if only i could find you..
I know you're out there..
Somewhere in that mass..
you're the glitter in the mess..
but where can i find you..
are you really out there..
someday will i find you..
one day in that big mass..
time flies by so quickly..
memories fade as the sunsets each day..
clouds billow so quickly..
as the wind carries them through the air..
the clock keeps ticking..
even when the moonlight shines so brightly..
everyday the wish for time to stop..
that beautiful moment to stay..
as waves hit the sand by the sea..
land is washed away..
as the clock keeps ticking each day..
life is being taken away..
all i wish to find you soon..
to find the glitter in the sea..
to share a moments so true..
under the moonlight so beautiful..
before the day gets too cold and we grow too old..
Monday, March 10, 2008
Monday, January 21, 2008
School that Rocks
Hmm.. I was trying to find some pictures i could throw in but i just couldn't find those that i thought would fit in. Well it's been a while since i've had time to sit in front of my computer and not know what to do and finally thought "maybe i should update my blog".
Just an update on my life.. I've started school once again after a whole year of hectic working schedule. I'm kinda excited actually that I've finally started doing something that I've looked forward to for a long time or at least 6 months. It's been the passion of my heart to learn more about God and i'm finally able to do that.
Two weeks into BTS and two reading materials already or actually it's only been a week of class. The first week was more of a retreat so it wasn't really assignments and all but more of a rest in God.
Sunday, October 07, 2007
My name stained
The consequence of actions is the mark that is left after it's taken. Mine hasn't been too impressive nor is it sparing. The name that has been a mark of innocence is no more for the actions taken have been too deep a ravine of consequence. The name that has been a mark of reputation and discipline is no more and I've only myself to blame.
Why is it so, that people see you for what you've done and not what you can do. A spectacle of prejudice is put on each time someone has done something wrong. Their names are stained by their past actions though it's only but one mistake, the whole world knows and he's never to be forgotten for that. Each time someone sees the man they'll say "oh isn't he the guy that did ...."
or "wasn't he the guy that ..." It's a wonder why the negative image stays in peoples thoughts more than the positive. It's the reason why it's so hard for convicts to leave behind their past. The moment a man has been to prison, his chance of getting a well paid job is gone let alone get a job. As soon as an employer sees his records the smile on their faces turns to that of a disgust, looking down at the man who's trying to start a new life trying to support his loved ones. Not given the chance and missing the chance are two different things. when he is not given the chance to start a new, to find a source of provision he is forced to go back to where he was because it's the only way he knows that will help him to survive.
The question remains that why can't people be given a second chance. Have you not been given a second chance in your life? When you were a child, were you not numerous times given a second chance? a third chance? If only we could see the potential and not the mistakes.
Why is it so, that people see you for what you've done and not what you can do. A spectacle of prejudice is put on each time someone has done something wrong. Their names are stained by their past actions though it's only but one mistake, the whole world knows and he's never to be forgotten for that. Each time someone sees the man they'll say "oh isn't he the guy that did ...."
or "wasn't he the guy that ..." It's a wonder why the negative image stays in peoples thoughts more than the positive. It's the reason why it's so hard for convicts to leave behind their past. The moment a man has been to prison, his chance of getting a well paid job is gone let alone get a job. As soon as an employer sees his records the smile on their faces turns to that of a disgust, looking down at the man who's trying to start a new life trying to support his loved ones. Not given the chance and missing the chance are two different things. when he is not given the chance to start a new, to find a source of provision he is forced to go back to where he was because it's the only way he knows that will help him to survive.
The question remains that why can't people be given a second chance. Have you not been given a second chance in your life? When you were a child, were you not numerous times given a second chance? a third chance? If only we could see the potential and not the mistakes.
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
untitled
do you see things in black and white?
or do you see if full of color like those of the flowers?
have you seen the beautiful fields of green
or are you surrounded in the urban grey sky of tox
Is the sea blue to you
or do you see black waters in rivers by
do you see blue skys and rain
or what you see are grey skies and poison drops
will the earth last till the dawn of tomorrow
or will it turn dark and dead in the near future
will it be tomorrow?
or it tomorrow already here?
~dedicated to pLaNet eaRtH, by James (c) 2007 2152-010-002
or do you see if full of color like those of the flowers?
have you seen the beautiful fields of green
or are you surrounded in the urban grey sky of tox
Is the sea blue to you
or do you see black waters in rivers by
do you see blue skys and rain
or what you see are grey skies and poison drops
will the earth last till the dawn of tomorrow
or will it turn dark and dead in the near future
will it be tomorrow?
or it tomorrow already here?
~dedicated to pLaNet eaRtH, by James (c) 2007 2152-010-002
Monday, October 01, 2007
Let God speak
"..let God speak and i will listen.."
When God speaks do we listen? Are we expecting Him to speak to us? or are we prepared to listen to what He's telling us? Many times He's speaking to us but we ignore His voice. When He calls us we say we're too busy. But when we're in need we expect Him to answer us imeidately.
The severity of it is to the extent of negligence toward the things around us. A man lying in the street asking for help, we turn our heads and walk the other way. Our neighbor who's always being annoying toward us but today is in need, we ignore him and say he deserves it. The list of it goes on and on yet we keep asking God to give us a chance to show His love. When we ask for patience, do you think He gives us patience or does He give us the chance to be patient? or when we ask for kindness, does he give us kindness or does he gives us the chance to practice it. So be diligent and aware so when we're given the chance we see it and grab hold of it.
When God speaks do we listen? Are we expecting Him to speak to us? or are we prepared to listen to what He's telling us? Many times He's speaking to us but we ignore His voice. When He calls us we say we're too busy. But when we're in need we expect Him to answer us imeidately.
The severity of it is to the extent of negligence toward the things around us. A man lying in the street asking for help, we turn our heads and walk the other way. Our neighbor who's always being annoying toward us but today is in need, we ignore him and say he deserves it. The list of it goes on and on yet we keep asking God to give us a chance to show His love. When we ask for patience, do you think He gives us patience or does He give us the chance to be patient? or when we ask for kindness, does he give us kindness or does he gives us the chance to practice it. So be diligent and aware so when we're given the chance we see it and grab hold of it.
Monday, August 27, 2007
The Choice Is Yours!
If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in. - Revelation 3:20 NIV
Max Lucado writes: "Ever wonder why there were two crosses next to Christ? Or why Jesus was in the centre? Those two crosses symbolise one of God's greatest gifts - the gift of choice. The two criminals have much in common; convicted by the same system, condemned to the same death, surrounded by the same crowd, and equally close to the same Christ. In fact, they began with the same sarcasm; the two criminals each said cruel things to Jesus. But one changed. He said, 'Jesus, remember me when you come into Your kingdom.' Jesus answered him, 'I tell you the truth, today you will be with Me in paradise' (Lk 23:42-43 NIV). While we rejoice at the thief who changed, we dare not forget the one who didn't. There are times when God sends thunder to stir us. There are times when God sends blessings to lure us. But there are times when God sends nothing but silence, as He honours us with the freedom to choose where we spend eternity. We have never been given a greater privilege than that of choice. Think about the thief who repented. Though we know little about him, we know this: in the end, all his bad choices were redeemed by a solitary good choice. He chose Christ!"
No matter how many bad choices you may have made in your past, you can be redeemed by one good choice - the choice to give your life to Christ and follow Him. Will you make that choice now? If you do you'll never regret it.
Monday, August 20, 2007
Saturday, August 11, 2007
this is my life.. is it all i dreamt it would be?
Can't close my eyes in the middle of the night when i'm alone. Everything turns dark and dull when the lights go off and there's no one to turn to. Years have passed since the last time a day spent with someone i could share things with. It's been for a while if not too long since the memory of sharing a day and memories with someone called special. How the wishing of that day to come again lingers through the words that come out and as the clock strikes every second though not too desperately but the frank facts is the sudden thought of it dawning creates a realization that i'm not coping too well with the single notion of life. Having no one to hold dear and call precious is an irony or distress.
Been about 4 years since i've been out with someone special. How does it feel to not have that feeling of missing someone? or how is the toture of feeling like you're missing something but never being able to find it?. Sick and tired of being told where to go and where to be. feeling weak from being told who i am and who i'm supposed to be. Oh God when i be put off from this misery?
Been about 4 years since i've been out with someone special. How does it feel to not have that feeling of missing someone? or how is the toture of feeling like you're missing something but never being able to find it?. Sick and tired of being told where to go and where to be. feeling weak from being told who i am and who i'm supposed to be. Oh God when i be put off from this misery?
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
Treasure Life
Life is precious and it's always running out it's like a hourglass thats constantly moving to the other side. some hourglass just break into pieces and some run out of time faster than others..
The past few months have all seen loved ones and friends pass on. Yes it's' part of life cycle but yet sometimes we find it hard to accept and to let go of that person whom we love and treasure.
So it's time to look back at our lives and make right our ways of living thtis short life. Make full use of the opportunities given and use your talents wisely so when the time comes we'll be rewarded by our father in heaven.
The past few months have all seen loved ones and friends pass on. Yes it's' part of life cycle but yet sometimes we find it hard to accept and to let go of that person whom we love and treasure.
So it's time to look back at our lives and make right our ways of living thtis short life. Make full use of the opportunities given and use your talents wisely so when the time comes we'll be rewarded by our father in heaven.
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Already Over - Red
You never go
You're always here (suffocating me)
Under my skin
I cannot run away
Fading slowly
I'd give it all to you
Letting go of me
Reaching as I fall
I know it's already over now
Nothing left to lose
Loving you again
I know it's already over, already over now
My best defense, running from you
I can't resist, take all you want from me
Breaking slowly
I'd give it all to you
Letting go of me
Reaching as I fall
I know it's already over now
Nothing left to lose
Loving you again
I know it's already over, already over now
You're all I'm reaching for
It's already over
All I'm reaching for!
It's already over now
I'd give it all to you
I offer up my soul
It's already over, already over now!
Give it all to you
Letting go of me
Reaching as I fall
I know it's already over now
Nothing left to lose
Loving you again!
I know it's already over now!
It's already over now!
I know it's already over, already over
Love this song by red means a lot to me
Saturday, May 26, 2007
Contemplation
It's been five months coming close to six since I've started working in LPAV. But lately I've been thinking to myself. Is this what i want? or Is this where i should be? I'm thinking if this is where God wants me? or is it where I want to be myself. It's been five months and there hasn't been much of a progress and it's still strining my spiritual walk with God and I'm thinking of throwing in the towel. Yet again i think to myself whether God has put me here to test me.
my trip down to PD has put a lot of questions to my being in this company and also a lot of strins to my thought of knowing what i want to do at this present time.
The fact that i'm planning to go to bible school also comes in to the picture as to whether i'm taking the right steps to ensure that and whtherni should persevere and hang in here to put my limits to the test to see how resilient i really am. I really need some guidance one this one. please God help me make the right choices.
my trip down to PD has put a lot of questions to my being in this company and also a lot of strins to my thought of knowing what i want to do at this present time.
The fact that i'm planning to go to bible school also comes in to the picture as to whether i'm taking the right steps to ensure that and whtherni should persevere and hang in here to put my limits to the test to see how resilient i really am. I really need some guidance one this one. please God help me make the right choices.
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
life's a journey
In every walk of life there's always up's and down's. People grow tired of the schedules becoming a routine each day. Some people find it easy to be repeating the same thing day after day not having to use their brain power too much. While others prefer a new challenge everyday. Yet not everyone gets what they want.. To think that i'm starting to get bored of what i'm ding was unimaginable just 2 months ago but now.. i'm starting to feel the wear of the routined life of fixing up things and standing by. I pray i do get to go somewhere to do the first part of my dream which is taking videos and exploring on film. I'll get there one day..
Saturday, February 17, 2007
Friday, February 02, 2007
the lapse of societal care
friend..
friend
Friend.. (what?)
friend(who?)
See.. this is the scenario
what's a friend when ya got none
where's that man? where's that friend?
they call you man i need yo help
you can't not help coz they your man
but what comes to it in the end
when you look for men they lose you
and you get them asking who
i stay wide
i go low
you get high when i say go
and when i say no you say hell boy what's with the no
i say yo fella come time for the bell ya
don't stick around for this yo fella
you treat me high when i was fine
but time goes by and when i say hi you don't even care
you just walk by and bye ain't coming out even when i greet ya
ya smile and stick it up to man behind me walking pass beside me
and that's the reason why i call it treason
ain't no other reason for a man to go to prison
and come out the same just like the day they gagged him and gave him the cane
what's with the name change does the heart remain the same
does the the life turn around
will society let him walk back around
thats the truth of the matter the world fall down in laughter
feb02-07
friend
Friend.. (what?)
friend(who?)
See.. this is the scenario
what's a friend when ya got none
where's that man? where's that friend?
they call you man i need yo help
you can't not help coz they your man
but what comes to it in the end
when you look for men they lose you
and you get them asking who
i stay wide
i go low
you get high when i say go
and when i say no you say hell boy what's with the no
i say yo fella come time for the bell ya
don't stick around for this yo fella
you treat me high when i was fine
but time goes by and when i say hi you don't even care
you just walk by and bye ain't coming out even when i greet ya
ya smile and stick it up to man behind me walking pass beside me
and that's the reason why i call it treason
ain't no other reason for a man to go to prison
and come out the same just like the day they gagged him and gave him the cane
what's with the name change does the heart remain the same
does the the life turn around
will society let him walk back around
thats the truth of the matter the world fall down in laughter
feb02-07
Friday, January 12, 2007
losing my head, losing you
It's only been what? a little less than two years since pops.
What's happened? I know it's a little too late to say this coz you can't hear it. but why? i'm frustrated and saddened by the choice made. Who will watch her now? Couldn't you take another alternative. You could've came back. You're not even with papa.. why? i can't stop asking this question. You know we love you and you can always turn to us, but i guess you didn't..
It's over now.. can't turn back time. the days spent have come to an end and there's no one left to pretend. what got to you? You..... i can't say anything now.. i can't..
What's happened? I know it's a little too late to say this coz you can't hear it. but why? i'm frustrated and saddened by the choice made. Who will watch her now? Couldn't you take another alternative. You could've came back. You're not even with papa.. why? i can't stop asking this question. You know we love you and you can always turn to us, but i guess you didn't..
It's over now.. can't turn back time. the days spent have come to an end and there's no one left to pretend. what got to you? You..... i can't say anything now.. i can't..
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
when darkness turns to light
It ends tonight.. well what you might ask?
No not some relationship or anything.. not the good luck streak or whatever.. it's my pretty voice.. it just turned pretty sexy now.. well it was sexy after the UNITED concert lolz.. couldn't even talk properly.. oh right i was so close to cathing an autograph cd but missed coz i didn't make that jump in fear of hitting my lil mei mei and a really huge lady standing beside her XD wakaka.. forgive my insolence just can't help it.. i dun wanna fall into her though she might pick me up and toss me out the backdoor wahahaha.. XDXD okok i sound mean now.. right, lets talk about somthing else eheh.. oh guess i'm a lyricist for an independant band so some of the stuff you see here are for them. they're some hardcore amateur band so support them ya.. since i wrote their lyrics heheh.. Sad thing is.. youth camp moved from 11 to 12 so it also ends a day later instead of 15 it moved to 16 which clashes with the WWW thing i'm suppost to perform dang!! oh well maybe God says NO!!!! lolz.. i'll take that for ananswer lah.. see i'm a gud boy wahah. Nwy I've thought of an acoustic song.. so here are the lyrics
walking in history i -
found myself left in misery when -
i looked back at the things so -
stupid i thought i'd done right
but was so wrong
I couldn't stand to -
see the fall of the beacon light if i -
knew it would lead to this -
pain i'm feeling inside__
the void i am trying to hide___
Is anyone seeing
I'm falling, I'm falling down and down
Is anybody hearing my screaming
I'm screaming out aloud
To you, To^ \you
tobe continued...
jamestan © 2006
No not some relationship or anything.. not the good luck streak or whatever.. it's my pretty voice.. it just turned pretty sexy now.. well it was sexy after the UNITED concert lolz.. couldn't even talk properly.. oh right i was so close to cathing an autograph cd but missed coz i didn't make that jump in fear of hitting my lil mei mei and a really huge lady standing beside her XD wakaka.. forgive my insolence just can't help it.. i dun wanna fall into her though she might pick me up and toss me out the backdoor wahahaha.. XDXD okok i sound mean now.. right, lets talk about somthing else eheh.. oh guess i'm a lyricist for an independant band so some of the stuff you see here are for them. they're some hardcore amateur band so support them ya.. since i wrote their lyrics heheh.. Sad thing is.. youth camp moved from 11 to 12 so it also ends a day later instead of 15 it moved to 16 which clashes with the WWW thing i'm suppost to perform dang!! oh well maybe God says NO!!!! lolz.. i'll take that for ananswer lah.. see i'm a gud boy wahah. Nwy I've thought of an acoustic song.. so here are the lyrics
walking in history i -
found myself left in misery when -
i looked back at the things so -
stupid i thought i'd done right
but was so wrong
I couldn't stand to -
see the fall of the beacon light if i -
knew it would lead to this -
pain i'm feeling inside__
the void i am trying to hide___
Is anyone seeing
I'm falling, I'm falling down and down
Is anybody hearing my screaming
I'm screaming out aloud
To you, To^ \you
tobe continued...
jamestan © 2006
Thursday, November 09, 2006
Stand in the Rain - Superchic(k)
She never slows down
She doesn’t know why but she knows that
When she’s all alone it feels like its all coming down
She won’t turn around
The shadows grow long and she fears
If she cries that first tear, the tears will not stop raining down
So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it’s all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won’t drown
And one day what’s lost can be found
You stand in the rain
She won’t make a sound
Alone in this fight with herself
And the fears whispering if she stands she’ll fall down
She wants to be found
The only way out is through everything
She’s running from, wants to give up and lie down
So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it’s all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won’t drown
And one day what’s lost can be found
You stand in the rain
She doesn’t know why but she knows that
When she’s all alone it feels like its all coming down
She won’t turn around
The shadows grow long and she fears
If she cries that first tear, the tears will not stop raining down
So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it’s all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won’t drown
And one day what’s lost can be found
You stand in the rain
She won’t make a sound
Alone in this fight with herself
And the fears whispering if she stands she’ll fall down
She wants to be found
The only way out is through everything
She’s running from, wants to give up and lie down
So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it’s all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won’t drown
And one day what’s lost can be found
You stand in the rain
Thursday, October 26, 2006
falling off the edge
Don't actually feel like posting anything but i am anyway..
Life sometimes can be so exhilirating with events and joy and yet sometimes it can tear your bones apart.. The silence makes you wanna scream. Tearing apart the white void that surrounds.. In times when you need people beside you those far away are acceptable for an excuse.. but those near you turn their heads away and show you their f***in bare back.. so in your face. as soon as you reach your hand to them. Then everything fades into the white.. So pure but yet filled with demons like lucifer drawin hell to you. the white so white... that it actually burns you.. then you start to see red.. your eyes swell up. Blood gushes from your pores.. your tears flow with crimson rivers... the fire torments you but you don't die.. your veins at the brink of bustin yet they stretch your every muscle to hurt you with the pain unbearable... everything around you is flames and flames not like those of a candle.. but those red hot lava flowing down burning anything in it's way. Just a touch of water is all you need. Screaming your agony and pain... you f'kin "friends" don't hear anything when you squirm in the inside longing for a hand to hold.. the noisy silence i call it.. you yell but there's no sound, no noise, no words nothing uttered in the endless void.. Is this all to life or is there more to the narrow pipe of disaster flushing down the dirt and shit of life.
The waves beat higher.. the storm spins faster... they pull you down.. drown you and drain your very last breath. you suffer the endless toss.. the bottomless depth the screaming plunge which can't be heard by selfish humans who care less bout anything but their own soul for cryin out loud. The writer sits at the edge of his seat. fallin off the edge of my seat.
Life sometimes can be so exhilirating with events and joy and yet sometimes it can tear your bones apart.. The silence makes you wanna scream. Tearing apart the white void that surrounds.. In times when you need people beside you those far away are acceptable for an excuse.. but those near you turn their heads away and show you their f***in bare back.. so in your face. as soon as you reach your hand to them. Then everything fades into the white.. So pure but yet filled with demons like lucifer drawin hell to you. the white so white... that it actually burns you.. then you start to see red.. your eyes swell up. Blood gushes from your pores.. your tears flow with crimson rivers... the fire torments you but you don't die.. your veins at the brink of bustin yet they stretch your every muscle to hurt you with the pain unbearable... everything around you is flames and flames not like those of a candle.. but those red hot lava flowing down burning anything in it's way. Just a touch of water is all you need. Screaming your agony and pain... you f'kin "friends" don't hear anything when you squirm in the inside longing for a hand to hold.. the noisy silence i call it.. you yell but there's no sound, no noise, no words nothing uttered in the endless void.. Is this all to life or is there more to the narrow pipe of disaster flushing down the dirt and shit of life.
The waves beat higher.. the storm spins faster... they pull you down.. drown you and drain your very last breath. you suffer the endless toss.. the bottomless depth the screaming plunge which can't be heard by selfish humans who care less bout anything but their own soul for cryin out loud. The writer sits at the edge of his seat. fallin off the edge of my seat.
Friday, October 20, 2006
The Depth Of My Being
Beneath the surface of this being lies the untouched mind.
Unformed to it's prefection by the world around the mind lies bare, vulnarable to the changes of sudden effects. sometimes shrinking it to the toughest state. writers blog some call it the mind can't think of anything. It's sources and libraries locked away. Still the undaunted raw mind be unencumbered and unending with thoughts waiting to see and be seen by the world. many find hard to understand and the mind is many times understated and underestimated. maybe if it's more refined and brought under fine supervision for a time to be unlocked and rearranged and then maybe it would become a powerful thing.
Unformed to it's prefection by the world around the mind lies bare, vulnarable to the changes of sudden effects. sometimes shrinking it to the toughest state. writers blog some call it the mind can't think of anything. It's sources and libraries locked away. Still the undaunted raw mind be unencumbered and unending with thoughts waiting to see and be seen by the world. many find hard to understand and the mind is many times understated and underestimated. maybe if it's more refined and brought under fine supervision for a time to be unlocked and rearranged and then maybe it would become a powerful thing.
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