this is my life.. is it all i dreamt it would be?

Can't close my eyes in the middle of the night when i'm alone. Everything turns dark and dull when the lights go off and there's no one to turn to. Years have passed since the last time a day spent with someone i could share things with. It's been for a while if not too long since the memory of sharing a day and memories with someone called special. How the wishing of that day to come again lingers through the words that come out and as the clock strikes every second though not too desperately but the frank facts is the sudden thought of it dawning creates a realization that i'm not coping too well with the single notion of life. Having no one to hold dear and call precious is an irony or distress.

Been about 4 years since i've been out with someone special. How does it feel to not have that feeling of missing someone? or how is the toture of feeling like you're missing something but never being able to find it?. Sick and tired of being told where to go and where to be. feeling weak from being told who i am and who i'm supposed to be. Oh God when i be put off from this misery?