own desires. I was still falling in my ways and though in a seemingly safe environtment I was running away, making my own decisions, putting the "ME" at the centre of my life. It took me a year after to realize that the "I" was sitting and ruling my own heart. I cried, and i wept when i realized my foolishness in my own ways.. I've hurt the father so many times that an earthly father might resort to disown a son, but He so lovingly shed His blood that i might be forgiven and made whole so i may come to Him again.

I thought to myself that if i had gone away to another place to learn more of His word I might not turn out half as bad as i went. But the truth in the matter is that no matter where i went, if my heart wasn't prepared i will end up the same as i am in my possition here. It's to the realization that He needs to be the centre and on the throne of our hearts that will transform us into submitting to His will.

i do not deny the fact that there is a chance i might be different from what i went through here if i went abroad, but when i do come back as a different person so to speak what impact will it cause to the lives of those i mingle with here. They will but look at me and say "OH, He's changed now we can't go near to him..."? Is that the person i want to see myself become? Yes i do want to change into a better Christ-like person but i see myself being placed here so that my change gradually will also gather those around me to be changed into what He's called us to. And it is my prayer that i will be a light unto this world more and more each day, a life i will myself to sacrifice for the sake of His Kingdom and His love. I still am learning to be more and more like Him. It's a lesson and a choice of surrender and submission to Him in which i have to make each day.

Making Decisions  POSTED AT 03:09 AM January 26th, 2009

Praise Belongs To You

Gave me life
Washed me clean
Took my sins
upon the cross
Shed your blood
bore my shame

pre# now all i live is for Your name
All my days proclaim Your fame

Ch# I'm gonna sing Your praise
Gonna raise it to the ends of the earth
gonna praise You till the end of days
My life i choose to live for You
All Glory and Praise to You
Jesus my praise belongs to You

Showed the world
You love so great
To give Your live
a sacrifice
So that all
Might be called to you

**
Now all I'm called
Is to give my all
All you want is
for me to take your love
to all the world

Change? What change?

The recent things happening around us in this lifetime are changing for the better or the worse as we deem it good or bad for us. Everyday changes are happening around us, some that we know and others that we know not of.

Our life as Christians should be one that has undergone change the day we first received the gift of salvation and that if we really, truly in our hearts know the meaning of salvation. What does it mean to enter into the kingdom of God? Are we in for the amount of 'blessings' we are able to get from Him? are we then, in it for the sake of His love for us that He had given us His life?

A lot of us pray for change to happen. We ask God to change our situation, we ask Him to change our bosses, we ask Him to change those around us, or those more righteous will ask God to change our lives, or change the world to be a better place. Asking Him to change our community, our nation, and lives. But do we look inside the center of it all? Why isn't anything happening? why do we still see the world to be a place full of brokenness, where revival is not happening or seems so near yet so far.

We are not in need of change. We are lacking in repentance. God has given in us the cross everything. We ask for more of Him, more of the Holy Spirit, but the truth in the matter is that He has given us more than we need. The cross has said it all, He has given it all. The question is are we letting Him work in us, through us. Do we allow Him to use us. If we truly genuinely have experienced the gift of salvation, the grace he has shown us, if we really understand the meaning of his death on the cross that change that we so ask of Him for will happen starting from within us because He has enabled us through the power of the Holy Spirit.

If we Do not repent don't talk about change, if we don't make a choice, don't talk about change.. If only we repent, turn from our own ways, understand the grace that He has given us and make that conscious decision to change then only change will take place. We can't change if we keep on praying "God change me" and do nothing about our own lifestyle. If we do not align our world view to the way God sees things how will change take place?

We need to turn from our wicked ways, take up our cross, follow Jesus. Do we have the heart for the lost? Do we see those around the way God sees them? He has died on the cross for all of them even the neighbor you hate so much, even the junkie that you despise. The fact that He has died on the cross says that they are worthy to receive his gift. Who are we to judge whether he or she is worthy of receiving the saving grace of the Father? Judge not lest we be judge by the measure in which we judge. We are called to tell of the goodnews, the gospel of the cross to everyone regardless of who they are, so unless our minds are renewed and our worldview changed, that we start reaching out to those around us that change will happen according to God's plan and purpose.

life isn't

life isn't just about earning or making a living, it's not just about establishing our carreer

life isn't about going for what we want

it's not about fame and fortune

yea

but what surrounds me now is all that crap and the need for that trash

everyone is striving to make their piece while some of us are left out cast coz we don't meet "their" standards and feel distress that everyone is turning that way

feeling hopeless becasue the ones that were close to them indulge in things that will take away their life

Nobody Knows

Nobody knows
Nobody knows but me
That I sometimes cry
If I could pretend that I'm asleep
When my tears start to fall
I peek out from behind these walls
I think nobody knows
Nobody knows no

Nobody likes
Nobody likes to lose their inner voice
The one I used to hear before my life
Made a choice
But I think nobody knows
No no
Nobody knows
No

Baby
Oh the secret's safe with me
There's nowhere else in the world that I could ever be
And baby don't it feel like I'm all alone
Who's gonna be there after the last angel has flown
And I've lost my way back home
I think nobody knows no
I said nobody knows
Nobody cares

It's win or lose not how you play the game
And the road to darkness has a way
Of always knowing my name
But I think nobody knows
No no
Nobody knows no no no no

Baby
Oh the secret's safe with me
There's nowhere else in the world that I could ever be
And baby don't it feel like I'm all alone
Who's gonna be there after the last angel has flown
And I've lost my way back home
And oh no no no no
Nobody knows
No no no no no no

Tomorrow I'll be there my friend
I'll wake up and start all over again
When everybody else is gone
No no no

Nobody knows
Nobody knows the rhythem of my heart
The way I do when I'm lying in the dark
And the world is asleep
I think nobody knows
Nobody knows
Nobody knows but me
Me

Want You

Started off as friends
I-was walking down the hallway
When-you caught my eyes
Stared at each other
And it seemed like forever to me

You smiled and looked away
Walk with your friends— out-the doorway
Hooked up the next day
Came a long way from there
Now we’re falling apart….

Am I tired of being used
Or is it something I won’t do
Could it be, just the thing, that we do
Coz all the time, we’ve waited for this moment
There’s nothing right, just feelings and emotions
Stirred about us, left by the others
What could it be?
(I’d want you)

You told me you’d never leave me
You said it’ll be forever, never to end..
Sold me out, thrown-me-out-the-window
Now you want me
You want it back….

jamest (c) 2008 tuesday november 04, 2008

Looking Up

Sometimes looking around us brings a sense of helplessness. trying to decern the things that happen in the past and present situations, hoping to get something out of it. Many times i've made decisions i will go head on with till the day i die but as i look back some of those i've made i now live in regret of making those impulsive conscious decisions that affect the lives of those around me as well. as i look up i find that the sovereignty of the one above is too much for me to handle. I've tried not to think of the things that will wear me down but sometimes i just can't help it. 

Feelings inside me can churn me up that the wounds i experience outside are nothing in comparison the the cut i feel inside. As i sit in one corner and she in the other i reflect on what we've shared and what we've selfishly decide making things look so complicated when simple and simple when meant to be complicated. Nothing is what it seems to me now.. i question some of what i hold to be valueble and create new values of life from those deceased words of experience.

Everything is Beautiful

Worn out, Wasted

Like bird with broken wings

Sometimes grace reminds me

I don't get to be the king...

but love it washes over

love it pulls me closer

love it changes everything..

everything is Beautiful

even when the tears are falling

i don't need a miracle to believe

even in the crashing down

i can hear redemption calling

and everything is beautiful to me

sweetly you release me

from the weight of what i've done

the trigger pulls the hammer

but the bullets never come..

love like a landslide, like the wind

spins around and pulls me in

and it's unveiling i begin....

Solitude, Silence and Prayer

I'd say the ideal way to living life to the fullest is being in a fellowship of those tuned in to the truth revealed about the one God. I find myself seeing the the possibility of seeking out a place of solitude only with those disciplined and full of the wisdom of God. The call to a life of silence, only speaking nothing but profound and wise words, words of truth about the reality of this world, all seeking for more enlightenment and revelation from the Creator Himself. The world in all seems to produce more and more misconceptions about life including those of credentials of knowledge made by the folly of man. I find that if only we lived in tune with the ways of God, we will understand the wisdom and folly in existence all around us. If we tune ourselves away from the distractions of this world and focus only on the truths that the Father has placed in our lives we'll be able to find the peace and wisdom through prayer.

Faceless Man

People write about things they feel in the present state they're in or about the thoughts they have hogging over them for a period of time. Sometimes it's just a random fact or fortune that they put into existence.

All the works done by an artist sometimes aren't appreciated or seen of any value until a later part in history or when they die perhaps? No form of recording were available in time of their creating the pieces of expression. Certain number of their contribution are accepted by the general society but yet most of it are considered worthless cept-by a small group of non-conformist who find those left out by society to be intriguing in a certain way making sense out of the things that mean nothing to the rest of the world. Yet the most wonderful and priceless pieces of expressions are no where to be found unless they are brought back from the dead to record the things on their mind. The journeyman writing has but many of his visions left in the secret of his mind left unpublished in the other world. Those revealed are nothing but a fraction of the pertaining ideas hidden in the tunnels of his imagination, unreachable, untouchable, never able to be brought out due to lack of the sciences still far away from discovering truth even about the existance of this world from the perspective of man who presumes there is no god but yet fail to find an answer to their theories of existance.

One man embarks on a journey of his life finding no peace in everything he does even though his perception of life lies in the faith of his childhood that there is a greater one out there. This world however has many-a-times ill treated the journeyman and his thoughts of wisdom left unattended to and dismissed by the aged and seemingly wise to the standard of their calculation. Yet as young as the journeyman might seem, the hiddden treasures lay burried until the day a soul is able to unearth the secrets of the black heart of the faceless man. The journeyman lays faceless in this world of a million beings unaccounted for but only known by the one above. Trapped in the severity of the proud big men in his lifetime, the pride of those seemingly wiser and experienced in life or so it seems but yet fail to live out the words they speak and preach; it all goes to the dust and the wind comes and carries them away. The journeyman, strives to reach the state of better imperfection that those before him have tried to but fail, even though the road which he travels on seems impossible as there is no end to the road he sees yet his faith tells him to go on and on till the last breath is drawn.

Journeys through the mountains and valleys are part of the road, steep and stable are the terrains of life. This is the road that the faceless man has chosen, not to accomplish anything for his own pride and honor but that one day his face might be brought high in the high places by the judge of life.

Calling Quits?

People say don't do things only to end up giving up half way through. I find that true though it only applies to certain things in life. There are some things better calling quits than letting it distract you from all priorities and sometimes this calls for a sacrifice to be made sometimes not just one but a whole package of sacrifices which could include what ppl call friends and members. Still it's under comtemplation and available for second thoughts. Though i agree music is one of my passion i still find that somethings aren't as necessary as it would seem. Even though it's been in my list of things to do which is starting a band i think it's time i give up on one and take on another, a better one perhaps? Oh well, though it could be in regret leaving one or if lucky two valueble friends otherwise it's all been dealt with by the way things goes of taking into consideration a "family" as what people seem to asume to be treated. It's not to say i wouldn't miss the company for the short span of time that was there but it could be something to lay aside seeing it might not be worth putting so much effort into if all you might get in return is a group of exclusives hungry for high society companions and there willing for a period of time and when all's worn thin moving on to the next victim. Buddies or not sometimes.. if not as a fact: nothing in this world last anyway.

I've much a many times felt like quitting on my pursuit for depth of insight and knowledge but i know if i push on in this, the end would be rewarding. Yes, i'm behind many of my assignments however i'm still gonna push through and brush aside petty matters that were around to pull my attention away from what's more important which is what i've already set my goal on in the first place.

pebble thoughts

Sun rise in the break of dawn
Where ever you've gone
I know you're alone
The promises i made
were meant to last
though the memories
seem like dust
my thoughts of you will stay the same

Skies turn grey from blue
Waves crash on shores of rocks
from dawn to dusk
our love will last
till end time comes
or one of us gets taken away
while time permits my trust
these are my pebble thoughts

winds change without our knowing
life can be harsh
on us we know
the sanctity of life
still remains true
and one day
when it breaks down
it's all up to us to hold our trust

love can be tested
still i'll never back down
one step at a time
i'll make you mine
and for that ever, we'll find


words by jamest 01:46 sep 25 2008

ramblings of the empty hearted. souless maybe?

so.. tell me the meaning of life.
well life is kinda hard to describe. there's always mountains and valleys we need to scale.

the view from the mountain is magnificent. but to get there. thats the hard part. isnt it?
yeah. as hard as it may seem when you reach up there, the prize is just rewarding. as easy at the valley would be, i mean yeah you'll see the beauty if it right in front of you but the vision is close if not too far, but the mountains.. you'll see everything

what then do we say of men spawning evil in their cores? of evil men of evil deeds that know no bounds, tied in the hearts of those closest to us. how then do we save them? the lost, the broken and the damned?
the lonely?

now lets talk about a girl. story of a girl perhaps?
maybe

tell me. how would you describe her?
awesome person, fine person to talk with.. with some depths perhaps?

she's found love. and that resonates. gives hope in a way. that, that ill natured feeling is somehow and someways still out there. truth often comes from the least expected places. so if love is real. where the hell is it? not here in me that is.
hope? oh that which play us so many a times. when exactly do we see it? do we feel it? or do we understand the true meaning of the word? truth is hope is never too far away yet sometimes we just can't reach it.. she's the valley he's the mountain. a perfect blend that causes it all to resonate.

aight. thats all for now. thank you for tuning in to the mindless ramblings of me,
and me. peace out.

conversations of the sages 2008 09 05

Larut

Dewa - Larut
Mungkin aku pernah juga..
Merasakan cinta..
Tapi tak pernah..seindah ini..

Mungkin aku juga pernah
Merasakan rindu..
Tapi tak pernah..Sedalam ini

Mungkin kamu takkan pernah..
percaya..
Bahwa sesungguhnya..
aku t'lah terjatuh.

Chorus:
Kuakui aku telah larut
Larut ke dalam
Kamu yang kucintai

One of my fav songs from indo.. :D

Creator God

You made the stars
The sand on the shores
Your hands formed the earth
and made me from dust
You spoke words into life
Your breath springs forth new things

And above all You made me alive
Brought me new life

When I come before your face
I want to lift You high
In this place
Lord I long to see you come
Dwell in this place
Lord in this place
My creator God

Freedom

I find myself in solitude
when the weekend comes
The things that matter seem
nothing more than the past
Yet the past predicts the future
The more i struggle
The more i grow dissatisfied
As night draws closer
i grow weak and tired
where's the help that was promised me?

* I scream!! Why am i forsaken?
Is it true i'm never alone?
Ev'rything shows i'm broken
i'm vulnarable and open
Yet i look to find reason
of why i'm alive and breathing
the reason i still live
in my search for freedom

i look to constitute at end
the things that comes by
All that matters before
brings worthlessness than value
though past predicts future
destiny's in our hand
and time is what's spent
As the day comes to end
the light of tomorrow shines
as new hope brings a new laughter

where can i run to?
what can i hope for?
in search of the freedom
that lies beyond all measure
that words man speak means nothing

words by jamest 2008 2310-005-007

Beautiful Song

really meaningful and sad.. and true

unlucky

I'm standing at the corner
My backs against the wall
I think that you are fine
wishin you were mine
Thinkin bout the things we'd do
imagine what life would be....
with you---
(but)

We weren't meant to be
Your love's too cold for me
I can't get your heart
You not even playing hard
to get
i'm just so not meant for this
just unlucky

at the prom from my corner
you seem to be alone
like you're looking for someone
was gonna make a move
then you turned around and smiled
i thought you were lookin at me
then he came (i guess)


_in progress
words by jamest 2008 0213-005-005