Rain...

And so it rained? Is it a blessing or a curse?

So as i was preparing to go home yesterday it started to drizzle.. but i didn't bother to put on my jacket since i thought it would be only for a moment. But then as i reached the main road.. it started to pour.. so i stopped to put on my rain coat as quickly as i can.

I was going to complain about the rain coz it was hard for me to get back home in time due to a few reasons. But i thought I'd just let it go. Then when i reached Padang Polo there was a police block then i started to thank God for the rain coz otherwise i might have to stop and there waste even more fuel.. The problem was i didn't have my seat key with me so i couldn't fill up on gas which posted a big threat for me to reach home.. although i was prepared to end up stalling in the middle of the bridge or somewhere but i prayed for a miracle... at least can reach prai. So i rode slowly to the optimum speed not burning too much or going too slow which would also use more fuel.
Fortunately i made it to prai and what more, i even managed to get to a gas station to fill up my tank.
---
But the rain was more than just the miracle.. it was the tears that couldn't fall from my eyes that were dead to tears. It just had to wash my eyes after my tears stopped flowing a long time ago. Though the miracle was more important than the trivial matters of tears. ;)

Just Another Test

The Idealist (melancholic) Temperament
The Hyperesthetic Idealized Image

"Idealists pride themselves on being loving, kindhearted, and authentic" (AdvisorTeam.com).
Motivations

The Idealist type prefers superiority and disprefers inferiority. The Idealist prefers:
• Superiority.
• Perfection.
• Meaning.
• Purpose.
• Acceptance.
• Approval.
• Altruism.
• Aesthetics.
• Accomplishment.
• Accuracy.
• Completion.
• Culmination.
• Faultlessness.
• Improvement.
• Intimacy.
• Self-actualization.
• Social justice.


David Keirsey reconfigured the typology created by Isabel Briggs Myers to a scheme of four groups of four types that corresponds to the classic four temperaments. In Please Understand Me (1984), he defined one group as the Idealist temperament:

Idealists want to search for Self, to become themselves, to have a goal, a purpose in life, to be self-actualized, to be and become real, to be what they are meant to be and to have an identity which is uniquely theirs, to become self-actualized into a perfect whole and to have an identity which is perfectly unique, to have meaning, to have their significance appreciated, or at the very least, recognized as existing, to have integrity, that is unity, with no facade, no mask, no pretense, no sham, no playing of roles, to be genuine, to communicate authentically, to be in harmony with the inner experiences of self, to avoid a life of bad faith, to live a life of significance, making a difference in the world, to experience life as a drama, to be sensitive to the subtle gestures and metaphoric behavior in relationships, to help others become kinder, warmer, and more loving human beings, to reform the world, to romanticize their experiences, their lives, and the experiences and lives of others (Keirsey, 1984, pp. 57-66; cf., Heineman (NF)).


The pathological representation of the Idealist temperament type is the Hyperesthetic Personality.

Areas of interest
• Acting
• Arts & Humanities
• Education
• Horror
• Idealism
• Issues and Causes
• Journalism
• Languages
• Linguistics
• Literature
• Mental_Health
• Music
• Mystery
• Mysticism
• Mythology and Folklore
• New Age
• Personal Growth
• Philanthropy
• Religion and Spirituality
• Social Science
• Teaching
• Theater
• Theology
• Writing

Pics from PBIM 09

So after the long wait and checking PBIM site for pictures i almost gave up when i finally gave it another chance only to see it out hahaha. so here it is..

It's all in order..
the first glimpse of me at the finish line :D

Sukpen IV 09

Well I guess i'll update about Sukpen IV since it's sort of a milestone for me.

I looked forward to sukpen, for a new chapter in the story of firebrands floorball club to unveil, holding high hopes for the team i was to be playing with, all aiming for the gold medal.. we were prepared after years of training and hard work finally we're able to reach what people said was unreachable. It was time to show them we can do it!

lolz.. thats just a ficitonal writeup lolz. here's the real one..
When the name sukpen was first mentioned i was like "huh? got such thing one ar?" lolz.. being so long away from the state's sports scene i was oblivious to the current happenings in the arena of sports. Anyways it was exciting to hear that floorball has been introduced to Sukpen and we believe soon in time will also be introduced into SUKMA :) Then it will really mean something to be in State Team. As for now the goal that i have carved on my heart is to help build the firebrands club and support it till we reach the next level.

Alright, alright... i'm drifting from the point here... lolz.. first when i got the team draft that we were gonna send i thought it would be quite a surprise if we could reach the finals however i still kept that hope in my head. Taking the game to the next level requires more than just physical strength but also the ability to keep a strong mental stability and to think ahead of the situation. The importance of teamwork can't be stressed more than working as a unit. Those who are able to work as one will achieve one result, one goal.

I was hoping that the team would be able to work together since we play on different lines usually so it would be a new gel-ling for the team. It was a good time for learning I'd say when i look back at how we've played and how far we've come as a team. Our first game was against Innebandy Co! who were known as one of the pioneering teams in Penang and also one of the best clubs. We didn't know what to expect facing the giants. It was a hit and run experience for me although for some of the other guys they knew what to expect. So i had to do my part in keeping the defensive area safe. After playing a while kinda got used to their attacking style so it was time to get to work although eventually running around got the best of me and i was unable to step up to block one shot that ended up in the net. I did try to equalize but was unfortunate when it was disallowed becoz i didn't wait for the ref to blow the whistle..... gabra -.- so the score ended with a 0-2

Next game, up against our brothers in battle... the Frontliners! with the Spartaic coach also playing it kinda felt a little like training except IT'S SO NOT!!! It was more like may the best man win.. it was heck of a tight game until we got a little distracted and the other side took the best of opportunity and landed one behind the goalie. Zeph managed to put one in for us as well but at the end due to my mistake i was given a two minute penalty which cost my team another goal.. end result 1-2

Third Game was against Saints.. The team that beat Frontliners.. They put up a tough battle as well with their strategy marked down to 3 front man we managed to block out most of their attacking power and ended it with a draw. 1-1

And our final game was against Contact, a team well known for their discipline in formation and also lethal up front. putting up a fight against this team was far from what we hoped for but nevertheless we had to put in our best. With 3 key players up front fast and accurate we had to put up a strong backline in the end we managed to keep the punch down to 3. final score 0-3

The team did well this time, if it was 3 months ago i believe the scoreline could've been a minimal of 3 instead of the max. I hope we gathered enough experience to build on our strengths and eliminate more of our weaknesses to face the stronger teams next year in div 2

Extensive post on the Run

Ok seriously i lost the mood or inspiration to post on the run right after coz you know once it's gone it's gone right.. however today i got the inspiration back to write up extensively on what happened on the day of the run.

Josh Yeoh was speaking today in North Zone however surprisingly or whether it's coincidentally the same topic that i've spoke on in youth, which was from Matthew 25 - "The parable of the ten virgins". But well that wasn't what caught my attention. What reminded me was when he mentioned about how it's not about how you start the race but how well you finish it. "Not starting strong and then fizzle out later" the words of Josh Yeoh.

So back to the point of the race. I reached Queensbay at about 2:30, an hour before the race started since it was the required time for us to check in for the race and you know prepare myself mentally and warmup and all that stuff. Being to a marathon for the first time was a little exciting and yet at the same time i felt nervous. Knowing that there were friends running at the same time was also encouraging so i kept on a look out for some one that i knew and met Nicholes, Aaron and Ash at the bag counter where after that lost him when he went to keep his bags in Aaron's car. So i slowly walked around and do whatever i had to do for warmup, stretching and preparing myself mentally while still trying to lookout for someone i know but.... to no avail.

Then i decided, "oh well, just find a spot and run lah" which i did. I lined up somewhere not too far from the starting line in between the older folks which were much more experienced i think haha some of them carried the water pack on their backs, others even with the mini med kit whereas i only had my watch and my heart.. XD so the time came closer to the start and everyone was cheering and getting excited about the race. For me it was just exhilirating to be in my first ever marathon and not just any marathon but the Penang Bridge International Marathon. A place i'm so ever familiar with and that i use everyday. I've been checking out the running route a few days before the race to see how far down the bridge i will be running and boy was it a distance. I would be running at least 3/4 of the bridge almost to the other side.

the time came for the kick off for the half marathon to start and as soon as the pop sound was heard everyone cheered as they headed to step over the starting mat to get their times checked in. I started with the early crowd and ran strong for the queensbay stretch pushing as far up as i can before keeping a steadier pace. Then before reaching the bridge i heard someone called my name i though it was Nic but then it turned out to be Deswyn who then overtook me but i did trail behind him, then Sam also appeared and both of them ran together and started to pull away from me but still i kept my pace lah or tried. Was my first time to be running ever so long. I estimated to finish in around 2h 25mins at most which was why i kept on a pace that i felt could take me far steadily. Finially steeping foot on the bridge was fun, and with the sponge stations, water stations etc etc it felt awesome and i realized i was in a marathon. All these while i've been seeing people run on TV grabbing the sponges and water and thinking, "wah, so cool free water somemore" and now i'm able to do it myself.

The wind was nice on the bridge and the temprature wasn't hot or too cold but just nice don't know whether it was just my feeling or was it because there were so many people who were also running blocking the frontal wind in my face. So i kept on running and running. As i drew near the the centre i felt my heart rate getting to high and my breath getting a little lesser and my legs were growing a little tired. then there was this banana station on the bridge, being first time to experience all these i just grabbed whatever i could lol... it was like having a feast on the run lol get it? nvm.. so makan minum everything on the bridge, can even litter suka hati hahaha. Thanks to the MPPP for being so kind to pick up after us. So i ran and ran to reach the turn about as fast as i can and *Bleep* my time at the turn around was 52mins(as previous post) then i grabbed a cold 100plus and sponges. refreshed myself so i can keep running at good pace. But as i came close to the mid bridge again suddenly my muscles started feeling tight. i think it was the 100 plus that was too cold that i took at the turn. that was one of the possibilites that popped into my mind. But i kept pushing and the lines "I'll run till i finish the race" from the song Lord of Lords was playing in my head. Then i thought "oh,no don't think that's gonna happen since my muscles were getting tighter and eventually i could run no more and had to walk.. and the song became, "I'll walk till i finish the race..." but i tried to get myself cooled and rested so i can run again.

I started running again after the midpoint of the bridge again after walking abit then the muscles started pulling again before i got off the bridge so i paced myself to walking and then running after a while and walk again. but when i got off the bridge it was so painful that i seriously couldn't run anymore and i had to walk. But i didn't wanna lose my pace too much so i tried walking as fast as i can until i heard the beeps of runners checking in their times into the machine. That's when i thought just run a little more to pass that thingy then slowly walk again but i guess my muscles didn't quite agree with that decision so i cramped up bad right at the motor bridge. And the disappointing part was it took the Red Crescent at least a minute to come over and ask me if i was ok... i mean duh.. i'm cramping here. Give me something fast. They had no spray, no cream, no gel, nothing... only plain ol' iced sponges and an ice pack. But for me it was whatever works at that time so sat there on the floor for a short rest where Chris passed me haha. Then when my legs were a little better i took for the marker when i saw Nic again.

So we decided to take it slow for now then nearer to the end then we'll run on. so reaching the roundabout side, Nicholes wanted to run on and i tried but as soon as i started my legs rebeled again. So i told Nic to go on ahead while i pressed on walking while stretching in between when i felt the muscles tightening up again. So i walked and walked till i reached queensbay where i gathered all my might and sprinted to the finish hoping i didn't cramp up along the way and thank God i didn't. but managed to finish the race. Thank God.

Lessons Learnt
I think what i've learned from this was i had to plan next time if i'm going to run again, which i think i will. But more importantly was the spiritualy aspect of lessons that i learned. Yes it wasn't about how good i start, over taking people and running up ahead, starting strong but at the end giving up and falling out. It's about finishing strong in what you start. And as i reflected on this i realized that i walk with God can also be in the same boat. Which i pray for it to not happen. I want to run the race and to run it well, not falling short because of being worn out for replying too much on my own strength instead of relying on God. I realized also that I haven't been spending time with God a lot lately which i need to get back to.

I asked myself the question, Why do i push myself into working overtime for the extra income in my pocket instead of serving Him and believe for Him to provide for my needs? Sometimes there's things that just not necessary. It's very much about how much you are willing to give God today and not say "Oh since i'm gonna give him my all tomorrow, i'll live for me first today" everyday should be for Him, because He's the one who gave us life in the first place.

Thredding the tarmac

1025 D19867 JAMES TAN CHU KWANG 02:39:31 02:38:47 00:52:29 01:52:14

So there, that's my results for the run in order of placing, bib number, name, country, official time, net time, time for turning at the bridge, and e- gate turning.

Was a good experience for me being in a marathon for the first time although it's a half marathon it's good enough for me hahaha. Tiring endeavor although exciting and exhilarating while going through it. It's very much an endurance race compared to the shorter races and also proper preparation is needed to finish the race. more updates coming up later.. still tired from the lack of sleep :P

My take on tithing..

Now that I've started working somewhat consistently I'm getting paid... lolz obviously right? So it feels good to get cash stashed in your pocket where you can just get stuff you can't when you didn't have the financial freedom. But then with the capability to spend also comes the responsibility to save. And that's something I've so far failed to do... well not because i didn't plan. I did plan but things happen see... like computer breaking down, motorbike breaking down... getting ripped off by repair guy by the road.. -.- and so on.. So yeah failed i did in trying to save... sigh...

But well like any good Christian would... I would give my tenth to God. Now then the question that comes in is.. how much should i give then if i get more because of the crazy OT pays i get. So i thought to myself.. well i should definitely give 10% of my agreed upon income paid to me, and the rest is bonus right?? haha well....... NO. But i struggled with that for a bit. I kept thinking c'mon.. That was my Over Sweat poured into my Over Time so it should be my bonus.. after all i've given my tenth so this IS the bonus i'm getting. But then i think God gently poked my brain and said.. "well, where did you get the strength or the life to go through that OT?" then i was dumbfounded.. literally. So... i was like
"Ok, God thank You for reminding me that you are the giver of life and all things, so giving back to You is just my show of appreciation to something that can never be repaid in full."
Seriously what God has given us and enabled us to do is far more worth than what we can keep for ourselves. We should not feel obliged or burdened to give to God, but rather with such a thankful heart because knowing that we are alive alone is God given and to be able to work is a blessing from God. imagine if you were immobilized and not being able to work, nothing you can do, life would definitely mean nothing. So give to God because of all He has given you. LIFE!

So It Was

The last couple of weeks was a weird period for me, with so many things going on and things i have to do plus the craziness of working while trying to juggle so many other things in church and all just gave me a mental blow i guess. I turned to the emo mode all of a sudden without a guide to pull me out of it, everything that happened just wasn't right. Started with office stuff first getting a little off hand, then to floorball, then to youth commitments, prep for camp etc etc the list will just go on and on.

I think i was so down that even in my facebook i wrote i was at the bottom of the bottomless pit, which doesn't make sense.. haha see what being emo does to your brains? It takes time to climb out of a well once you've fallen into it. It's slippery, it's dark and wet, and sometimes you'd feel like just giving up from climbing out. But that's until someone comes along and throws a rope down to you. Now i'm still on my way up grabbing on to the rope that was given me to hold. Thank God for being there when i needed Him.

I don't know what is it in me that makes me strive to be good at what i do, or trying to be good at whatever i do. there's just this feeling of i must be the best. I don't know whether it's a good thing or a bad thing, and with that i tend to push myself to the limits, until i break i might not stop. Then I'm reminded of how life is fragile, and then i thought to myself, then i should just live it to the fullest right? I remind myself of how i want to live a legacy and also leave a legacy. The legacy to live a life of love and that's giving, caring for people just like the person who left me with it did. Bringing life and hope to people around me, building lives instead of breaking them. But as i reflect on what i've done so far it seems like none of that has been accomplished. I just feel like i've not done anything that's worth a living. I don't seem to treat people with love like some people do. I end up yelling at people and telling them what to do instead of guiding them through.

There's times when i feel at the bottom but not show it. Although as much as i want to be transparent with life but sometimes people expect us to different. It's not easy being a minister's son and a leader. But then it's here i'm reminded that who I rely on will determine the outcome of what i do. Who i find strength in will be the answer to the journey's hardship. Am i living a life of surrender or am i walking in my own sight. So many things just flood my thoughts, but at the end of the day as I walk out a life of service to Abba Father he will surely take me through.

Save Me

I...m falling over
Over the edge
Out of the page
(and)
I....m starting over
wish I could be out there
Out and safe from here....

And I don't know why i'm here
What's the use of me
Wasting my time
waiting's a crime

If i Fall down today
Will you catch me
catch me
IF slip away
will you reach for me (reach for me)
Save me?

Up against the world
Fighting for the things
I believed in
For so long
it's just gone
everything's wrong
nothing's just the same
can't give up the fame
hope is not a lie
i can't deny..

YOu... used to be here
giving me strength
taking my hand
(but) now.. you've deserted
left me stranded
wasted....

words by jamest 2009 - Oct - 29

Utter disappointment

All that I've done the last week was wasted as i couldn't run this week. I think i over used my legs until the point where resting 2 days is not even enough for it to recover. After stretching and warming up, came the regular rounds in time attack. So i felt a bit of pain already while doing my warmup laps, but i still went on running. Went on my pace steadily although today i started a little behind compared to my past few weeks of starting ahead of the crowd. did 3 mins plus for the first two rounds but when i came near the third round, that was when i felt the sharp pain deep in my shin again. I knew it was the last round so i kept pushing until the pain was hard to bear, it felt like I'd rather break those legs than feel this way(although in reality breaking them would be more painful). So i sat the rest of the day watching the rest of the team do the drills as i reflect on being stupid for pushing myself too far. But that is not the utter disappointment. The so many questions that flood my mind seem to be pointing me to an end.

am i strong or do i just think i am?
am i arrogant or am i meek?
am i proud or am i humble?
am i wise or am i foolish?
do people like to be around me or do people want to stay away from me?
am i intimidating or am i inviting?
am i threatening?
am i pushing things too far or am i not taking it far enough?
do i know a lot or do i think i know a lot?
do i know too much?

the list goes on and on it's like an identity crisis or rather it actually is. What does it feel to be deprived? What is it like to be lonely? Loneliness is not being alone in your own room, loneliness is being surrounded by a sea of people and you still can't find yourself, and you still don't feel loved. Sometimes i ask myself, how much significance do i have? Will i be remembered for the good reasons or the bad reasons? will i be remembered at all? If i die, what will be written for my remembrance? Undoubtedly sometimes i feel like i wouldn't live a very long time on this earth, but the journey itself seem to take forever. When will my work be complete? will i even be ready? or is my mission far from my reach? I have no answers. I wish i did.

Run baby Run

With the song playing in my head, "run baby run.. don't ever look back.."
I decided to go for a last round of running this week since i won't be able to run on friday.
regular 3 round again i clocked 10:53 which is the same as yesterday awesome... i hope this shows consistency XD although i did feel very tired after that. 3 days running straight is a crazy thing to do so suddenly but there has to be a start right? :)

I planned to run 20 minutes today but ended up going the extra mile to finish the km run also which i failed miserably. As i ran the first half everything was ok although i could feel the muscle on my left calve tightening up when i started but i decided to push on until i reach the end and made a U-turn to head back the second half as i did, i felt the muscle pull growing tighter but in my mind i was telling myself "keep going, just a little more to go" then ran for about 200m in the second half it just gave in, my body automatically switched to walking as the pain was too much to hold up the constant pounding, but i quickly took it to the pace with breeze walking hoping to reach the other side by 30 mins.

Almost looked like a walkathon guy haha. push push push and finally nearing my finish point i decided to try and run again to the goal but after about 5 steps body sutomatically switched to walking again.. -.- so walk lah... reached my end point at 29:54 so i finished it off with a set of push-ups. came back whole body was sore.. whoah.. but it was fun.. next week state training i hope the results pay off to be able to finish 3 rounds in 10 mins or less hopefully.

Looking up and forward...

Like the title of my blog I'm always looking up even though things may seem down I'll try to find the light.. the way out, the higher ground, the better choice, the path less taken...

Two days ago i went on a jog... my brother said i was crazy since the next day was state training. He said "you ar.. shouldn't do like that, will kill yourself must rest one day one..", but boy did i not listen.. terus run... so run run run... first goal is to run 3 rounds in less then 13 minutes.. so, push push push... the round around Bukit Dumbar that the state team usually does is about 700m this one is 800m per round but the difference is Bukit Dumbar has more gradient means.. more up hill down hill variant whereas this taman is more gradual with only a slight incline. Anyways.. so i ran and pushed myself to keep a constant pace which i was successful in doing for the three compulsory rounds and managed to top my time at 10:48 then another 3/4 of a round before doing 20 push-ups and then continue running for another kilo slower this time just to keep going for 25 minutes . Then ran to watch my brother play futsal after calling me siao hahah. Then got a drink and ran back to my house which took about 12 minutes for about 2.5km.

The you know.. state training the next day (read previous post)

So to the present day.. since i was able to get off work early today as there was no OT needed i thought hmm.. should go run since coach Ed said should run everyday so i try loh... And this time my brother didn't say anything haha, but brought his cat along -.- i don't know why but he was supposed to run but he didn't lolz. I told him I'm gonna run 30 mins not stop and off i went.. to tryout my endurance and hopefully see how i might fare for the PBIM. Again the 3 compulsory run for the fastest time consistantly.. and i did it a little slower this time in 10:53 a little disappointed lah but oh well it was a difference of 00:05 will decide whether i can make it or not in the real thing, gotta try harder next time.

Next was the extra 3/4 of the round again but this time i didn't stop for push-ups instead i went ahead to the km run for about 2 rounds so 2km in total i think.. will go measure the distance soon but for now it seems like one km per round. I pushed myself to keep running until 30 minutes was up which i managed. PHEW!! what a relief that i can actually run non stop. Then the run back after completing the two rounds ran back to the lap circle for another 800m then finished it off with 20 push-ups and boy was i relieved.. finished the whole thing in 41:23.

What I've learned
Well i found out that our minds have a mental block for 20 minutes or plus.. for the first 20 minutes or so our minds keep telling us you can't go anymore.. it's too hard.. but as i kept on going not concentrating on how far i've ran but just to keep running and keep my legs moving after that 25-30 minutes it feels like i could go on forever now.. it was like.. "just keep moving, just keep moving, step by step, keep going" so my legs kept moving and moving.. until i saw my brother walking his cat and the sun had already set so time to go home for a nice warm bath and now going for my dinner so cheerio, hope you've learned somethings from my experience too yea.

A Disciplined Man

A wise man once said this "A disciplined man beats his body" not beat up himself, but beat his body meaning making it strong, toughening it up. Of course these were taken from what Paul said "I beat myself.." can't remember where it's found but yeah.

So i took also the advice of another man to beating myself and went jogging for 25 + 12 minutes to push myself. Then the next day was state training and again i pushed myself doing killers round after round not knowing when my legs will give. But in the end I did it and did not give in.

The next big challenge i'm about to face is the Penang Bridge Run which will be on the 22nd November which is only about a month away, which mean i only have about a month to run. It's gonna be my first time running 21k and on the bridge, I really don't know how it will end up but, there's a first time for everything so that's my next big challenge.

Whoah.. I feel so fit kekek

Ok so finally after waiting for two long weeks for the results to come out I've finally got it XD and the result for the APAC nomination is... *drum rolls* i did... not get it hahah. OK so you might ask why am i so happy if i didn't get it ... mind boggling? not really. Well the reason I nominated this time was because it was in Singapore which is pretty close by, don't have to spend too much although i know that my level of play isn't quite there yet but oh well like they always say no hard trying right? Right!! haha discounting the anxious nights thinking "crap.. if i get them gai liao" why again? simple. Youth camp coming up and i'm neck deep in the preparations, Work which i just started and it wouldn't be nice if i take leave so many times when i just started XD, saturday night youth which is currently "boh kau lang" since SPMers are going through the grind time so it's all kinda under powered and imagine if i got the nomination then there will be a few weeks where i cannot be with the fireBRANDS which is right now my main focus at least for this year. Anyways.. thats the explanation for the reason why i'm so happy even though i didn't get the nomination. besides.. when i filled in the form i sorta laughed when i saw years played and all i could write was 9 months compared with all those i can imagine writing 4 years or 5 years or more... so yeah it was a good bid though XD

So back to the top.. i feel so fit..? no wait I am fit hahah or is it just today? Dunno oh well today was a little draggy in the office my head was burning dunno why.. my stomach was really hungry although i had milo in the morning and some cookies, and i was peeling stickers off at least 50 facial boards.. which is giving my finger a painful pinch now. Today's the second week of the month so it's time for physical training in BUkit Dumber!! no wait it dumbar!! lol (that was seriously a typo) and yeah i came as early as i could about 6:10 i think when i arrived suited up, do some stretching and then warm up rounds. My stomach was already feeling empty then.. and i was thinking die la this time sure flat out one.. wonder how many rounds i can make it. So Coach Ed came and gave us the 3 rounds in15 minutes and for those going for APAC less than 13 minutes.. so i ran and ran and ran... and ran.. and kept on running hoping and praying my stomach doesn't cramp in and i don't die half way. So run, and run , and run until i finished the 3 rounds.. at 10mins 56sec the last time we did 4 rounds my time was 16:15 which is an improvement of 51.75 secs per round on average.

Next was the killing drills.. everyone had to run up the slope (sprint) and get back down and ready to go in 45 seconds we did this for like 5 times.. then relax everyone sit down.. take it easy.. so people started sitting and resting.. then coach Ed gave us the next killer... -.- now do "the hike" (i think that's what it's called) where you put your hands on the ground and move your legs like you're running, do that for about 20 times then dash up the slope again and then back down and all this in 1 minute. -.- killer? you try it then tell me. So boom, i ran and before every round i was thinking can i make it this time.. my stomach seriously damn "eeau" d... but surprisingly i managed to pull it off.. whoo.. thank God.. and that was it.. but i didn't really feel that tired lo.. so i thought.. very long never do 40 yd dash d.. so i pecuted for a bit just to try can or not. lol... and surprisingly can wor.. hahah.. then i went for another round with short sprints in between then another after that.. i feel so refreshed after that then the makan and then.. my warm bath... etc etc.. you know how it feels lolz.. well that's it for today... i'll update on the RUNNAT next time yeah so hang in there

This Sunday =)

So today was a great Sunday, and that I'd say because God made it that way =)

Started off with Sunday service at church where I was playing drums and Josh was leading in the singspration. I was a little disappointed that i did not receive the songs earlier in the week and that the music was a little messy as the bassist was playing his rifts... like a guitar instead of playing bass parts (he's a guitarist who always overplays as well). But oh well Pastor Victor was speaking on Money & Wealth and i assisted him in the powerpoint presentation. And i think it hit certain people i guess lolz parents need to hear that.

After church was a time of keeping up with old friends like JOnathan, Ee Kai, Alex, Sam and Chai Chee at McD which i got the coca cola cup lolz.. DOn't know why i'm obsessed with coca cola -.- I've actually got different bottles and cans of coca cola from a few places not too many yet XD although i'm trying to get more hahah. Then we went to catch a movie titled, FAR CRY based on the game which was actually a far cry -.- no idea why the name or the story of the movie since i didn't play the game so i don't really know except for the part where the main character always wears a Hawaiian shirt. ON the ratings i'd put 6/10 and instead of action movie i'd say it's more of a comedy? seriously the actions were pretty funny and we did crack a few times if not too many in the cinema. Short movie and if you didn't think it was funny then you just wasted your money lol.

OK so after that went to drool over the kawasaki Ninja 250R again then to my brother's place to pick up his stuff before going home to crashHhZzx..zz.. and then up again for dinner.
Since tomorrow is my dad's birthday Josh and i decided to do something for dad so i suggested Chillis for a BIG meal lolz.. but then my mom wasn't feeling so well so they didn't want to go that far so we settled for Juru Auto City :D. we went to Seoul Garden where we ate all we could till we couldn't eat anymore.... -.- we actually sat there from 7:30 to about 9:40 which was a while. we've not sat so long in an eating place for a long time or have never? oh well can't really remember. It was me and my brother's treat for my dad this time to appreciate him for all the things he's done for us :) Happy Birthday Dad!! whooo!. after dinner a walk in the flea market where kids were running around trying to follow the laser lights that were all over the floor and saw two movies there i mean two movies... haha one ending and the other beginning lolz. Yeah.. so i guess that was what happened today. Thank God for everything.

the new dilema

The dilema i'm facing right now is as to whether i should nominate for the APAC floorball championship that will be on next year. Since a few key dates or training will clash with that of the firebrands. And the second question i ask myself is am i good enough?

Yet the reason i started this game is for the ministry at large and through the wise words of a friend who said "in order to be effective in something you gotta be at a certain level to have that experience" which i find to be true. And the second truth is that i am no longer 17 or 18 years of age which means to say my time in prime isn't too much left to spare. So for this time should i or should i not throwmy name in and hope to get the selection?

The management advice states to wait a couple years in order to have that experience enough before throwing myself into this.

Which way is best? what should i do?

The Hill

Of people, lizard, a fine place, a fine table and ice cream

So yet again another trip up the "mount of Penang" was birthed when a group of eager nature loving hill climbing enthusiasts decided for another trip before they all had to work their brains for the coming final test they all have to go through in order to graduate into life. All except for one who was way past all that. OK that just made me sound so old.. -.-

so here's the group minus the photographer :D up the
"mount of Penang"

And here's the lizard we encountered along the way up who stayed on the road and did not move an inch the whole time we were around it. Just like a pro model lolz.. i came to the conclusion that it escaped from an under-paying modeling agency.

Then here's the fine place we stumbled upon the first time we came but did not step into. This time we set foot on the highland house which had a great view of the lovely city and served great desert like the *** *****(to be disclosed later).

The table in which we sat at under a nice shady tree which kept us cool the whole time we were there.
And the ICE CREAM we all came for, Daniel and I had the Chocolate which tasted awesome, Ivy had the strawberry, Gerald had the vanilla then he asked why no topping.. and Gary saved his money :DAnd here's our final picture as a group up there before we headed down into town and the rest of the day you don't wanna know... -.- totally not fun for me. So I'll just keep it all behind and move forward while savoring the fun moments in the day :D

That's all folks :) *looney tunes tune in the background*

What Cause

then again here's another awesome song and well done by daughtry

Ninja 250R

Now I've been looking and looking and looking for a long time now for a new bike hahah.. and guess what i've been setting my eyes on lol. That's right, the Kawasaki 250R ninja. This is a totally awesome bike that's to my license permit haha. Everytime i watch the review it makes me want it more heheh check them out at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3jlzKWAnQzI

post Rising Star

The highly anticipated match for the season arrived and went in a whiff.
And here's the spread of the day events.

First-off i was assigned to team Bak Chang with awesome team mates and although i yell a lot during practice for me it's so they know what they do wrong and can learn on the spot. It's not because i'm angry or whatever at them. At times yes i'm a little frustrated but i do it for the yelling is to point out the mistakes and yes i do make mistakes also and i know it when i do obvious ones sometimes uncalled for but everyone needs to learn right?

So back to the main topic of the competition, I hardly yelled i think i only enLARGED my volume a couple times XD. I'd say our team did a pretty decent job despite the inexperience and lack of court sense. Team captain Wayne did a good job of holding the team together and providing the two bottles of 100 plus which helped quench the thirst and replenish the lost of sugar and salt.

Our first game was against the SXI boys who really showed us that young guns can have a go (or maybe coz i'm old -.-'') for the goal. We did underestimate our opponents although we ourselves were pretty on the weak side and sending only 1 and a half lines we had no chance of changing lines and also the level difference of the first line and second was a little unbalanced so we didn't have enough fire power up front. Also since it was our first game on court i think we were all a little disorganized and was just everywhere on court which really took a toll on our strength and stamina which cost us a 3 goal lost. Although i we took a few shots at goal their defense dis a good job at blocking our war and one shot that i could've sent in went straight into the goalie's chest in vain.. Defensive error also played a major part in the conceding of goals. The last goal that came was totally a blow for me since it actually hit my thigh and deflected into the top corner of the goal. Anyways our goalie was new to the arena too so we all still love him with his numerous saves =D kudos Nic.

So after that we got together for a post mortem of the first game to see where we can improve and every player respectively gave an input into the betterment of the team. So after the short(long) discussion we went for a team boost cheer BAKCHANG!!! and went into to catch the ongoing game.

Finally our turn was up and this time against Contact who had Coach Ed as their goalie -.- totally didn't expect that till right before the match when Ben Ong came and told me.. so a bit surprised la haha eh Penang head coach kay who not intimidated? lolz.. but anyways.. got the team together to get our mental straight don't care who the opponent is we do our best coz if they're not gonna hold back so why bother holding back? XD
And out we went against team Contact, which proved a tough run. game was fast paced and high energy it was up down up down for both teams. And being on defense the field of run was just a little more than the forwards or so it seemed. With a weaker forward line i tried to make shots from the middle court and also having the duty of guarding the offense player on the other team Ben Ong which is pretty lethal in the goal face there was a lot of running to do but the light came in not long into the game when i managed to make a shot a goal from a semi-drag shot which nailed the fist goal for the team and also the last. I had hopes that at least we could hold the fort but then on the attempt to make a second chance at goal i fell in front of the opponent goal which put me out of the game for quite a bit as i fell on my nerve and got my whole butt numb.. then when i finally got in our score was equalized and towards the end another shot was sent in by Charmaine also due to a blur defense so yeah..

So we went out after the game to have a brief debriefing time. and although we lost we did our best for this time round so we still stood up like winners with cheers for the FireBrands, our mental, bak chang and DIV 1!!!!

p.s. mind you i didn't have enough sleep two days straight before the game so very low...

My new SHOEEEE!!!

You know the song "these boot were made for walking"

Well... i got the other version of "These Shoes Were Made For Running!!"
i got these yesterday :) thanks to the help of my brother.. i got to use them today although i flat-out(ed) just 100m before the finish line T.T

Training Trane-ing

Coach Ed said... Today first day la.. so we'll take it easy then he added "relatively"... lol
Relatively is a bad word in my vocabulary hahaha. Physical training outdoors for the first time so didn't really know what to expect except that it would be physically challenging? i guess.

And so after work.. which was near by, went straight to Bukit Dumbar for the routine. Reached there and everyone started showing up one by one so we waited and waited not too long and finally everyone arrived. I thought it was gonna be some sort of a obstacle-ish type of training with runs here and there on the top part. Then i realized.. No, we weren't going up there and we gathered at the sloppy side and i thought to myself.. wah... run up and down the slope? confirm GG... since so long haven't trained on my own. haven't gone jogging for at least couple of months. But thankfully that didn't happen although in the next coming training we will get there eventually..

But for today.. we were spared the hardship and went for the middleship lol. We did warm a warm up round around the circuit we were to run later. Then came the drill. groups of four jogging speed then fourth person sprint to take lead for about 10-15 steps then next last person sprint and same thing over and over for 5 rnds. So people in my group were Des, Sam, Jason and I. We started off steady setting our pace with some groups in front some behind then we took over the lead for the rest of it i think. We went on and on and on and on and on and then the final round.. was thinking wah Coach Ed didn't join our group, so we must be doing quite alright.. then as we went down the stairs he was in front of us.. and we overtook him.. in my mind i was thinking please don't overtake us... XD.. I was already starting to have minor cramps near my stomach.. then it happened, He took over.. and boy it was my turn to overtake him.. so i did and then Deswyn..... Boy did i die after that.. coach did an extended sprint after that and totally cramped up trying to push myself for the last 200m all thanks to the stupid bun i had like 5 mins before running. Don't know what i was thinking... haih... never let that happen again hahah..
However at the end of it, it was all worth it and fun :) i'll be sure to improve the next time round

Whoah Training ROCKS!!

Well well, it's been a while since state training got going and finally after a whole div 1 league and a few weeks past it's finally reinstated. And boy it was awesome although it's the first one after so long haha. I feel alive again.. it was all good cept for the part i got locked in the changing room while changing... -.- imagine changing clothes.. then suddenly lights off and doors locked lol.. course i was shocked but luckily ppl were still around or i would have to climb out through the window.. hahah

anyways... next week is the killer week which i'm looking forward to lolz.. haven't experienced it before so it'll be fun to find out to what extent i can push myself. I'm also thinking if i should join the 7km run in support of cancer patients which goes around the botanical gardens and youth park.. hmm.. hard to consider... XD it's a sunday morning too haiz...

Vindicate me Oh Lord

Praise to You Almighty God
All creation sing praise
For You have done great things

The earth is the Lord's
And everything in it
Praise Your Holy Name

I will seek You Oh Lord
In times when I'm weak
I will seek You
Even when I am strong

For my strength comes from You
Oh Lord my God

Alone I am unable
Only through You I am able
For You are faithful
Even when I fail You
Because You made me
And You know me

Even now when I am afflicted
When I'm shaken and in pain
You will lift me up
When I'm weary and down trodden
You will strengthen me
For those who wait on You
Will renew their strength

I wait on You Oh Lord
I wait on You
I will continually Praise You
forever I will Praise You

Vindicate me Oh Lord
From the things that surrounds me
Save me Oh Lord
Rescue me from the hand of the enemy
Those who seek to destroy me
Vindicate me
That I may rise once again to give You praise

Bless Your name forever
May Your name be blessed

The Dwelling of My King

In the city on the hill

There Your presense is

For You are Holy

And none can match Your name

For I seek You daily

So I may see Your face

That I may dwell

In Your house forever

The one thing I desire

That I will seek

To dwell in Your house

It's to dwell in Your house

You alone deserve the praises

The praises of Your people

It rises to you

Like sweet incense

Like fragrant oil

Rising up to bless You

I will bless Your name forever

Skipped, Passed, and Next Please

The phrase i've always heard whenever I wanted to do something when i was younger was oh you're too young. The first time I heard that blowing call was when i wanted to go for youth camp the first time. Well i was 12 and young, correct but so were the rest of the 12 year olds who did manage to go. I told my parents I wanted to go for the camp and guess what? You're still young, too young for that. No one can take care of you there bla bla bla... earlier on I wanted to follow my brother cycling when I was in langkawi, guess what you so young cannot go... guess what there were two guys younger than me who went...

When i wanted to work at 15.. oh no.. you're too young when i wanted to drive, oh no too young.. Seriously the number of "too young's" I've heard in my whole life is unimaginable. Don't remember how many times i've heard it. Anyways.. so i guess i have to wait till i'm older eh? So wait i did. Pouring all effort and energy into people working things out. Just waiting to get older. And one fine day I did grow older, but guess what now i'm too old. All my life I've heard prophecies of "you'll be a leader among people" but time and time I've only seen it skipped by me. Circumstances are always " i pick you, and you, and you, and *skip*, and you." These are your new leaders.

Time and time I offered to serve, but no i'm underqualified, you're over qualified for this small thing. It's ok, you should go do something better. I can't count the number of turndowns and excuses given. Well is this what it means to be that stallion, to be that leader, to be called. I don't know. Sometimes, and honestly speaking I've been tested and tried so so many times. It feels like it's too much. Too many times that I don't know when will be the day I leave it all. Is that what it takes? To forsake all? To leave all the "call" if it now exists for what's out there. If that's the measure of tolerating the words that i've been hearing then I might be forced to make the choice of leaving behind lies and deception. I don't know why people keep reminding me about oh.. remember you call and all bla bla bla.. what's there to remember when there's no help coming my way. I've done so many things, to look for an opening only to end up in denied answers. And people complain that I haven't done anything when they don't see the extent of where i've pushed myself sometimes.

Even in places where I can excel, I've been pushed aside just like that. In things i cannot achieve i accept, because there's someone who's better let him do it. But in areas i know i have strength in I've also been placed under the drawer. I am happy for the one chosen but i don't know how to react to those choosing. I sometimes feel like blowing up in myself. All those effort put in to bring up standards of people pushing myself to be better at what i do so i can be of help to those weaker and struggling pushing the tray from the bottom. To end the date with "oh you've all come a long way, now you're leaders." And the guy at the bottom stays at the bottom still pushing those on top higher and higher until they are able to rise themselves.

But I guess the only thing holding me on is that Jesus was the greatest servant when He was the greatest leader, He was God who came and served on the earth He created. Who am i compared to him. What's there for me to complain? With God in perspective, my answer is I have no right to complain. Fatalism says just wait till the worst happens. Hope says wait till the end of days. Hope? or Illusion? Your call. My answer? Hope only in God.

No Boundaries

Okay this is uber late if you consider the topic hahah but here's my two cents on the AI season with Lambert and that Allen dude. With all the rustle going on with who's better and who deserved the win I'll just put a little thought to it.

Personally I do think Adam has a better and unique voice. High pitches, although some sharp notes but blends nonetheless. When he did the song no boundaries I think it was prime rearranging the vocal parts was genius and nailed it perfectly. Studio recording would be easy for a guy with good pitches and range. I say it'll take no time for the producers to sign this guy and come up with loads of albums.

As for Adam, the video was totally cool with the spins and angle casts but, his voice was just not there. It was obvious that he couldn't reach the high notes and was bursting out his veins when he tried. I personally think that what he did was not up to par with the standard and it's totally not his kind of song. Although the studio recording makes him sound nice, i bet the ammount of tweaks needed to enhance the vocals would be immense. Hard word given nonetheless. When he did "Ain't No Sunshine," it was definitely a better piece.

However what's said is just personal thoughts and well sorry if you're a Kris fan and you feel offended. Well it's not the end. All decided the win still went to Kris. I did not follow through the season so i've only heard a couple of his songs which he did well actually and i liked them. Just the final piece wasn't his type of song to finish with. Based on the last performance results I still think Adam should've won but Kris did. So... with the ending song it definitely added meaning to the song as it was then proven that the lyrics described his journey there. It just added more meaning to the song at the end.

(I do not idolize any singers just like some of their work, comments are performance based)

The update post

So I haven't been able to update for a bit since i haven't been home enough lately to use the computer. Now that I'm back I guess then I'm somewhat obliged to at least put up something here.

Post 1
The Riders Live
As you can see the title says it all. After weeks and months of not getting together finally we managed to pull off a day with 5 members on the field one fine Sunday, July 19th. Although we were anticipating a few more, some were out with injury or just away from town that weekend. All said, we managed to do a few basic drills on the field.

Post 2
The Riders Live II
And again The Riders live to see a second consecutive week. This time we had a shattering record of 11 people attending our Sunday scrimmage. Those present were Justin, Julian, Andrew, Daniel, Myself, Samuel Thum, and Justin's three friends Andrew, Fred, CM, and Sern (don't really know how to spell their names, my bad) who seemed really interested in the game and not forgetting Gary who came albeit a minor injury on his knee.

We started off a time of introducing the rules and techniques to the newcomers who were eager to learn and then had a few warm-up tosses to help them familiarize. Then we split into two teams Team 1: Julian, Justin, Sern, Andrew Ng, Fred. Team 2: Me, CM, Sam, AndrewC, Daniel.
yes... it seemed pretty imbalanced with the picks but we had fair picks XD.

Team 2 started the game from our 10 which got us up past midfield however a lost of yards was called due to carelessness. So on our last draw near our endzone I threw a long to AndrewC who caught the ball perfectly only to run precfectly out of bounds too with only a yard left for touchdown and while everyone was staring with disbelief he was celebrating his "touchdown."

So a turnover and ball on Team 1's 10. I'd have to say they made a good run down field but i guess due to inexperience their recievers couldn't catch the ball to make it count.

Team 2 had more experienced ball handlers which brought the team to put points on the scoreboard when it mattered. With long haulers like AndrewC and Daniel. Long passes was the ace card for the quarterback who was also able to run fast to rush the ball a good 12 yards to gain a first down which then led to the first touchdown. 3 points to team 2.

Team 1 finally had a good run and brought the ball close to their endzone. But Team 2 set up a goal line formation which put a good stop to their sneaky play of a QB dive to push them back another 2 yards and forced them to go with a pass play to score a TD. So the score tied to 3-3.
The next few touchdowns was from Team 2 with a criss-cross of the WR and HB down field team1's single CB was caught up in a mess as he didn't know who to follow resulting in a TD for Team2. and another touchdown after that from Team2 again. So with the last row for Team1 They decided to go for a long. QB Julian was in for it this time. Sending his twin towers up field and even his TE to a streak he made a long pass up their lawn into the midfield but came short. Team2's FS who managed to see the shortcoming was a little quicker then team1's TE to intercept the ball and run for a returning TD to end the day with a four to one touchdown resulting in a 12-3 score.

We hope to see more people coming next week so we can all learn this game make friends and connect with others with the same passion.

Drums and Roses

My next target for adding to my drums collection is cymbals. since i've got my double paddle and piccolo snare, the next big thing would be killer cymbals and i know just the right one to get at the right price :D check it out...


uh.. yeah ideally would be this one.. but no..



er.. yeah even better a set of this.. but for now.. no







voila!! this!! heheh stagg cymbals they kinda look like HHX but sounds crisp too so yeah.. my target for now

In The Valley

Ladies and Gents.. I'm only human, and humans are entitled to face failures sometimes. It's been a while since I've felt this lost actually. I've always held my head high and thought through things before actually acting on something. I weigh my choices and look at the options I have and find the best way to reach the goal I've placed in front of me. Even the small things that I was left to choose I'll give it sometimes of thought before acting and all these thinking and planning made my path clear and focused. Right? WRONG!!

As soon as I thought I was on the right track, and that I've done the right thing by choosing to do Theological studies I was thrown with options and others distractions and attractions. I thought it was the one right thing that I can even do with my choice right? I mean people around me look and say "whoa.. you're gonna be like your dad eh? going to be a pastor?" hah WRONG again (this time not on my side) I never saw myself being a pastor now seriously. I've always had a heart for missions and media. So I'm sorry to disappoint all of you out there who think I'm on the track of being a pastor like my dad or someone else. I did not go into theological education to come out with a beaming degree in theology that enables me to sorta walk up to people and say "I am Pastor James!" or whatsoever. None of that was ever taken into account. It was for my own growth and insight so I can be more effective in my future task or at least am able to answer questions thrown at me, it was to help me develope a mind and heart that is Christ centered and not just head knowledge that wasn't even really capable of understanding the true meaning of being a Christian.

As hard as it was for me to make the decision to enter into theological enducation, it is even harder for me now to consider my next step from here. Not to say i don't trust God or anything. I honestly believe in His sovereignty and His faithfullness in providing for those who honor and serve Him. But i also believe that sometimes we have to make a conscious decision as to whether we want to do His bidding or not and that does not necessarily mean we have to go to wherever people see fits the puzzle. Sometimes He uses us in different ways than that of which we could imagine. I'm certainly now in a place where i can no longer see any light or any road or any direction that I should be going in. I feel totally lost, like i am in the valley or darkness. I need a miracle, i need a sign, i need God to show right now i need to know what to do or i'm just gonna sit here and wait until something happens.

It brings tears to my eyes when i think of the things i've done, or the so many times i've screwed up and made bad choices and what's worse than thinking it's the right thing and then to have to turn back and say i blew it after people see a worth in backing you up and to see all that support just seemingly go to waste? I don't know but i can't bear the thought of making people think i'm not a finisher because i can't finish something i was so determined it was the right thing for me to do. I need to just pray until i hear an answer. oh God..

Dancing on the clouds

Say so most of you have heard of my trip to Sarawak haha.. well i'm officially in MIRI!! woohoo :D
The journey wasn't as expected tho.. The flight was set for 3p.m. so i took a bus from Bangsar area where I waited for like (seems like) ever for the bus to Sentral. Thankfully Ju was there waiting with me even though it was as hot as hell... From Sentral I didn't have time to go get what i needed/wanted coz of the lack of time so immediately i went on the AirAsia bus and headed for LCCT. Met up with my parents there then ate at McD and then checked in our luggage. So we moved on into the waiting hall for our plane at about 2:20 so we waited patiently :) till the clock struck 2:40 there was still no sign of our plane... then the dreaded part of the wait came.. the announcement ring haha.. "ladies and gentleman, bla bla bla..." the flight was delayed for an hour and 20 mins... wth???!!! ah... i knew i should've just went shopping earlier on haha wanted to buy a rubix cube actually but didn't sheesh totally should've. So finally 4:20 and our plane came.. but yeah.. guess what we only took off at 5ish.. then there was one guy who complained to the stewardess and all claim for free food yadda yadda haha which was funny just watching and kinda embarassing as well when my parents were also talking to him and all lolz..
(but we do get to claim actually eheh)
anyways.. on to the journey we took off in a cloudy hazy dark sky.. sent off by a kumulunimbus cloud.. too bad i didn't have my dad's camera with me otherwise could've totally took awesome shots. the skyline was just beautiful at 37,000 ft with rolling clouds, thin clouds, then there were parts where the plane was sanwiched by clouds on top and below it's just amazing and showing how God is such an awesome designer and creator.
we landed at about 7:20 and my bro picked us up.. went to an awesome house...

the house from outside

the guest book

the awesome room ( i was supposed to stay here too) but if i did no updates d haha

lovely fruit basket

... and they got a kitchen too

Then we went for dinner after dropping their(parents) stuff at the house. OH and there's a Jalan Bunga Tanjung here haha just like Penang.. although it was too dark to see anything Josh still took us round here and there to see the town lolz..

makan time haha!! seafood!!

more food..

my bro's ride


and... finally that's me with Percy haha (josh's cat)


guess that's it for now.. the cat has been jumping up and down.. running here and there going crazy and all lolz.. that's all for today haha more pics will be up on facebook tomorrow hopefully :D

Blog transfer

For those of you know follow, although it's a small number to none i presume hahah, i've always had two blogs, one tabulas account and this one. both serving different purposes with tabulas being more a daily thingy (although not daily updated) or a what i'm going through update and this blog being a more artistic or poetic, sharing thoughts kind of a blog.

however i've decided to change the method and combine both blogs into this one so the tabulas will be sort of left to die :D with a notice that i've changed to this one. so yeah do check back for more updates :D

Word For Today

Rules For Handling Anger (2)

Let each one of you speak truth... - Ephesians 4:25 NKJV

Rule 2: Keep it non-lethal. Paul writes: 'In your anger do not sin... ' (Ephesians 4:26 NIV). What do Paul's words mean? Don't let your anger escalate to the point of doing damage. Don't use your words as a weapon or a control mechanism. It's okay to express your emotions in a healthy way, but keep them in check. Your goal must be to resolve the problem and strengthen the relationship, not 'sound off' and wound the other person. Is this easy to do? No. You'll need a good strong dose of grace to do it. Words spoken in jest, sarcasm, self-righteousness or 'righteous indignation' wound people, sometimes permanently. '... Perverseness [of the tongue] breaks the spirit.' (Proverbs 15:4 NKJV). '... A crushed spirit who can bear?' (Proverbs 18:14 NIV). 'The tongue can bring death... ' (Proverbs 18:21 NLT). Angry words, once unleashed, can: '... Go down into a man's inmost parts' (Proverbs 26:22 NIV). Your words can live in the heart and memory of a person and go all the way to the grave with them. We say, 'Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me,' but it's not true. A person can die of a crushed spirit, and the one who spoke the words can live to regret the damage they inflicted and never get a chance to undo it. On the other hand, anger properly handled never needs to be repented of. So learn to differentiate between the anger you feel and the words you speak. Anger carefully thought through, can reveal important information about needed changes. Focus on that, and ask God to show you what needs changing in the other person; and you!

All of us - a song by Blindside

As soon as you stepped through my door,
I saw You for the first time all over again.
And time well spent seems
Lonelier than the way it used to go.

As I smell you for the first time all over again
I'll begin to remember to be alive
So if you don't mind
I think I'll wear my heart on my sleeve,
'Cause I'm tired of not being able to breathe.

All of us are searching for an open arm.
Well, it's a shame how I curl up in the dark
When it's the same old word giving me the spark.
All of us are searching for an open arm.
Well, it's a shame how I curl up in the dark

I've felt a loss for some time
I slipped, stumbled, but fell face first
straight into your hand.
Then I hit my head on your palm
And waking up to the smell
Of tears drying up in the sand

All of us are searching for an open arm.
Well, it's a shame how I curl up in the dark
When it's the same old word giving me the spark.
All of us are searching for an open arm.
Well, it's a shame how I curl up in the dark

I washed my wounds with tears of hope.
I washed my wounds with tears of hope.
I just ...

All of us are searching for an open arm
Well, it's a shame how I pull myself apart.
When it's the same words making me run for cover to your arms.

(All of us are searching for an open arm)
When it's the same words making me run for cover to your arms.
(All of us are searching for an open arm)
(All of us are searching for an open arm)

The Easter Post

A man traveling through the great city once known to have the most glorious building known as the Temple, once stood in all its magnificent glory now only in a rubble and one wall standing...

As he stood there staring at the enormous wall..things began to twirl around felling dizzy and unsure of what was happening he felt himself lifted up and began spinning till everything went black..

When everything finally came to a stop he slowly opened his eyes.. must've been a bad headache he thought to himself. As he turned around to walk back to his lodge he noticed from the corner of his eye something different about the wall, so he turn about to get a better look again and true enough the wall was different. It was proper and no cracks to be found on it no eroding bricks or broken edges was seen.. "What happened?!" panicking he quickly looked around hoping to find something familiar. But to his horror the buildings around him before were gone, he could see only dirt covered huts a little distance away, small square buildings were the only sort of buldings seen around. The roads were dustier than ever and then he noticed people wearing robes in front of what was the temple front, but their robes werre different from what he saw earlier at the wall and now there was no one facing the wall. He hurried down to see what was happening.. The Temple stood there.. There was no longer a mosque on the flat concrete, there was no concrete! It was the temple he was facing. Suddenly the people in front of the temple noticed him. They shouted "Who are you?!" and "What are you doing there?," He couldn't find the words to answer, the language he learnt was a little different.. suddenly someone shouted "He's a spy!!" realizing he was in deep trouble, he turned and ran as fast as he could toward the little houses, the closest he could find looking for a place to hide. He ran and ran, turned at corners trying to avoid anyone in sight looking for an open door or a hole he could just run in to hide, then he saw a small opening at the end of one of the lanes and dashed toward it as fast as he could but as he turned.. Wham!! he ran into a big wall.. he didn't see it there before.. again he was in a daze.. everything went blank and all he could hear was the ring in his head from the hit..

...to be con't..

Making Decisions

In life there's so many things we go through that shape our life, shape our values and goals at the end of the day. We grow up under the tender and loving care of our parents for those of us who are blessed to see our begotters till our mature age. They choose the things that they deem to be purposeful, things that will help us grow, nurture us to grow up to be good people. Luk 11:11 "Now suppose one of you fathers is asked by his son for a fish; he will not give him a snake instead of a fish, will he?.....(11:13) So if you who are evil know how to give good gifts to your children..."

As we grow older we are given more responsibility and more choices to make. Instead of being fed, we have to work for our food. Slowly and under careful watch we learn the lesson of choice and consequence and we learn to be responsible mature adults at the end of the day. I for one am an example of this lesson and have grown to appreciate the times i am able to discern for myself the things which i'm called to. Yes it's true i've made choices that do not reflect the Father, but i'm under his gracious love and careful watch. And to my lost it took me so many years of my intellectual age to realize this truth and reality of life.

Even to the many mistakes I've made along the way from growing up given the chance to make mistakes, fall and pick myself up again I'm ever thankful for His mercy and care. Through the years I was in college, picking up bad habits and falling time and time again into temptations to fall short I'm ever tried and torn in the reality that I still haven't awaken to face which is that i can't do it on my own. From the time i've finished college to the transition of work i continue to make choices that saddens the Father as He watches with pain and always longin to see me turn back to Him.

It's when i finally lost the reason for fighting for my life and being called by the helper that i finally looked back to him. And when i did, He called. I answered without hessitant. My plans and goals, put on hold, even some were totally thrown away. However, even as i answered that call and went to seminary it was a blunt, blind and goalless path with my eyes so filled with my own desires. I was still falling in my ways and though in a seemingly safe environtment I was running away, making my own decisions, putting the "ME" at the centre of my life. It took me a year after to realize that the "I" was sitting and ruling my own heart. I cried, and i wept when i realized my foolishness in my own ways.. I've hurt the father so many times that an earthly father might resort to disown a son, but He so lovingly shed His blood that i might be forgiven and made whole so i may come to Him again.

I thought to myself that if i had gone away to another place to learn more of His word I might not turn out half as bad as i went. But the truth in the matter is that no matter where i went, if my heart wasn't prepared i will end up the same as i am in my possition here. It's to the realization that He needs to be the centre and on the throne of our hearts that will transform us into submitting to His will.

i do not deny the fact that there is a chance i might be different from what i went through here if i went abroad, but when i do come back as a different person so to speak what impact will it cause to the lives of those i mingle with here. They will but look at me and say "OH, He's changed now we can't go near to him..."? Is that the person i want to see myself become? Yes i do want to change into a better Christ-like person but i see myself being placed here so that my change gradually will also gather those around me to be changed into what He's called us to. And it is my prayer that i will be a light unto this world more and more each day, a life i will myself to sacrifice for the sake of His Kingdom and His love. I still am learning to be more and more like Him. It's a lesson and a choice of surrender and submission to Him in which i have to make each day.

Making Decisions  POSTED AT 03:09 AM January 26th, 2009