Been a long time (Finding His Love)

It has been a long long time it seems since I last wrote anything reason being the business that comes with working life and being involved with the house of prayer. It's been a season of growing through pain and joy sometimes sorrow, but they're necessary for growth. It's been a time of learning to give up things and living a life that's more disciplined and focused on the task set ahead of me.
I wouldn't say it's been smooth sailing all the way but it certainly has been rewarding going through those stretching patches of life. No I've not arrived nor am I more highly than I was before or those around me. Far from that, rather I find myself more and more ugly on the inside on my own. So many things brought to light just feels disgusting to even think of or imagine yet they are real and in every way meant to tear me down. I would say that I realize that I am weak and unable to rid myself from temptations and sin but by grace I've been saved by the blood of Jesus that has paid for all my sins and has enabled me to live a life that is righteous before His eyes.
I know He doesn't count the times I fall but He looks at the times I get up again and rise up from the pits into my identity in His Son. I know that the love of Jesus compels me to live worthy of the calling He has upon my life. Honestly I haven't been spending time in the secret place since I started working but i know that in my everyday walk I need to be in communion with Him and need His grace to get by each day because not a day that goes by without the enemy trying to steal away this heart of mine from the love and grace of walking in obedience and I do admit that sometimes if not too many I fall. Yet I am constantly reminded of His love that cares not of the sins I commit but looks at the gold that is in me. He calls me for who I am not who I'm supposed to be. He looks at me and calls me His own daily assuring me of His love. I can only fail and bring Him sorrow but from the help of the Holy Spirit I bring Him joy when by His strength I pass the test and by His love and grace I rise up again each time I fall. That is the extend of His love that I find myself so lost in.