Temprements

i know i know.. the fruit of the spirit bla bla bla... self control.. bla bla bla.. but is there a time you just can't anymore?
Well i've been strugling a lot with that. I've been haveing bad days all the time and everytime i do something and i see that something rage and i dunno what else to say builds up and i just can't contain myself.. now that hardly ever anyone reads this outpost of mine wahahah.. but yeah does anyone ever read both of my outposts eh? Whatever... But the situation is driving me nutso.. What's the punch line? kick ass? just outwit and outwin.. but outwit what? my dumb brains? lolx.. my brain is not dumb though iam alittle dyslecxic(don't even klnow how to spell that) you'd never imagined huh.. i use to startle too.. even now sometimes.. and back to my brain is not dumd i'm not dumb. Just inteligent in a different aspect and in a sense lazy.. yeah.. hate me coz i'm lazy.. hahaha.. Throwin raves at "unnecessary" things that seem presumtuously small. What's the big deal and what's wrong? everythin, from the beginning to the end of time top to the botom north to south east to west.. everything is WRONG!! Blinded you are said Yoda waahahah.. life is sick, i'm sick. My conclusion YOU ARE SICK!!!!!!!!! to the core.. yes.. to the core..

Look to Jesus

Look at they skieslook at the seas
how great and awesome is he
even the birds have a place to dwell
how much more is His love
for you and i

what can we ask
what can't be given
it's only a question away
children draw close to his heart
then how much more is his love
for you and i

and we dance as we sing a love song to jesus
oh what a joy as our hearts fall down
before the throne of your mercy
and we cry out to You as we come in
to your mercy seat
and it's by your blood
that was poured out for me
this amazing love

come if you're hungry
come if you're thirsty
drink from the well
look to Jesus

April 7, '06

not even scient

what a phrase to remember... a quote from pastor Moses "you can't worship until you see the worth"
I was reading fishtail's post yesterday and i wrote an article but when i tried to post it the whole page went on an error.. well the post had nothing to do with what he posted recently but what was at the side under the profile corner. The writeout on Anapurna or also known as Macchapucchre or fishtail.. because when you see it fomr an angle it looks like a whale's tail, totally amazing when you see it face to face. Nepal is such a beautiful place with the mountains and ranges surrounding it. It reminds me of how great and big is our God and how everything was made beautiful.

Everything was beautiful until man took things into their own hands.. ignoring the truth that has been there before is here and will always be there. We start to have to sweat and toil to get what we need after the fall. But by the grace of God we lack nothing but in everything by prayer and suplication and with thanksgiving, we let our request made known to God.. Since the fall and man lost that intimate relationship with Him we've always been looking to something or someone to turn to a higher being to be under or to worship. Some wise men have done their thinking and their own theories and philosyphy which point man to the way but is incomplete and in time with the hunger in man these great men evolved into an idol instead of their ways being followed completely which is not what they meant it to be. In a sect, to achieve the final is to be able to empty yourself through the means of meditation. many different dictrines and philosophies have been created to satisfy the void inside of man which only One can satisfy.

The human idea of meditation; emptying yourself. What and how will this help you to achieve the highest call? It's nothing but mere emptiness like it's already stated; empty yourself. Not to say it is completely wrong we indeed should empty ourselves. Now you may think i'm contradicting values and even my own words but no. What was said and taught is incomplete.. yes we need to empty ourselves of our flesh and be filled with the Comforter and not the 'other' one which is what happens when we're to empty and filled with nothing. The 'other' will come and occupy. Some great men have claimed to achieve the final stage so to speak but reaching complete emptiness and mey seem from the outwardly that they've found peace. But what lies beneath the surface no one knows. Everyone has thier own mask. Many have been blinded from the truth that they are literally empty and they are convinced that it is their path of life. We alwasy hunger for a fellowship but we can't find the one we need. Man creates figures and laws of their own concerning the 'salvation' of man but there is only one true salvation and that's through the blood. Who can understand His ways? Cleanse me and keep me from presumtuous sins.

How and where can men find peace but in Him. Who can fill that void but Him. Why then is man still seeking in the wrong places? What then is the greater calling? How will they know unless someone tells them? Yet we see the lost.. many being content with pleasures of this world and some even 'empty' from the world and seem to be fulfilled. but what's in their hearts? Truly "the heart of man is decietful above all things, it is desperately sick; who can understand it?" who can understand it? who can know what is in the hearts of man but One. knowing in our minds and walking it out seem to be a different dimension altogether. It's like a flat piece and a 3d piece; words are like a 2d(flat) piece is unclear unless it is made out and translated into a 3d piece do we get a full picture of what it is.

Look at the skies... a perfect illustration for man.. Before the fall everything was beautiful, so was the sky and everything in the atmosphere.. Looking toward the heavens one will see stars and the air is fresh and not poisoning. But now look it is poluted just like we are and it blocks away the glory of God from heaven. Clouds block out the sunlight only a grey tint in the sky, no pure light without distortion from the sun.. now everything is blurred as we keep working and working and building our own 'castles' of what we belive in and where we stand. Until the day earth realizes that air is poluted and stop toiling and rest will the skies be made clear from all polutants which poison us and we'll be able to see the truth.

hapyday

a sigh i give,
a sigh i take,
a slip of fate,
a big mistake,
a slip of fate,
a price i paid,
i can't retake,
no i can't remake,

thus i shall not fall,
into a gloomy mood at all,
a joyous day it is to say,
for on this day i say i pray,
a single word of hope i may,
of love and joy i ask to stay,
for on this day a star on earth,
was birth to stay

late am i?

if i'd known,
it would be different,
and if i'd known,
i wouldn't be sittin here,

if i'd known,
the world would be mine,
and if i'd known,
everything would shine,

call me blind
but i didn't see it coming,
call me blind,
i didn't see it going,

call me blind,
but i don't think i deserve it,
call me anything but i hope i'm just not too..
late.

jamesT 0209 Jan30 2006

Vain Glory

a piece of fame
not meant to be
taken on your life journey
showing a glimpse of
what's unnecesary

do it all for yourself
forget all those around
keep them out of thought
taking all the name
not giving the credit to who's worth it

should be given
better not taken
never to be stolen
from the one who owns the glory
less it be vain glory

dictionary meaning
vain: 1 having no real value; worthless 2 without effect; futile

glory: 1 great honor or fame 2 adoration 3 great splendor, prosperity 4heavenly bliss

vain'glory: empty boasting Latin - vana gloria, excessive vanity

a sentence of sentiments

what's a dime in a pocket
to a hand making lockets
nothing but sentiments
and monuments as time flies by

things often seen
have often been neglected
till the day they pass away
we pass them along our way

books and words
pronounce the verbs
and pictures tell a million stories
like birds sing their tune so freely

our reflection in a mirror
we see it daily
but as time goes by
so fades our glory
lest we make time to paint our story
we'll be gone like the seed in the thorny

dedicated to pastor Phillip

father of many
how we will miss you
who will we kiss now
the love you showed
covered the hurts we felt
in times we don't feel strong

you put us before you
now you're ahead of us
in eternity
the love of all you gave plenty
how we might feel empty
and now we are

those times you extend your hand
you showed me a great deal
of His plan to me
i'm gratefull for those times you stood by me
making the choices
i hardly could make my own

showing His heart for the nations
your seeds will be remembered
those that were planted and
someday i hope to take them up and gather
to be a blessing just like you were

in memory of Pastor Phillip(godpa)
"father of many"
love,
james
-17 dec 2005-

train in toughts

the sound of wheels echo in the background
thoughts stir as i ponder on the facts
that i've just questioned
everything seems to spin yet seemed still
as i stare and gaze at them
yet they remain clear and unclear to my physical eyes
I see them in my mind but it only flashes in my eyes
Can't comprehend the emotions that run
through my thoughts and feeling
As i journey south next to a soul that entices my eyes
the feeling of lonesome surrounds me in
the still trapped air of my surrounding
my head starts to spin as the back
of my spine aches and my eyes give out on me
I resist but to no avail i lay down and surrender
hoping tomorrow would turn out better

pain

forget what was said
don't remember what was done
try to lose what i've found
feelings inside my head
breaks the form of life
stirring emotions

all seem empty and meaningless
what to say?
nothing i can do
can't fight the remorse feeling
that's due to strike
everything's hidden behind the smile

though i try to mask it
the truth still seems to have the upper hand
i hunger, i strife
to find the pieces left behind
from the brokenness
that filled the void

a question asked
but i can't reply
i can't deny that it hurts inside
but nothing's moved on the other side
it all seems blunt to me
blur and fogged, masked and blocked

When shadows fade

Shadows
come from the trace
lines of darkness formed by light surrounding
the silhoutte of the forms and shapes

when shadows fade
the light brings the day
unveiling the forms of the shadows seen
the clarity of true forms comes

though it's unclear what we see
sometimes we still linger in the forms of things unseen
not knowing what truth lies beneath it all
till shadows fade away

strugling through life's questions
unrevealed though many times lingered
they stay the same, all unnamed
when shadows fade

unwilling to be seen
no trace of what's inside of me
hiding and standing where the light is dimmed and behind
that blinds the eyes from the silver line of light

still searching
wanting to be seen
but i can't wait till the sun goes up and that's all i have
when shadows fade

flowers blooming (choices, left and right)

I look each day
they grow day by day
i see and marvel at their beauty
a rose without thorns is hard not to pick
but a rose with thorns is true and pure
side by side they grow alike
the gardener cannot decide which to pick
as a pleasant gift

i lie in wait for him to choose
the one he feels is best and suits
both are seemingly strong and bright
as the sun light touches their petals
they glow as if the day has not unfold

a bed of roses?
yes life is.. with thorns and thrones
sticks and stones
they break my bones
and words last for a time unknown
some make you fly but some you'll cry
i wish that mine would lift them high

some crazy days @_-

swing swing around in the ground
tables and chairs flyin around
spoons and glasses from the clown
cups and cones they fall down
car loaded with guns and bullets
i fly into the sky with my private jet and crash in the clouds

summer's filled with snow and ice
winter's even colder than the mountain
my wheels are in town
and i'm sittin around
air is fresh with the smell of trash
crowd in the barn and burn food down

fall and fall
crawl and brawl
when the colors of the sky turn grey in my eye
shadows in the sky and light from the ground
mirror in my mind
shatters like steel in the furnace

craziness and insanity
lame and lame
walk with a cane and stick
throw all the pain and pills down the drain
wait for the rain and call it a day

See

it's not what we always hope
it's not always how we want it
we can't control it
but someone's in control

empty words come from me
all i speak are things unworthy
but who could tell me?
no one knows the truth behind the lines

so i run
and try to catch the light
but the light seems out of my reach
it's too deep to comprehend
but it shines for me
now i see..

our days are numbered
can't go with fiery chariots
how will it be?
i wait and watch and see

can't go on without a goal
can't breathe without a god
can i still be so blind
to not see the truth behind this life?

so i run
and try to catch the light
but the light seems out of my reach
it's too deep to comprehend
but it shines for me
now i see..

words by jamest

life and death

Life and death are in the hands of God.
We've been hearing from the enws that everyday disasters happen if not in our country it's somewhere else. Count ourselves blessed that our country is protected from such extreme situations.
But as we examine it clearly. These things don't just happen out of the blue. it's a sign to us to be ready. We as Christians should be ready for His coming in time. It's very very soon. Disasters are a wake up call for us. The tsunamis, hurricanes, earthquakes etc etc. Time is closing.
Take a look at the middle east. what's happening between Israel and Palestine? read revelation. What happens when they are at peace? Jesus' second coming is near. It can be anytime, don't get left behind. It's not a pleasant thing. So what are you doing with your life?

I'm on the journey

'The fatter the sow is,
the more she desires the mud.
the more healthy the lustful man is
the more likely he is to do evil.'

'There is a desire in women to dress attractively;
but let it be attractive in God's sight.'

"It is much easier to be watchful for a night or two
than for a year;
so it is easier to begin to profess well
than to go on to the end."

"Every ship's captain in a storm will
willingly throw overboard what is least in value;
only those who do not fear God
will throw out the best first."

'one leak can sink a ship;
and one sin can destroy a sinner.'

"He that lives in sin and looks for eternal happiness
is like a man who sows weeds and
expects tofill his barn with a harvest of wheat'

"If in this world there is so much of beauty;
how much more beautiful if the Heaven
which God has commended"

"'everyone will be glad at the goodness of men;
but who rejoices at the goodness of God?'"

~The Pilgrims Progress..

Was reading it when felt convicnted to write this down..:

"let what the Lord wills to happen,
happen to me that i may be in His glory
at the end of my journey"

and something cool that i thought i want to be engraved on my tombstone:

"what is death that i should fear? for the One I've my faith has died and rose again"

then again my thought...;

In life there are many trails and dangers,
Some fail and others succeed.
It's true that many times I've fallen
and not take things the right way,
I ask for all to forgive me
If i've made you to stumble and fall,
I will now stay strong and be of good witness
to those around me.
If there be any errors in my actions
take it to me so i may change and turn from the wrong way.

glory to whom?

Who are we giving glory to with our lives? We were made to serve the body of Christ to be united as one body. When we are united we are giving glory to God. But when we fight with each other we are giving glory to the enemy. He’ll be enjoying his time laughing at us when we fight. His purpose is to tear up the church. And when we fight against each other we have help him to achieve his goals.

When ever families quarrel or fight, especially families that are leaders fight he’s there laughing and scorning. When there’s disunity in the church we put God’s name to shame. How many times do we have to do that. We’ve heard we know we shouldn’t do it but yet. We keep on repeating what we shouldn’t be doing.

Our lives, we are supposed to be in one accord. When there’s a disagreement we come to God. Not blow up and fight with each other. Sometimes it’s not just physical. We take each others to court over positions. But God’s word says not to bring your brothers to court. But yet what are we doing? Satan’s plans are being fulfilled daily because of us who fail to do the right thing. We need to evaluate what we do in every situation. A lot of times when something goes wrong we blow up and curse and do all the things we shouldn’t do. Yes it’s not wrong to be angry, but remember what God’s word says, be angry and don’t sin. We have all the right to be angry. Jesus was angry when the people defiled the temple and he even chased them out. There’s a time to be angry but we shouldn’t take it to the wrong direction. Ask God what would He do and ask Him to help you do the right thing.

Families are the core of the church and when there’s disunity in families. It’s hard for the church to be in unity as well. We should always be hand in hand to overcome the enemy and not let him create havoc in our lives.

Well enough about him already. So in any occasion let’s not put down each other. Affirm one another in the body of Christ. Everyone makes mistakes, so learn from them and don’t do it again.

Link to TA BU LAS!!! :D

guys and gals.. i'm using tabulas for a change.. so visit... www.tabulas.com/~jamest :D
cheerio~ i still don't know why the tag in my tabulas isn't working though hehe

Dear God...

been really burned out to the max for the past weeks finals, work etc etc.. man.. everything seems to be taking on it's toll.
i really don't know what to do. to work to quit? what? sigh.. wish i had the answers. can't seem to think straight. am i overloading myself? if i am why? and how? there's so many things that i need but can't seem to get them. set my eyes to zion.. sometimes wish that God would just take me home and end all these worries. but well my work might not be done yet so i can't be going i guess. still things in wannna evade are inevitable.

so many questions that need an answer. still i can't find what i need. Do i know toomuch to know more.. is there pride in me? i don't know.. i'm i annoying? what am i? are those who call themselves christians really living as they should? am i? i try my best.. i've learned a lot of things since going to skool. but it's hard to change when they've got their view of you set. i'm trying my best not to look back from the plough.. it's hard.. harder then it seems...

"Father forgive them..."

'Father forgive them for they know not what they do' this was Jesus' words when he was on the cross...
Can we say the same when people do bad things to us? We could but it's very hard for us to do thats why we need God's help to do it. It's almost impossible for us to forgive someone who has hurt us bad. If it were a small thing yes we may forgive our friends, but when it's like a sword peircing through your heart.. The pain is almost unbearable. You feel betrayed and hurt sometimes you feel used espescially when it's someone whom you trust a lot like your best friend or closest friend. They may or may not consciously do it. Sometimes they don't even know that what they did hurt you. Many times we think to ourselves that. I'll never forgive him or her for what he or she did' but what Jesus went through was way worse and far beyond what we can experience. Immagine, what would it feel like if you created something, spending all you time and putting all your effort into making it something beautiful. You sacrifice your time for other things to pay attention to it to make it happen. But when it's done it goes away on it's own not even gratefull that you've created it and presume that it came from someplace else. And one day it comes back to destroy you. You've spentyour whole life creating it your hard work and sweat into it and that's what you get in return?.
But He chose to forgive us for what we did, putting him on that cross. He took the chance just so that you may realize one day that how much He loves you enough to die even die for you.