The update post

So I haven't been able to update for a bit since i haven't been home enough lately to use the computer. Now that I'm back I guess then I'm somewhat obliged to at least put up something here.

Post 1
The Riders Live
As you can see the title says it all. After weeks and months of not getting together finally we managed to pull off a day with 5 members on the field one fine Sunday, July 19th. Although we were anticipating a few more, some were out with injury or just away from town that weekend. All said, we managed to do a few basic drills on the field.

Post 2
The Riders Live II
And again The Riders live to see a second consecutive week. This time we had a shattering record of 11 people attending our Sunday scrimmage. Those present were Justin, Julian, Andrew, Daniel, Myself, Samuel Thum, and Justin's three friends Andrew, Fred, CM, and Sern (don't really know how to spell their names, my bad) who seemed really interested in the game and not forgetting Gary who came albeit a minor injury on his knee.

We started off a time of introducing the rules and techniques to the newcomers who were eager to learn and then had a few warm-up tosses to help them familiarize. Then we split into two teams Team 1: Julian, Justin, Sern, Andrew Ng, Fred. Team 2: Me, CM, Sam, AndrewC, Daniel.
yes... it seemed pretty imbalanced with the picks but we had fair picks XD.

Team 2 started the game from our 10 which got us up past midfield however a lost of yards was called due to carelessness. So on our last draw near our endzone I threw a long to AndrewC who caught the ball perfectly only to run precfectly out of bounds too with only a yard left for touchdown and while everyone was staring with disbelief he was celebrating his "touchdown."

So a turnover and ball on Team 1's 10. I'd have to say they made a good run down field but i guess due to inexperience their recievers couldn't catch the ball to make it count.

Team 2 had more experienced ball handlers which brought the team to put points on the scoreboard when it mattered. With long haulers like AndrewC and Daniel. Long passes was the ace card for the quarterback who was also able to run fast to rush the ball a good 12 yards to gain a first down which then led to the first touchdown. 3 points to team 2.

Team 1 finally had a good run and brought the ball close to their endzone. But Team 2 set up a goal line formation which put a good stop to their sneaky play of a QB dive to push them back another 2 yards and forced them to go with a pass play to score a TD. So the score tied to 3-3.
The next few touchdowns was from Team 2 with a criss-cross of the WR and HB down field team1's single CB was caught up in a mess as he didn't know who to follow resulting in a TD for Team2. and another touchdown after that from Team2 again. So with the last row for Team1 They decided to go for a long. QB Julian was in for it this time. Sending his twin towers up field and even his TE to a streak he made a long pass up their lawn into the midfield but came short. Team2's FS who managed to see the shortcoming was a little quicker then team1's TE to intercept the ball and run for a returning TD to end the day with a four to one touchdown resulting in a 12-3 score.

We hope to see more people coming next week so we can all learn this game make friends and connect with others with the same passion.

Drums and Roses

My next target for adding to my drums collection is cymbals. since i've got my double paddle and piccolo snare, the next big thing would be killer cymbals and i know just the right one to get at the right price :D check it out...


uh.. yeah ideally would be this one.. but no..



er.. yeah even better a set of this.. but for now.. no







voila!! this!! heheh stagg cymbals they kinda look like HHX but sounds crisp too so yeah.. my target for now

In The Valley

Ladies and Gents.. I'm only human, and humans are entitled to face failures sometimes. It's been a while since I've felt this lost actually. I've always held my head high and thought through things before actually acting on something. I weigh my choices and look at the options I have and find the best way to reach the goal I've placed in front of me. Even the small things that I was left to choose I'll give it sometimes of thought before acting and all these thinking and planning made my path clear and focused. Right? WRONG!!

As soon as I thought I was on the right track, and that I've done the right thing by choosing to do Theological studies I was thrown with options and others distractions and attractions. I thought it was the one right thing that I can even do with my choice right? I mean people around me look and say "whoa.. you're gonna be like your dad eh? going to be a pastor?" hah WRONG again (this time not on my side) I never saw myself being a pastor now seriously. I've always had a heart for missions and media. So I'm sorry to disappoint all of you out there who think I'm on the track of being a pastor like my dad or someone else. I did not go into theological education to come out with a beaming degree in theology that enables me to sorta walk up to people and say "I am Pastor James!" or whatsoever. None of that was ever taken into account. It was for my own growth and insight so I can be more effective in my future task or at least am able to answer questions thrown at me, it was to help me develope a mind and heart that is Christ centered and not just head knowledge that wasn't even really capable of understanding the true meaning of being a Christian.

As hard as it was for me to make the decision to enter into theological enducation, it is even harder for me now to consider my next step from here. Not to say i don't trust God or anything. I honestly believe in His sovereignty and His faithfullness in providing for those who honor and serve Him. But i also believe that sometimes we have to make a conscious decision as to whether we want to do His bidding or not and that does not necessarily mean we have to go to wherever people see fits the puzzle. Sometimes He uses us in different ways than that of which we could imagine. I'm certainly now in a place where i can no longer see any light or any road or any direction that I should be going in. I feel totally lost, like i am in the valley or darkness. I need a miracle, i need a sign, i need God to show right now i need to know what to do or i'm just gonna sit here and wait until something happens.

It brings tears to my eyes when i think of the things i've done, or the so many times i've screwed up and made bad choices and what's worse than thinking it's the right thing and then to have to turn back and say i blew it after people see a worth in backing you up and to see all that support just seemingly go to waste? I don't know but i can't bear the thought of making people think i'm not a finisher because i can't finish something i was so determined it was the right thing for me to do. I need to just pray until i hear an answer. oh God..

Dancing on the clouds

Say so most of you have heard of my trip to Sarawak haha.. well i'm officially in MIRI!! woohoo :D
The journey wasn't as expected tho.. The flight was set for 3p.m. so i took a bus from Bangsar area where I waited for like (seems like) ever for the bus to Sentral. Thankfully Ju was there waiting with me even though it was as hot as hell... From Sentral I didn't have time to go get what i needed/wanted coz of the lack of time so immediately i went on the AirAsia bus and headed for LCCT. Met up with my parents there then ate at McD and then checked in our luggage. So we moved on into the waiting hall for our plane at about 2:20 so we waited patiently :) till the clock struck 2:40 there was still no sign of our plane... then the dreaded part of the wait came.. the announcement ring haha.. "ladies and gentleman, bla bla bla..." the flight was delayed for an hour and 20 mins... wth???!!! ah... i knew i should've just went shopping earlier on haha wanted to buy a rubix cube actually but didn't sheesh totally should've. So finally 4:20 and our plane came.. but yeah.. guess what we only took off at 5ish.. then there was one guy who complained to the stewardess and all claim for free food yadda yadda haha which was funny just watching and kinda embarassing as well when my parents were also talking to him and all lolz..
(but we do get to claim actually eheh)
anyways.. on to the journey we took off in a cloudy hazy dark sky.. sent off by a kumulunimbus cloud.. too bad i didn't have my dad's camera with me otherwise could've totally took awesome shots. the skyline was just beautiful at 37,000 ft with rolling clouds, thin clouds, then there were parts where the plane was sanwiched by clouds on top and below it's just amazing and showing how God is such an awesome designer and creator.
we landed at about 7:20 and my bro picked us up.. went to an awesome house...

the house from outside

the guest book

the awesome room ( i was supposed to stay here too) but if i did no updates d haha

lovely fruit basket

... and they got a kitchen too

Then we went for dinner after dropping their(parents) stuff at the house. OH and there's a Jalan Bunga Tanjung here haha just like Penang.. although it was too dark to see anything Josh still took us round here and there to see the town lolz..

makan time haha!! seafood!!

more food..

my bro's ride


and... finally that's me with Percy haha (josh's cat)


guess that's it for now.. the cat has been jumping up and down.. running here and there going crazy and all lolz.. that's all for today haha more pics will be up on facebook tomorrow hopefully :D

Blog transfer

For those of you know follow, although it's a small number to none i presume hahah, i've always had two blogs, one tabulas account and this one. both serving different purposes with tabulas being more a daily thingy (although not daily updated) or a what i'm going through update and this blog being a more artistic or poetic, sharing thoughts kind of a blog.

however i've decided to change the method and combine both blogs into this one so the tabulas will be sort of left to die :D with a notice that i've changed to this one. so yeah do check back for more updates :D

Word For Today

Rules For Handling Anger (2)

Let each one of you speak truth... - Ephesians 4:25 NKJV

Rule 2: Keep it non-lethal. Paul writes: 'In your anger do not sin... ' (Ephesians 4:26 NIV). What do Paul's words mean? Don't let your anger escalate to the point of doing damage. Don't use your words as a weapon or a control mechanism. It's okay to express your emotions in a healthy way, but keep them in check. Your goal must be to resolve the problem and strengthen the relationship, not 'sound off' and wound the other person. Is this easy to do? No. You'll need a good strong dose of grace to do it. Words spoken in jest, sarcasm, self-righteousness or 'righteous indignation' wound people, sometimes permanently. '... Perverseness [of the tongue] breaks the spirit.' (Proverbs 15:4 NKJV). '... A crushed spirit who can bear?' (Proverbs 18:14 NIV). 'The tongue can bring death... ' (Proverbs 18:21 NLT). Angry words, once unleashed, can: '... Go down into a man's inmost parts' (Proverbs 26:22 NIV). Your words can live in the heart and memory of a person and go all the way to the grave with them. We say, 'Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me,' but it's not true. A person can die of a crushed spirit, and the one who spoke the words can live to regret the damage they inflicted and never get a chance to undo it. On the other hand, anger properly handled never needs to be repented of. So learn to differentiate between the anger you feel and the words you speak. Anger carefully thought through, can reveal important information about needed changes. Focus on that, and ask God to show you what needs changing in the other person; and you!

All of us - a song by Blindside

As soon as you stepped through my door,
I saw You for the first time all over again.
And time well spent seems
Lonelier than the way it used to go.

As I smell you for the first time all over again
I'll begin to remember to be alive
So if you don't mind
I think I'll wear my heart on my sleeve,
'Cause I'm tired of not being able to breathe.

All of us are searching for an open arm.
Well, it's a shame how I curl up in the dark
When it's the same old word giving me the spark.
All of us are searching for an open arm.
Well, it's a shame how I curl up in the dark

I've felt a loss for some time
I slipped, stumbled, but fell face first
straight into your hand.
Then I hit my head on your palm
And waking up to the smell
Of tears drying up in the sand

All of us are searching for an open arm.
Well, it's a shame how I curl up in the dark
When it's the same old word giving me the spark.
All of us are searching for an open arm.
Well, it's a shame how I curl up in the dark

I washed my wounds with tears of hope.
I washed my wounds with tears of hope.
I just ...

All of us are searching for an open arm
Well, it's a shame how I pull myself apart.
When it's the same words making me run for cover to your arms.

(All of us are searching for an open arm)
When it's the same words making me run for cover to your arms.
(All of us are searching for an open arm)
(All of us are searching for an open arm)

The Easter Post

A man traveling through the great city once known to have the most glorious building known as the Temple, once stood in all its magnificent glory now only in a rubble and one wall standing...

As he stood there staring at the enormous wall..things began to twirl around felling dizzy and unsure of what was happening he felt himself lifted up and began spinning till everything went black..

When everything finally came to a stop he slowly opened his eyes.. must've been a bad headache he thought to himself. As he turned around to walk back to his lodge he noticed from the corner of his eye something different about the wall, so he turn about to get a better look again and true enough the wall was different. It was proper and no cracks to be found on it no eroding bricks or broken edges was seen.. "What happened?!" panicking he quickly looked around hoping to find something familiar. But to his horror the buildings around him before were gone, he could see only dirt covered huts a little distance away, small square buildings were the only sort of buldings seen around. The roads were dustier than ever and then he noticed people wearing robes in front of what was the temple front, but their robes werre different from what he saw earlier at the wall and now there was no one facing the wall. He hurried down to see what was happening.. The Temple stood there.. There was no longer a mosque on the flat concrete, there was no concrete! It was the temple he was facing. Suddenly the people in front of the temple noticed him. They shouted "Who are you?!" and "What are you doing there?," He couldn't find the words to answer, the language he learnt was a little different.. suddenly someone shouted "He's a spy!!" realizing he was in deep trouble, he turned and ran as fast as he could toward the little houses, the closest he could find looking for a place to hide. He ran and ran, turned at corners trying to avoid anyone in sight looking for an open door or a hole he could just run in to hide, then he saw a small opening at the end of one of the lanes and dashed toward it as fast as he could but as he turned.. Wham!! he ran into a big wall.. he didn't see it there before.. again he was in a daze.. everything went blank and all he could hear was the ring in his head from the hit..

...to be con't..

Making Decisions

In life there's so many things we go through that shape our life, shape our values and goals at the end of the day. We grow up under the tender and loving care of our parents for those of us who are blessed to see our begotters till our mature age. They choose the things that they deem to be purposeful, things that will help us grow, nurture us to grow up to be good people. Luk 11:11 "Now suppose one of you fathers is asked by his son for a fish; he will not give him a snake instead of a fish, will he?.....(11:13) So if you who are evil know how to give good gifts to your children..."

As we grow older we are given more responsibility and more choices to make. Instead of being fed, we have to work for our food. Slowly and under careful watch we learn the lesson of choice and consequence and we learn to be responsible mature adults at the end of the day. I for one am an example of this lesson and have grown to appreciate the times i am able to discern for myself the things which i'm called to. Yes it's true i've made choices that do not reflect the Father, but i'm under his gracious love and careful watch. And to my lost it took me so many years of my intellectual age to realize this truth and reality of life.

Even to the many mistakes I've made along the way from growing up given the chance to make mistakes, fall and pick myself up again I'm ever thankful for His mercy and care. Through the years I was in college, picking up bad habits and falling time and time again into temptations to fall short I'm ever tried and torn in the reality that I still haven't awaken to face which is that i can't do it on my own. From the time i've finished college to the transition of work i continue to make choices that saddens the Father as He watches with pain and always longin to see me turn back to Him.

It's when i finally lost the reason for fighting for my life and being called by the helper that i finally looked back to him. And when i did, He called. I answered without hessitant. My plans and goals, put on hold, even some were totally thrown away. However, even as i answered that call and went to seminary it was a blunt, blind and goalless path with my eyes so filled with my own desires. I was still falling in my ways and though in a seemingly safe environtment I was running away, making my own decisions, putting the "ME" at the centre of my life. It took me a year after to realize that the "I" was sitting and ruling my own heart. I cried, and i wept when i realized my foolishness in my own ways.. I've hurt the father so many times that an earthly father might resort to disown a son, but He so lovingly shed His blood that i might be forgiven and made whole so i may come to Him again.

I thought to myself that if i had gone away to another place to learn more of His word I might not turn out half as bad as i went. But the truth in the matter is that no matter where i went, if my heart wasn't prepared i will end up the same as i am in my possition here. It's to the realization that He needs to be the centre and on the throne of our hearts that will transform us into submitting to His will.

i do not deny the fact that there is a chance i might be different from what i went through here if i went abroad, but when i do come back as a different person so to speak what impact will it cause to the lives of those i mingle with here. They will but look at me and say "OH, He's changed now we can't go near to him..."? Is that the person i want to see myself become? Yes i do want to change into a better Christ-like person but i see myself being placed here so that my change gradually will also gather those around me to be changed into what He's called us to. And it is my prayer that i will be a light unto this world more and more each day, a life i will myself to sacrifice for the sake of His Kingdom and His love. I still am learning to be more and more like Him. It's a lesson and a choice of surrender and submission to Him in which i have to make each day.

Making Decisions  POSTED AT 03:09 AM January 26th, 2009

Praise Belongs To You

Gave me life
Washed me clean
Took my sins
upon the cross
Shed your blood
bore my shame

pre# now all i live is for Your name
All my days proclaim Your fame

Ch# I'm gonna sing Your praise
Gonna raise it to the ends of the earth
gonna praise You till the end of days
My life i choose to live for You
All Glory and Praise to You
Jesus my praise belongs to You

Showed the world
You love so great
To give Your live
a sacrifice
So that all
Might be called to you

**
Now all I'm called
Is to give my all
All you want is
for me to take your love
to all the world

Change? What change?

The recent things happening around us in this lifetime are changing for the better or the worse as we deem it good or bad for us. Everyday changes are happening around us, some that we know and others that we know not of.

Our life as Christians should be one that has undergone change the day we first received the gift of salvation and that if we really, truly in our hearts know the meaning of salvation. What does it mean to enter into the kingdom of God? Are we in for the amount of 'blessings' we are able to get from Him? are we then, in it for the sake of His love for us that He had given us His life?

A lot of us pray for change to happen. We ask God to change our situation, we ask Him to change our bosses, we ask Him to change those around us, or those more righteous will ask God to change our lives, or change the world to be a better place. Asking Him to change our community, our nation, and lives. But do we look inside the center of it all? Why isn't anything happening? why do we still see the world to be a place full of brokenness, where revival is not happening or seems so near yet so far.

We are not in need of change. We are lacking in repentance. God has given in us the cross everything. We ask for more of Him, more of the Holy Spirit, but the truth in the matter is that He has given us more than we need. The cross has said it all, He has given it all. The question is are we letting Him work in us, through us. Do we allow Him to use us. If we truly genuinely have experienced the gift of salvation, the grace he has shown us, if we really understand the meaning of his death on the cross that change that we so ask of Him for will happen starting from within us because He has enabled us through the power of the Holy Spirit.

If we Do not repent don't talk about change, if we don't make a choice, don't talk about change.. If only we repent, turn from our own ways, understand the grace that He has given us and make that conscious decision to change then only change will take place. We can't change if we keep on praying "God change me" and do nothing about our own lifestyle. If we do not align our world view to the way God sees things how will change take place?

We need to turn from our wicked ways, take up our cross, follow Jesus. Do we have the heart for the lost? Do we see those around the way God sees them? He has died on the cross for all of them even the neighbor you hate so much, even the junkie that you despise. The fact that He has died on the cross says that they are worthy to receive his gift. Who are we to judge whether he or she is worthy of receiving the saving grace of the Father? Judge not lest we be judge by the measure in which we judge. We are called to tell of the goodnews, the gospel of the cross to everyone regardless of who they are, so unless our minds are renewed and our worldview changed, that we start reaching out to those around us that change will happen according to God's plan and purpose.

life isn't

life isn't just about earning or making a living, it's not just about establishing our carreer

life isn't about going for what we want

it's not about fame and fortune

yea

but what surrounds me now is all that crap and the need for that trash

everyone is striving to make their piece while some of us are left out cast coz we don't meet "their" standards and feel distress that everyone is turning that way

feeling hopeless becasue the ones that were close to them indulge in things that will take away their life

Nobody Knows

Nobody knows
Nobody knows but me
That I sometimes cry
If I could pretend that I'm asleep
When my tears start to fall
I peek out from behind these walls
I think nobody knows
Nobody knows no

Nobody likes
Nobody likes to lose their inner voice
The one I used to hear before my life
Made a choice
But I think nobody knows
No no
Nobody knows
No

Baby
Oh the secret's safe with me
There's nowhere else in the world that I could ever be
And baby don't it feel like I'm all alone
Who's gonna be there after the last angel has flown
And I've lost my way back home
I think nobody knows no
I said nobody knows
Nobody cares

It's win or lose not how you play the game
And the road to darkness has a way
Of always knowing my name
But I think nobody knows
No no
Nobody knows no no no no

Baby
Oh the secret's safe with me
There's nowhere else in the world that I could ever be
And baby don't it feel like I'm all alone
Who's gonna be there after the last angel has flown
And I've lost my way back home
And oh no no no no
Nobody knows
No no no no no no

Tomorrow I'll be there my friend
I'll wake up and start all over again
When everybody else is gone
No no no

Nobody knows
Nobody knows the rhythem of my heart
The way I do when I'm lying in the dark
And the world is asleep
I think nobody knows
Nobody knows
Nobody knows but me
Me

Want You

Started off as friends
I-was walking down the hallway
When-you caught my eyes
Stared at each other
And it seemed like forever to me

You smiled and looked away
Walk with your friends— out-the doorway
Hooked up the next day
Came a long way from there
Now we’re falling apart….

Am I tired of being used
Or is it something I won’t do
Could it be, just the thing, that we do
Coz all the time, we’ve waited for this moment
There’s nothing right, just feelings and emotions
Stirred about us, left by the others
What could it be?
(I’d want you)

You told me you’d never leave me
You said it’ll be forever, never to end..
Sold me out, thrown-me-out-the-window
Now you want me
You want it back….

jamest (c) 2008 tuesday november 04, 2008

Looking Up

Sometimes looking around us brings a sense of helplessness. trying to decern the things that happen in the past and present situations, hoping to get something out of it. Many times i've made decisions i will go head on with till the day i die but as i look back some of those i've made i now live in regret of making those impulsive conscious decisions that affect the lives of those around me as well. as i look up i find that the sovereignty of the one above is too much for me to handle. I've tried not to think of the things that will wear me down but sometimes i just can't help it. 

Feelings inside me can churn me up that the wounds i experience outside are nothing in comparison the the cut i feel inside. As i sit in one corner and she in the other i reflect on what we've shared and what we've selfishly decide making things look so complicated when simple and simple when meant to be complicated. Nothing is what it seems to me now.. i question some of what i hold to be valueble and create new values of life from those deceased words of experience.

Everything is Beautiful

Worn out, Wasted

Like bird with broken wings

Sometimes grace reminds me

I don't get to be the king...

but love it washes over

love it pulls me closer

love it changes everything..

everything is Beautiful

even when the tears are falling

i don't need a miracle to believe

even in the crashing down

i can hear redemption calling

and everything is beautiful to me

sweetly you release me

from the weight of what i've done

the trigger pulls the hammer

but the bullets never come..

love like a landslide, like the wind

spins around and pulls me in

and it's unveiling i begin....

Solitude, Silence and Prayer

I'd say the ideal way to living life to the fullest is being in a fellowship of those tuned in to the truth revealed about the one God. I find myself seeing the the possibility of seeking out a place of solitude only with those disciplined and full of the wisdom of God. The call to a life of silence, only speaking nothing but profound and wise words, words of truth about the reality of this world, all seeking for more enlightenment and revelation from the Creator Himself. The world in all seems to produce more and more misconceptions about life including those of credentials of knowledge made by the folly of man. I find that if only we lived in tune with the ways of God, we will understand the wisdom and folly in existence all around us. If we tune ourselves away from the distractions of this world and focus only on the truths that the Father has placed in our lives we'll be able to find the peace and wisdom through prayer.

Faceless Man

People write about things they feel in the present state they're in or about the thoughts they have hogging over them for a period of time. Sometimes it's just a random fact or fortune that they put into existence.

All the works done by an artist sometimes aren't appreciated or seen of any value until a later part in history or when they die perhaps? No form of recording were available in time of their creating the pieces of expression. Certain number of their contribution are accepted by the general society but yet most of it are considered worthless cept-by a small group of non-conformist who find those left out by society to be intriguing in a certain way making sense out of the things that mean nothing to the rest of the world. Yet the most wonderful and priceless pieces of expressions are no where to be found unless they are brought back from the dead to record the things on their mind. The journeyman writing has but many of his visions left in the secret of his mind left unpublished in the other world. Those revealed are nothing but a fraction of the pertaining ideas hidden in the tunnels of his imagination, unreachable, untouchable, never able to be brought out due to lack of the sciences still far away from discovering truth even about the existance of this world from the perspective of man who presumes there is no god but yet fail to find an answer to their theories of existance.

One man embarks on a journey of his life finding no peace in everything he does even though his perception of life lies in the faith of his childhood that there is a greater one out there. This world however has many-a-times ill treated the journeyman and his thoughts of wisdom left unattended to and dismissed by the aged and seemingly wise to the standard of their calculation. Yet as young as the journeyman might seem, the hiddden treasures lay burried until the day a soul is able to unearth the secrets of the black heart of the faceless man. The journeyman lays faceless in this world of a million beings unaccounted for but only known by the one above. Trapped in the severity of the proud big men in his lifetime, the pride of those seemingly wiser and experienced in life or so it seems but yet fail to live out the words they speak and preach; it all goes to the dust and the wind comes and carries them away. The journeyman, strives to reach the state of better imperfection that those before him have tried to but fail, even though the road which he travels on seems impossible as there is no end to the road he sees yet his faith tells him to go on and on till the last breath is drawn.

Journeys through the mountains and valleys are part of the road, steep and stable are the terrains of life. This is the road that the faceless man has chosen, not to accomplish anything for his own pride and honor but that one day his face might be brought high in the high places by the judge of life.

Calling Quits?

People say don't do things only to end up giving up half way through. I find that true though it only applies to certain things in life. There are some things better calling quits than letting it distract you from all priorities and sometimes this calls for a sacrifice to be made sometimes not just one but a whole package of sacrifices which could include what ppl call friends and members. Still it's under comtemplation and available for second thoughts. Though i agree music is one of my passion i still find that somethings aren't as necessary as it would seem. Even though it's been in my list of things to do which is starting a band i think it's time i give up on one and take on another, a better one perhaps? Oh well, though it could be in regret leaving one or if lucky two valueble friends otherwise it's all been dealt with by the way things goes of taking into consideration a "family" as what people seem to asume to be treated. It's not to say i wouldn't miss the company for the short span of time that was there but it could be something to lay aside seeing it might not be worth putting so much effort into if all you might get in return is a group of exclusives hungry for high society companions and there willing for a period of time and when all's worn thin moving on to the next victim. Buddies or not sometimes.. if not as a fact: nothing in this world last anyway.

I've much a many times felt like quitting on my pursuit for depth of insight and knowledge but i know if i push on in this, the end would be rewarding. Yes, i'm behind many of my assignments however i'm still gonna push through and brush aside petty matters that were around to pull my attention away from what's more important which is what i've already set my goal on in the first place.

pebble thoughts

Sun rise in the break of dawn
Where ever you've gone
I know you're alone
The promises i made
were meant to last
though the memories
seem like dust
my thoughts of you will stay the same

Skies turn grey from blue
Waves crash on shores of rocks
from dawn to dusk
our love will last
till end time comes
or one of us gets taken away
while time permits my trust
these are my pebble thoughts

winds change without our knowing
life can be harsh
on us we know
the sanctity of life
still remains true
and one day
when it breaks down
it's all up to us to hold our trust

love can be tested
still i'll never back down
one step at a time
i'll make you mine
and for that ever, we'll find


words by jamest 01:46 sep 25 2008