Where the love last forever

Sometimes everything just seems to fall apart. The picture frame breaks into a million pieces. When the last drop of water come for the rest of summer what happens next is drought.

How do you get something through a sheet of film without tearing it... sometimes pain of the ripping film of skin can hurt forever. The hole left inthe sheet can never recover. Sometimes You'll just hate yourself for putting that scar onto the sheet. The world hates you for it.
You wanna move on to the next moutain but your sleeves are cought in the valley.

friend of no man (sonnet)

A man is built from dust and sand
his fate is determined not less than his decisions
his indulgence in society is fragile not less than glass
his trust is built on pyramids of crystals upside down
standing on one point, of any imbalance the fall and crash
as hard as it is built easier still it come crashing down
trust and integrity takes long and deep efforts to build
time and sweat and even blood to an extent
the blood calls they say when a close friend is betrayed
the recklessness of society in handling a man
the incapabilities of individuals of fame and fortune
causes the fall and downhill ride for a man caught in the feud

of society's greed and lust
the latter is left a friend of no man

12:42 a.m. June 22, 06

The tragedy

See the world turn around in it's orbit and everything seems to be in order as some would see it. The world make s a better place for some while the brest surrers the impudence of mankind. What folly that man walks in degrading morality while advancing in technology. The hearts of man is void while they seek to find an answer to fill the empiness. Some through books and books flying through words secluding themselves from the real sufferings of man beyond their sight. So blinded by goals and gold that falls before their eyes ignoring the bloody sweat shed by those less "fortunate" working behind every riches that they see and touch but never theirs to keep. What makes them less fortunate? where else can man look then inside. The prejudism and pride of their hearts. Seemingly claiming themselves strong and 'the rest' weak. The weak it seems being suppressed and killed to fulfill the wants and 'needs' of the strong. What so blinds man is greed. What is greed then? Greed the source of all suffering in man against man towards man. Greed drives a man towards the hunger of power and superiority.

Nietzsche has said the rulers should fear the people not the people to fear the rulers. Revolution will cause a kingdom to stumble. Why the eligence of soldiers toward the ruler? Dying for one man's power? Is it worth the sacrifice? Equality in the ranks of men peace will be birthed. Thus the philisophy of communism. I'd say commonism the main thing. Yet in man greed always overpowers them wanting more. The founders of the philosophy itself never lived to see the perfect idea come to it's own distruction. In it because in the idea itself a man is placed to be over men. The world will never fall into order as long as man live as rulers over other men. How you spend the rest of your life depends on the beliefs and philosphy. Even the man who wonders in the street has his ideas and philosophy of life. Mind is given man to decern some better than others. The practices of man determines the ability and many misuse the wisdom and understanding to exploit those less able. Laws made to keep humanity in stablity, yet exist those in which the laws were created twists and manipulation of the written to their own exploits and gains. Tis the irony and tragedy

9 hardest times(snagged this from someone's blog XD)

9 hardest times of ones life:

1) being questioned when you yourself don't understand.

2) pretending to be innocent of what you know about.

3) trying to forget something you know you never will.

4) admitting you were wrong after you have been so insistent that you were right.

5) debating with yourself

6) accepting the fact that somethings are not meant to be.

7) trying to understand when you just can't.

8) realizing that you have been tricked after you've given your whole trust

9) parting and letting go of some you've loved all your life

Treasure life

Ever been around people who don't treasure life?

It stinks.. Life is already so prescious and fragile it could be taken anytime.
But yet around us there are people who take unnecessary risk in life recklessly risking life and wasting it away.

Reckless driving, Access driking, Pot etc etc I would come to consider this as suicide since it's wasting your life away not for the good and not looking after the temple of the Holy Spirit. Whatever we do with our bodies we're answerable to the one who made it. I'd say it's one of the talents given us to use it for the Master's glory and if we don't use it right we'd be cast to the darkest part of the earth so far, unredeemable.

And holding other's life in your hands.. what are we to say if we cause the death of other innocent people? what are we to say? In the end, everything we do we have to answer to Him who created and gave life to all creature

Which reality?

Lying down drowsily ready to sleep and call it a day. Noise come from the window near to your bed you doze off..
Then the next morning you wake up later than usual. You walk to the sink and sober up. You can't recall what happened last night but everything is normal. You walk out of your quarters and look around. You think it's sunday and head to the church. As you draw near there's not as many people as you thought there would be. You step inside and try to go to the sanctuary as you get closer to the door someone approaches you and wishes you 'good morning'. You smile and as you walk through the door someone else approaches you and asks if this was your first time to the premise. You think to yourself, ''don't they know me? I've been coming here for years and they act like I'm a stranger''. You walk to someone you think is familiar and he smiles to you as you approach. Before you could speak he asks for your name. You are shocked and asks "Don't you know who i am?" he replies gently as if he's not sure what's going on "no, who are you? You look around for another familiar face and ask the same question and get the same reply. You ask a few more people and all the same reply; no one knows you.
You stand in the corner trying to get yourself together. You ask someone what place this was and what's going on and he says "Oh, it's a club and we're having a meeting. We have it every sunday" "Would you like to be a member?" Confused, you ask him "are you all christians?" His face questions you question and asks "christians? what is that?" You stare at him in disbelieve and quickly leave the premise. You run as fast as you could trying to find someone farmiliar to talk to or to get an explanation. Everyone seems to be normal, nothing seemed to have drastically changed except no one knows who you are. As you run and run you vission blurs your mind cannot take the pressure and the change.. You fall to the ground looking at the sky people crowd around you to see what happened. Thing's fade slowly and you can hardly breathe and everything turns black..

So what it reality? which was the reality? What had happened? Was it a conspiracy? Did someone have something against you and paid everyone else to do this to you? Did the government erase your identity? Is it a dream? or did you wake up from another dream? Is this reality? Or was the days before this reality? or is it the new reality? What is it? What is truth? What's happening? What happened the day before? which is REALITY?

The Err is I

Ever felt like you’ve let go of something and it feels so much better? Sometimes it does happen and sometimes they just don’t come along the way you’d expect them to. Through the last year and a half I’ve been learning to let go of something that I thought was what I could hold on to but I learned some things the long and hard way. Through some heart aches and sleepless nights, I thought it’d better be for me to lose that rope I have around my neck. All the fallacy and errs that were shown were ignored to the last strand of hope inside the soul of the traveler who wishes to not be on a journey with no support. But alas he finds himself in a valley full of flowers behind high fences. Only able to admire their beauty from a distance but never able to touch, nor feel their presence. The only opening is along the fences on both sides where he is only able to walk through in a straight path towards the end of the valley at the end of the fences. How ironic, this valley full or gardens overflowing with flowers but all behind fences unable to be enjoyed nor touched by the outsider. The only thing the traveler can do is keep traveling until he exits the valley and a new world is shown and the valley is forgotten him and he the valley. Through night and day he travels the long valley only on the road has he space to rest. No bed no tent but on the damp ground of soil he settles down each night. Even the hill before had houses who took him in to rest which he stayed for a while before realizing he’s been staying in a place he shouldn’t be. He’s traveled the valley for almost 12 seasons and hasn’t seen the end. It sure is a long valley deep below the mountains. He sets his eyes on the hill ahead and heads there hoping to find a hut to rest a comfortably in. Looking back in the 10 seasons and all that has happened a conclusion he’s come to is the err is his with his face against a fence hoping one day to reach for a flower from the valley.

Temprements

i know i know.. the fruit of the spirit bla bla bla... self control.. bla bla bla.. but is there a time you just can't anymore?
Well i've been strugling a lot with that. I've been haveing bad days all the time and everytime i do something and i see that something rage and i dunno what else to say builds up and i just can't contain myself.. now that hardly ever anyone reads this outpost of mine wahahah.. but yeah does anyone ever read both of my outposts eh? Whatever... But the situation is driving me nutso.. What's the punch line? kick ass? just outwit and outwin.. but outwit what? my dumb brains? lolx.. my brain is not dumb though iam alittle dyslecxic(don't even klnow how to spell that) you'd never imagined huh.. i use to startle too.. even now sometimes.. and back to my brain is not dumd i'm not dumb. Just inteligent in a different aspect and in a sense lazy.. yeah.. hate me coz i'm lazy.. hahaha.. Throwin raves at "unnecessary" things that seem presumtuously small. What's the big deal and what's wrong? everythin, from the beginning to the end of time top to the botom north to south east to west.. everything is WRONG!! Blinded you are said Yoda waahahah.. life is sick, i'm sick. My conclusion YOU ARE SICK!!!!!!!!! to the core.. yes.. to the core..

Look to Jesus

Look at they skieslook at the seas
how great and awesome is he
even the birds have a place to dwell
how much more is His love
for you and i

what can we ask
what can't be given
it's only a question away
children draw close to his heart
then how much more is his love
for you and i

and we dance as we sing a love song to jesus
oh what a joy as our hearts fall down
before the throne of your mercy
and we cry out to You as we come in
to your mercy seat
and it's by your blood
that was poured out for me
this amazing love

come if you're hungry
come if you're thirsty
drink from the well
look to Jesus

April 7, '06

not even scient

what a phrase to remember... a quote from pastor Moses "you can't worship until you see the worth"
I was reading fishtail's post yesterday and i wrote an article but when i tried to post it the whole page went on an error.. well the post had nothing to do with what he posted recently but what was at the side under the profile corner. The writeout on Anapurna or also known as Macchapucchre or fishtail.. because when you see it fomr an angle it looks like a whale's tail, totally amazing when you see it face to face. Nepal is such a beautiful place with the mountains and ranges surrounding it. It reminds me of how great and big is our God and how everything was made beautiful.

Everything was beautiful until man took things into their own hands.. ignoring the truth that has been there before is here and will always be there. We start to have to sweat and toil to get what we need after the fall. But by the grace of God we lack nothing but in everything by prayer and suplication and with thanksgiving, we let our request made known to God.. Since the fall and man lost that intimate relationship with Him we've always been looking to something or someone to turn to a higher being to be under or to worship. Some wise men have done their thinking and their own theories and philosyphy which point man to the way but is incomplete and in time with the hunger in man these great men evolved into an idol instead of their ways being followed completely which is not what they meant it to be. In a sect, to achieve the final is to be able to empty yourself through the means of meditation. many different dictrines and philosophies have been created to satisfy the void inside of man which only One can satisfy.

The human idea of meditation; emptying yourself. What and how will this help you to achieve the highest call? It's nothing but mere emptiness like it's already stated; empty yourself. Not to say it is completely wrong we indeed should empty ourselves. Now you may think i'm contradicting values and even my own words but no. What was said and taught is incomplete.. yes we need to empty ourselves of our flesh and be filled with the Comforter and not the 'other' one which is what happens when we're to empty and filled with nothing. The 'other' will come and occupy. Some great men have claimed to achieve the final stage so to speak but reaching complete emptiness and mey seem from the outwardly that they've found peace. But what lies beneath the surface no one knows. Everyone has thier own mask. Many have been blinded from the truth that they are literally empty and they are convinced that it is their path of life. We alwasy hunger for a fellowship but we can't find the one we need. Man creates figures and laws of their own concerning the 'salvation' of man but there is only one true salvation and that's through the blood. Who can understand His ways? Cleanse me and keep me from presumtuous sins.

How and where can men find peace but in Him. Who can fill that void but Him. Why then is man still seeking in the wrong places? What then is the greater calling? How will they know unless someone tells them? Yet we see the lost.. many being content with pleasures of this world and some even 'empty' from the world and seem to be fulfilled. but what's in their hearts? Truly "the heart of man is decietful above all things, it is desperately sick; who can understand it?" who can understand it? who can know what is in the hearts of man but One. knowing in our minds and walking it out seem to be a different dimension altogether. It's like a flat piece and a 3d piece; words are like a 2d(flat) piece is unclear unless it is made out and translated into a 3d piece do we get a full picture of what it is.

Look at the skies... a perfect illustration for man.. Before the fall everything was beautiful, so was the sky and everything in the atmosphere.. Looking toward the heavens one will see stars and the air is fresh and not poisoning. But now look it is poluted just like we are and it blocks away the glory of God from heaven. Clouds block out the sunlight only a grey tint in the sky, no pure light without distortion from the sun.. now everything is blurred as we keep working and working and building our own 'castles' of what we belive in and where we stand. Until the day earth realizes that air is poluted and stop toiling and rest will the skies be made clear from all polutants which poison us and we'll be able to see the truth.

hapyday

a sigh i give,
a sigh i take,
a slip of fate,
a big mistake,
a slip of fate,
a price i paid,
i can't retake,
no i can't remake,

thus i shall not fall,
into a gloomy mood at all,
a joyous day it is to say,
for on this day i say i pray,
a single word of hope i may,
of love and joy i ask to stay,
for on this day a star on earth,
was birth to stay

late am i?

if i'd known,
it would be different,
and if i'd known,
i wouldn't be sittin here,

if i'd known,
the world would be mine,
and if i'd known,
everything would shine,

call me blind
but i didn't see it coming,
call me blind,
i didn't see it going,

call me blind,
but i don't think i deserve it,
call me anything but i hope i'm just not too..
late.

jamesT 0209 Jan30 2006

Vain Glory

a piece of fame
not meant to be
taken on your life journey
showing a glimpse of
what's unnecesary

do it all for yourself
forget all those around
keep them out of thought
taking all the name
not giving the credit to who's worth it

should be given
better not taken
never to be stolen
from the one who owns the glory
less it be vain glory

dictionary meaning
vain: 1 having no real value; worthless 2 without effect; futile

glory: 1 great honor or fame 2 adoration 3 great splendor, prosperity 4heavenly bliss

vain'glory: empty boasting Latin - vana gloria, excessive vanity

a sentence of sentiments

what's a dime in a pocket
to a hand making lockets
nothing but sentiments
and monuments as time flies by

things often seen
have often been neglected
till the day they pass away
we pass them along our way

books and words
pronounce the verbs
and pictures tell a million stories
like birds sing their tune so freely

our reflection in a mirror
we see it daily
but as time goes by
so fades our glory
lest we make time to paint our story
we'll be gone like the seed in the thorny

dedicated to pastor Phillip

father of many
how we will miss you
who will we kiss now
the love you showed
covered the hurts we felt
in times we don't feel strong

you put us before you
now you're ahead of us
in eternity
the love of all you gave plenty
how we might feel empty
and now we are

those times you extend your hand
you showed me a great deal
of His plan to me
i'm gratefull for those times you stood by me
making the choices
i hardly could make my own

showing His heart for the nations
your seeds will be remembered
those that were planted and
someday i hope to take them up and gather
to be a blessing just like you were

in memory of Pastor Phillip(godpa)
"father of many"
love,
james
-17 dec 2005-

train in toughts

the sound of wheels echo in the background
thoughts stir as i ponder on the facts
that i've just questioned
everything seems to spin yet seemed still
as i stare and gaze at them
yet they remain clear and unclear to my physical eyes
I see them in my mind but it only flashes in my eyes
Can't comprehend the emotions that run
through my thoughts and feeling
As i journey south next to a soul that entices my eyes
the feeling of lonesome surrounds me in
the still trapped air of my surrounding
my head starts to spin as the back
of my spine aches and my eyes give out on me
I resist but to no avail i lay down and surrender
hoping tomorrow would turn out better

pain

forget what was said
don't remember what was done
try to lose what i've found
feelings inside my head
breaks the form of life
stirring emotions

all seem empty and meaningless
what to say?
nothing i can do
can't fight the remorse feeling
that's due to strike
everything's hidden behind the smile

though i try to mask it
the truth still seems to have the upper hand
i hunger, i strife
to find the pieces left behind
from the brokenness
that filled the void

a question asked
but i can't reply
i can't deny that it hurts inside
but nothing's moved on the other side
it all seems blunt to me
blur and fogged, masked and blocked

When shadows fade

Shadows
come from the trace
lines of darkness formed by light surrounding
the silhoutte of the forms and shapes

when shadows fade
the light brings the day
unveiling the forms of the shadows seen
the clarity of true forms comes

though it's unclear what we see
sometimes we still linger in the forms of things unseen
not knowing what truth lies beneath it all
till shadows fade away

strugling through life's questions
unrevealed though many times lingered
they stay the same, all unnamed
when shadows fade

unwilling to be seen
no trace of what's inside of me
hiding and standing where the light is dimmed and behind
that blinds the eyes from the silver line of light

still searching
wanting to be seen
but i can't wait till the sun goes up and that's all i have
when shadows fade

flowers blooming (choices, left and right)

I look each day
they grow day by day
i see and marvel at their beauty
a rose without thorns is hard not to pick
but a rose with thorns is true and pure
side by side they grow alike
the gardener cannot decide which to pick
as a pleasant gift

i lie in wait for him to choose
the one he feels is best and suits
both are seemingly strong and bright
as the sun light touches their petals
they glow as if the day has not unfold

a bed of roses?
yes life is.. with thorns and thrones
sticks and stones
they break my bones
and words last for a time unknown
some make you fly but some you'll cry
i wish that mine would lift them high

some crazy days @_-

swing swing around in the ground
tables and chairs flyin around
spoons and glasses from the clown
cups and cones they fall down
car loaded with guns and bullets
i fly into the sky with my private jet and crash in the clouds

summer's filled with snow and ice
winter's even colder than the mountain
my wheels are in town
and i'm sittin around
air is fresh with the smell of trash
crowd in the barn and burn food down

fall and fall
crawl and brawl
when the colors of the sky turn grey in my eye
shadows in the sky and light from the ground
mirror in my mind
shatters like steel in the furnace

craziness and insanity
lame and lame
walk with a cane and stick
throw all the pain and pills down the drain
wait for the rain and call it a day