Utter disappointment

All that I've done the last week was wasted as i couldn't run this week. I think i over used my legs until the point where resting 2 days is not even enough for it to recover. After stretching and warming up, came the regular rounds in time attack. So i felt a bit of pain already while doing my warmup laps, but i still went on running. Went on my pace steadily although today i started a little behind compared to my past few weeks of starting ahead of the crowd. did 3 mins plus for the first two rounds but when i came near the third round, that was when i felt the sharp pain deep in my shin again. I knew it was the last round so i kept pushing until the pain was hard to bear, it felt like I'd rather break those legs than feel this way(although in reality breaking them would be more painful). So i sat the rest of the day watching the rest of the team do the drills as i reflect on being stupid for pushing myself too far. But that is not the utter disappointment. The so many questions that flood my mind seem to be pointing me to an end.

am i strong or do i just think i am?
am i arrogant or am i meek?
am i proud or am i humble?
am i wise or am i foolish?
do people like to be around me or do people want to stay away from me?
am i intimidating or am i inviting?
am i threatening?
am i pushing things too far or am i not taking it far enough?
do i know a lot or do i think i know a lot?
do i know too much?

the list goes on and on it's like an identity crisis or rather it actually is. What does it feel to be deprived? What is it like to be lonely? Loneliness is not being alone in your own room, loneliness is being surrounded by a sea of people and you still can't find yourself, and you still don't feel loved. Sometimes i ask myself, how much significance do i have? Will i be remembered for the good reasons or the bad reasons? will i be remembered at all? If i die, what will be written for my remembrance? Undoubtedly sometimes i feel like i wouldn't live a very long time on this earth, but the journey itself seem to take forever. When will my work be complete? will i even be ready? or is my mission far from my reach? I have no answers. I wish i did.