post Rising Star

The highly anticipated match for the season arrived and went in a whiff.
And here's the spread of the day events.

First-off i was assigned to team Bak Chang with awesome team mates and although i yell a lot during practice for me it's so they know what they do wrong and can learn on the spot. It's not because i'm angry or whatever at them. At times yes i'm a little frustrated but i do it for the yelling is to point out the mistakes and yes i do make mistakes also and i know it when i do obvious ones sometimes uncalled for but everyone needs to learn right?

So back to the main topic of the competition, I hardly yelled i think i only enLARGED my volume a couple times XD. I'd say our team did a pretty decent job despite the inexperience and lack of court sense. Team captain Wayne did a good job of holding the team together and providing the two bottles of 100 plus which helped quench the thirst and replenish the lost of sugar and salt.

Our first game was against the SXI boys who really showed us that young guns can have a go (or maybe coz i'm old -.-'') for the goal. We did underestimate our opponents although we ourselves were pretty on the weak side and sending only 1 and a half lines we had no chance of changing lines and also the level difference of the first line and second was a little unbalanced so we didn't have enough fire power up front. Also since it was our first game on court i think we were all a little disorganized and was just everywhere on court which really took a toll on our strength and stamina which cost us a 3 goal lost. Although i we took a few shots at goal their defense dis a good job at blocking our war and one shot that i could've sent in went straight into the goalie's chest in vain.. Defensive error also played a major part in the conceding of goals. The last goal that came was totally a blow for me since it actually hit my thigh and deflected into the top corner of the goal. Anyways our goalie was new to the arena too so we all still love him with his numerous saves =D kudos Nic.

So after that we got together for a post mortem of the first game to see where we can improve and every player respectively gave an input into the betterment of the team. So after the short(long) discussion we went for a team boost cheer BAKCHANG!!! and went into to catch the ongoing game.

Finally our turn was up and this time against Contact who had Coach Ed as their goalie -.- totally didn't expect that till right before the match when Ben Ong came and told me.. so a bit surprised la haha eh Penang head coach kay who not intimidated? lolz.. but anyways.. got the team together to get our mental straight don't care who the opponent is we do our best coz if they're not gonna hold back so why bother holding back? XD
And out we went against team Contact, which proved a tough run. game was fast paced and high energy it was up down up down for both teams. And being on defense the field of run was just a little more than the forwards or so it seemed. With a weaker forward line i tried to make shots from the middle court and also having the duty of guarding the offense player on the other team Ben Ong which is pretty lethal in the goal face there was a lot of running to do but the light came in not long into the game when i managed to make a shot a goal from a semi-drag shot which nailed the fist goal for the team and also the last. I had hopes that at least we could hold the fort but then on the attempt to make a second chance at goal i fell in front of the opponent goal which put me out of the game for quite a bit as i fell on my nerve and got my whole butt numb.. then when i finally got in our score was equalized and towards the end another shot was sent in by Charmaine also due to a blur defense so yeah..

So we went out after the game to have a brief debriefing time. and although we lost we did our best for this time round so we still stood up like winners with cheers for the FireBrands, our mental, bak chang and DIV 1!!!!

p.s. mind you i didn't have enough sleep two days straight before the game so very low...

My new SHOEEEE!!!

You know the song "these boot were made for walking"

Well... i got the other version of "These Shoes Were Made For Running!!"
i got these yesterday :) thanks to the help of my brother.. i got to use them today although i flat-out(ed) just 100m before the finish line T.T

Training Trane-ing

Coach Ed said... Today first day la.. so we'll take it easy then he added "relatively"... lol
Relatively is a bad word in my vocabulary hahaha. Physical training outdoors for the first time so didn't really know what to expect except that it would be physically challenging? i guess.

And so after work.. which was near by, went straight to Bukit Dumbar for the routine. Reached there and everyone started showing up one by one so we waited and waited not too long and finally everyone arrived. I thought it was gonna be some sort of a obstacle-ish type of training with runs here and there on the top part. Then i realized.. No, we weren't going up there and we gathered at the sloppy side and i thought to myself.. wah... run up and down the slope? confirm GG... since so long haven't trained on my own. haven't gone jogging for at least couple of months. But thankfully that didn't happen although in the next coming training we will get there eventually..

But for today.. we were spared the hardship and went for the middleship lol. We did warm a warm up round around the circuit we were to run later. Then came the drill. groups of four jogging speed then fourth person sprint to take lead for about 10-15 steps then next last person sprint and same thing over and over for 5 rnds. So people in my group were Des, Sam, Jason and I. We started off steady setting our pace with some groups in front some behind then we took over the lead for the rest of it i think. We went on and on and on and on and on and then the final round.. was thinking wah Coach Ed didn't join our group, so we must be doing quite alright.. then as we went down the stairs he was in front of us.. and we overtook him.. in my mind i was thinking please don't overtake us... XD.. I was already starting to have minor cramps near my stomach.. then it happened, He took over.. and boy it was my turn to overtake him.. so i did and then Deswyn..... Boy did i die after that.. coach did an extended sprint after that and totally cramped up trying to push myself for the last 200m all thanks to the stupid bun i had like 5 mins before running. Don't know what i was thinking... haih... never let that happen again hahah..
However at the end of it, it was all worth it and fun :) i'll be sure to improve the next time round

Whoah Training ROCKS!!

Well well, it's been a while since state training got going and finally after a whole div 1 league and a few weeks past it's finally reinstated. And boy it was awesome although it's the first one after so long haha. I feel alive again.. it was all good cept for the part i got locked in the changing room while changing... -.- imagine changing clothes.. then suddenly lights off and doors locked lol.. course i was shocked but luckily ppl were still around or i would have to climb out through the window.. hahah

anyways... next week is the killer week which i'm looking forward to lolz.. haven't experienced it before so it'll be fun to find out to what extent i can push myself. I'm also thinking if i should join the 7km run in support of cancer patients which goes around the botanical gardens and youth park.. hmm.. hard to consider... XD it's a sunday morning too haiz...

Vindicate me Oh Lord

Praise to You Almighty God
All creation sing praise
For You have done great things

The earth is the Lord's
And everything in it
Praise Your Holy Name

I will seek You Oh Lord
In times when I'm weak
I will seek You
Even when I am strong

For my strength comes from You
Oh Lord my God

Alone I am unable
Only through You I am able
For You are faithful
Even when I fail You
Because You made me
And You know me

Even now when I am afflicted
When I'm shaken and in pain
You will lift me up
When I'm weary and down trodden
You will strengthen me
For those who wait on You
Will renew their strength

I wait on You Oh Lord
I wait on You
I will continually Praise You
forever I will Praise You

Vindicate me Oh Lord
From the things that surrounds me
Save me Oh Lord
Rescue me from the hand of the enemy
Those who seek to destroy me
Vindicate me
That I may rise once again to give You praise

Bless Your name forever
May Your name be blessed

The Dwelling of My King

In the city on the hill

There Your presense is

For You are Holy

And none can match Your name

For I seek You daily

So I may see Your face

That I may dwell

In Your house forever

The one thing I desire

That I will seek

To dwell in Your house

It's to dwell in Your house

You alone deserve the praises

The praises of Your people

It rises to you

Like sweet incense

Like fragrant oil

Rising up to bless You

I will bless Your name forever

Skipped, Passed, and Next Please

The phrase i've always heard whenever I wanted to do something when i was younger was oh you're too young. The first time I heard that blowing call was when i wanted to go for youth camp the first time. Well i was 12 and young, correct but so were the rest of the 12 year olds who did manage to go. I told my parents I wanted to go for the camp and guess what? You're still young, too young for that. No one can take care of you there bla bla bla... earlier on I wanted to follow my brother cycling when I was in langkawi, guess what you so young cannot go... guess what there were two guys younger than me who went...

When i wanted to work at 15.. oh no.. you're too young when i wanted to drive, oh no too young.. Seriously the number of "too young's" I've heard in my whole life is unimaginable. Don't remember how many times i've heard it. Anyways.. so i guess i have to wait till i'm older eh? So wait i did. Pouring all effort and energy into people working things out. Just waiting to get older. And one fine day I did grow older, but guess what now i'm too old. All my life I've heard prophecies of "you'll be a leader among people" but time and time I've only seen it skipped by me. Circumstances are always " i pick you, and you, and you, and *skip*, and you." These are your new leaders.

Time and time I offered to serve, but no i'm underqualified, you're over qualified for this small thing. It's ok, you should go do something better. I can't count the number of turndowns and excuses given. Well is this what it means to be that stallion, to be that leader, to be called. I don't know. Sometimes, and honestly speaking I've been tested and tried so so many times. It feels like it's too much. Too many times that I don't know when will be the day I leave it all. Is that what it takes? To forsake all? To leave all the "call" if it now exists for what's out there. If that's the measure of tolerating the words that i've been hearing then I might be forced to make the choice of leaving behind lies and deception. I don't know why people keep reminding me about oh.. remember you call and all bla bla bla.. what's there to remember when there's no help coming my way. I've done so many things, to look for an opening only to end up in denied answers. And people complain that I haven't done anything when they don't see the extent of where i've pushed myself sometimes.

Even in places where I can excel, I've been pushed aside just like that. In things i cannot achieve i accept, because there's someone who's better let him do it. But in areas i know i have strength in I've also been placed under the drawer. I am happy for the one chosen but i don't know how to react to those choosing. I sometimes feel like blowing up in myself. All those effort put in to bring up standards of people pushing myself to be better at what i do so i can be of help to those weaker and struggling pushing the tray from the bottom. To end the date with "oh you've all come a long way, now you're leaders." And the guy at the bottom stays at the bottom still pushing those on top higher and higher until they are able to rise themselves.

But I guess the only thing holding me on is that Jesus was the greatest servant when He was the greatest leader, He was God who came and served on the earth He created. Who am i compared to him. What's there for me to complain? With God in perspective, my answer is I have no right to complain. Fatalism says just wait till the worst happens. Hope says wait till the end of days. Hope? or Illusion? Your call. My answer? Hope only in God.

No Boundaries

Okay this is uber late if you consider the topic hahah but here's my two cents on the AI season with Lambert and that Allen dude. With all the rustle going on with who's better and who deserved the win I'll just put a little thought to it.

Personally I do think Adam has a better and unique voice. High pitches, although some sharp notes but blends nonetheless. When he did the song no boundaries I think it was prime rearranging the vocal parts was genius and nailed it perfectly. Studio recording would be easy for a guy with good pitches and range. I say it'll take no time for the producers to sign this guy and come up with loads of albums.

As for Adam, the video was totally cool with the spins and angle casts but, his voice was just not there. It was obvious that he couldn't reach the high notes and was bursting out his veins when he tried. I personally think that what he did was not up to par with the standard and it's totally not his kind of song. Although the studio recording makes him sound nice, i bet the ammount of tweaks needed to enhance the vocals would be immense. Hard word given nonetheless. When he did "Ain't No Sunshine," it was definitely a better piece.

However what's said is just personal thoughts and well sorry if you're a Kris fan and you feel offended. Well it's not the end. All decided the win still went to Kris. I did not follow through the season so i've only heard a couple of his songs which he did well actually and i liked them. Just the final piece wasn't his type of song to finish with. Based on the last performance results I still think Adam should've won but Kris did. So... with the ending song it definitely added meaning to the song as it was then proven that the lyrics described his journey there. It just added more meaning to the song at the end.

(I do not idolize any singers just like some of their work, comments are performance based)

The update post

So I haven't been able to update for a bit since i haven't been home enough lately to use the computer. Now that I'm back I guess then I'm somewhat obliged to at least put up something here.

Post 1
The Riders Live
As you can see the title says it all. After weeks and months of not getting together finally we managed to pull off a day with 5 members on the field one fine Sunday, July 19th. Although we were anticipating a few more, some were out with injury or just away from town that weekend. All said, we managed to do a few basic drills on the field.

Post 2
The Riders Live II
And again The Riders live to see a second consecutive week. This time we had a shattering record of 11 people attending our Sunday scrimmage. Those present were Justin, Julian, Andrew, Daniel, Myself, Samuel Thum, and Justin's three friends Andrew, Fred, CM, and Sern (don't really know how to spell their names, my bad) who seemed really interested in the game and not forgetting Gary who came albeit a minor injury on his knee.

We started off a time of introducing the rules and techniques to the newcomers who were eager to learn and then had a few warm-up tosses to help them familiarize. Then we split into two teams Team 1: Julian, Justin, Sern, Andrew Ng, Fred. Team 2: Me, CM, Sam, AndrewC, Daniel.
yes... it seemed pretty imbalanced with the picks but we had fair picks XD.

Team 2 started the game from our 10 which got us up past midfield however a lost of yards was called due to carelessness. So on our last draw near our endzone I threw a long to AndrewC who caught the ball perfectly only to run precfectly out of bounds too with only a yard left for touchdown and while everyone was staring with disbelief he was celebrating his "touchdown."

So a turnover and ball on Team 1's 10. I'd have to say they made a good run down field but i guess due to inexperience their recievers couldn't catch the ball to make it count.

Team 2 had more experienced ball handlers which brought the team to put points on the scoreboard when it mattered. With long haulers like AndrewC and Daniel. Long passes was the ace card for the quarterback who was also able to run fast to rush the ball a good 12 yards to gain a first down which then led to the first touchdown. 3 points to team 2.

Team 1 finally had a good run and brought the ball close to their endzone. But Team 2 set up a goal line formation which put a good stop to their sneaky play of a QB dive to push them back another 2 yards and forced them to go with a pass play to score a TD. So the score tied to 3-3.
The next few touchdowns was from Team 2 with a criss-cross of the WR and HB down field team1's single CB was caught up in a mess as he didn't know who to follow resulting in a TD for Team2. and another touchdown after that from Team2 again. So with the last row for Team1 They decided to go for a long. QB Julian was in for it this time. Sending his twin towers up field and even his TE to a streak he made a long pass up their lawn into the midfield but came short. Team2's FS who managed to see the shortcoming was a little quicker then team1's TE to intercept the ball and run for a returning TD to end the day with a four to one touchdown resulting in a 12-3 score.

We hope to see more people coming next week so we can all learn this game make friends and connect with others with the same passion.

Drums and Roses

My next target for adding to my drums collection is cymbals. since i've got my double paddle and piccolo snare, the next big thing would be killer cymbals and i know just the right one to get at the right price :D check it out...


uh.. yeah ideally would be this one.. but no..



er.. yeah even better a set of this.. but for now.. no







voila!! this!! heheh stagg cymbals they kinda look like HHX but sounds crisp too so yeah.. my target for now

In The Valley

Ladies and Gents.. I'm only human, and humans are entitled to face failures sometimes. It's been a while since I've felt this lost actually. I've always held my head high and thought through things before actually acting on something. I weigh my choices and look at the options I have and find the best way to reach the goal I've placed in front of me. Even the small things that I was left to choose I'll give it sometimes of thought before acting and all these thinking and planning made my path clear and focused. Right? WRONG!!

As soon as I thought I was on the right track, and that I've done the right thing by choosing to do Theological studies I was thrown with options and others distractions and attractions. I thought it was the one right thing that I can even do with my choice right? I mean people around me look and say "whoa.. you're gonna be like your dad eh? going to be a pastor?" hah WRONG again (this time not on my side) I never saw myself being a pastor now seriously. I've always had a heart for missions and media. So I'm sorry to disappoint all of you out there who think I'm on the track of being a pastor like my dad or someone else. I did not go into theological education to come out with a beaming degree in theology that enables me to sorta walk up to people and say "I am Pastor James!" or whatsoever. None of that was ever taken into account. It was for my own growth and insight so I can be more effective in my future task or at least am able to answer questions thrown at me, it was to help me develope a mind and heart that is Christ centered and not just head knowledge that wasn't even really capable of understanding the true meaning of being a Christian.

As hard as it was for me to make the decision to enter into theological enducation, it is even harder for me now to consider my next step from here. Not to say i don't trust God or anything. I honestly believe in His sovereignty and His faithfullness in providing for those who honor and serve Him. But i also believe that sometimes we have to make a conscious decision as to whether we want to do His bidding or not and that does not necessarily mean we have to go to wherever people see fits the puzzle. Sometimes He uses us in different ways than that of which we could imagine. I'm certainly now in a place where i can no longer see any light or any road or any direction that I should be going in. I feel totally lost, like i am in the valley or darkness. I need a miracle, i need a sign, i need God to show right now i need to know what to do or i'm just gonna sit here and wait until something happens.

It brings tears to my eyes when i think of the things i've done, or the so many times i've screwed up and made bad choices and what's worse than thinking it's the right thing and then to have to turn back and say i blew it after people see a worth in backing you up and to see all that support just seemingly go to waste? I don't know but i can't bear the thought of making people think i'm not a finisher because i can't finish something i was so determined it was the right thing for me to do. I need to just pray until i hear an answer. oh God..

Dancing on the clouds

Say so most of you have heard of my trip to Sarawak haha.. well i'm officially in MIRI!! woohoo :D
The journey wasn't as expected tho.. The flight was set for 3p.m. so i took a bus from Bangsar area where I waited for like (seems like) ever for the bus to Sentral. Thankfully Ju was there waiting with me even though it was as hot as hell... From Sentral I didn't have time to go get what i needed/wanted coz of the lack of time so immediately i went on the AirAsia bus and headed for LCCT. Met up with my parents there then ate at McD and then checked in our luggage. So we moved on into the waiting hall for our plane at about 2:20 so we waited patiently :) till the clock struck 2:40 there was still no sign of our plane... then the dreaded part of the wait came.. the announcement ring haha.. "ladies and gentleman, bla bla bla..." the flight was delayed for an hour and 20 mins... wth???!!! ah... i knew i should've just went shopping earlier on haha wanted to buy a rubix cube actually but didn't sheesh totally should've. So finally 4:20 and our plane came.. but yeah.. guess what we only took off at 5ish.. then there was one guy who complained to the stewardess and all claim for free food yadda yadda haha which was funny just watching and kinda embarassing as well when my parents were also talking to him and all lolz..
(but we do get to claim actually eheh)
anyways.. on to the journey we took off in a cloudy hazy dark sky.. sent off by a kumulunimbus cloud.. too bad i didn't have my dad's camera with me otherwise could've totally took awesome shots. the skyline was just beautiful at 37,000 ft with rolling clouds, thin clouds, then there were parts where the plane was sanwiched by clouds on top and below it's just amazing and showing how God is such an awesome designer and creator.
we landed at about 7:20 and my bro picked us up.. went to an awesome house...

the house from outside

the guest book

the awesome room ( i was supposed to stay here too) but if i did no updates d haha

lovely fruit basket

... and they got a kitchen too

Then we went for dinner after dropping their(parents) stuff at the house. OH and there's a Jalan Bunga Tanjung here haha just like Penang.. although it was too dark to see anything Josh still took us round here and there to see the town lolz..

makan time haha!! seafood!!

more food..

my bro's ride


and... finally that's me with Percy haha (josh's cat)


guess that's it for now.. the cat has been jumping up and down.. running here and there going crazy and all lolz.. that's all for today haha more pics will be up on facebook tomorrow hopefully :D

Blog transfer

For those of you know follow, although it's a small number to none i presume hahah, i've always had two blogs, one tabulas account and this one. both serving different purposes with tabulas being more a daily thingy (although not daily updated) or a what i'm going through update and this blog being a more artistic or poetic, sharing thoughts kind of a blog.

however i've decided to change the method and combine both blogs into this one so the tabulas will be sort of left to die :D with a notice that i've changed to this one. so yeah do check back for more updates :D

Word For Today

Rules For Handling Anger (2)

Let each one of you speak truth... - Ephesians 4:25 NKJV

Rule 2: Keep it non-lethal. Paul writes: 'In your anger do not sin... ' (Ephesians 4:26 NIV). What do Paul's words mean? Don't let your anger escalate to the point of doing damage. Don't use your words as a weapon or a control mechanism. It's okay to express your emotions in a healthy way, but keep them in check. Your goal must be to resolve the problem and strengthen the relationship, not 'sound off' and wound the other person. Is this easy to do? No. You'll need a good strong dose of grace to do it. Words spoken in jest, sarcasm, self-righteousness or 'righteous indignation' wound people, sometimes permanently. '... Perverseness [of the tongue] breaks the spirit.' (Proverbs 15:4 NKJV). '... A crushed spirit who can bear?' (Proverbs 18:14 NIV). 'The tongue can bring death... ' (Proverbs 18:21 NLT). Angry words, once unleashed, can: '... Go down into a man's inmost parts' (Proverbs 26:22 NIV). Your words can live in the heart and memory of a person and go all the way to the grave with them. We say, 'Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me,' but it's not true. A person can die of a crushed spirit, and the one who spoke the words can live to regret the damage they inflicted and never get a chance to undo it. On the other hand, anger properly handled never needs to be repented of. So learn to differentiate between the anger you feel and the words you speak. Anger carefully thought through, can reveal important information about needed changes. Focus on that, and ask God to show you what needs changing in the other person; and you!

All of us - a song by Blindside

As soon as you stepped through my door,
I saw You for the first time all over again.
And time well spent seems
Lonelier than the way it used to go.

As I smell you for the first time all over again
I'll begin to remember to be alive
So if you don't mind
I think I'll wear my heart on my sleeve,
'Cause I'm tired of not being able to breathe.

All of us are searching for an open arm.
Well, it's a shame how I curl up in the dark
When it's the same old word giving me the spark.
All of us are searching for an open arm.
Well, it's a shame how I curl up in the dark

I've felt a loss for some time
I slipped, stumbled, but fell face first
straight into your hand.
Then I hit my head on your palm
And waking up to the smell
Of tears drying up in the sand

All of us are searching for an open arm.
Well, it's a shame how I curl up in the dark
When it's the same old word giving me the spark.
All of us are searching for an open arm.
Well, it's a shame how I curl up in the dark

I washed my wounds with tears of hope.
I washed my wounds with tears of hope.
I just ...

All of us are searching for an open arm
Well, it's a shame how I pull myself apart.
When it's the same words making me run for cover to your arms.

(All of us are searching for an open arm)
When it's the same words making me run for cover to your arms.
(All of us are searching for an open arm)
(All of us are searching for an open arm)

The Easter Post

A man traveling through the great city once known to have the most glorious building known as the Temple, once stood in all its magnificent glory now only in a rubble and one wall standing...

As he stood there staring at the enormous wall..things began to twirl around felling dizzy and unsure of what was happening he felt himself lifted up and began spinning till everything went black..

When everything finally came to a stop he slowly opened his eyes.. must've been a bad headache he thought to himself. As he turned around to walk back to his lodge he noticed from the corner of his eye something different about the wall, so he turn about to get a better look again and true enough the wall was different. It was proper and no cracks to be found on it no eroding bricks or broken edges was seen.. "What happened?!" panicking he quickly looked around hoping to find something familiar. But to his horror the buildings around him before were gone, he could see only dirt covered huts a little distance away, small square buildings were the only sort of buldings seen around. The roads were dustier than ever and then he noticed people wearing robes in front of what was the temple front, but their robes werre different from what he saw earlier at the wall and now there was no one facing the wall. He hurried down to see what was happening.. The Temple stood there.. There was no longer a mosque on the flat concrete, there was no concrete! It was the temple he was facing. Suddenly the people in front of the temple noticed him. They shouted "Who are you?!" and "What are you doing there?," He couldn't find the words to answer, the language he learnt was a little different.. suddenly someone shouted "He's a spy!!" realizing he was in deep trouble, he turned and ran as fast as he could toward the little houses, the closest he could find looking for a place to hide. He ran and ran, turned at corners trying to avoid anyone in sight looking for an open door or a hole he could just run in to hide, then he saw a small opening at the end of one of the lanes and dashed toward it as fast as he could but as he turned.. Wham!! he ran into a big wall.. he didn't see it there before.. again he was in a daze.. everything went blank and all he could hear was the ring in his head from the hit..

...to be con't..

Making Decisions

In life there's so many things we go through that shape our life, shape our values and goals at the end of the day. We grow up under the tender and loving care of our parents for those of us who are blessed to see our begotters till our mature age. They choose the things that they deem to be purposeful, things that will help us grow, nurture us to grow up to be good people. Luk 11:11 "Now suppose one of you fathers is asked by his son for a fish; he will not give him a snake instead of a fish, will he?.....(11:13) So if you who are evil know how to give good gifts to your children..."

As we grow older we are given more responsibility and more choices to make. Instead of being fed, we have to work for our food. Slowly and under careful watch we learn the lesson of choice and consequence and we learn to be responsible mature adults at the end of the day. I for one am an example of this lesson and have grown to appreciate the times i am able to discern for myself the things which i'm called to. Yes it's true i've made choices that do not reflect the Father, but i'm under his gracious love and careful watch. And to my lost it took me so many years of my intellectual age to realize this truth and reality of life.

Even to the many mistakes I've made along the way from growing up given the chance to make mistakes, fall and pick myself up again I'm ever thankful for His mercy and care. Through the years I was in college, picking up bad habits and falling time and time again into temptations to fall short I'm ever tried and torn in the reality that I still haven't awaken to face which is that i can't do it on my own. From the time i've finished college to the transition of work i continue to make choices that saddens the Father as He watches with pain and always longin to see me turn back to Him.

It's when i finally lost the reason for fighting for my life and being called by the helper that i finally looked back to him. And when i did, He called. I answered without hessitant. My plans and goals, put on hold, even some were totally thrown away. However, even as i answered that call and went to seminary it was a blunt, blind and goalless path with my eyes so filled with my own desires. I was still falling in my ways and though in a seemingly safe environtment I was running away, making my own decisions, putting the "ME" at the centre of my life. It took me a year after to realize that the "I" was sitting and ruling my own heart. I cried, and i wept when i realized my foolishness in my own ways.. I've hurt the father so many times that an earthly father might resort to disown a son, but He so lovingly shed His blood that i might be forgiven and made whole so i may come to Him again.

I thought to myself that if i had gone away to another place to learn more of His word I might not turn out half as bad as i went. But the truth in the matter is that no matter where i went, if my heart wasn't prepared i will end up the same as i am in my possition here. It's to the realization that He needs to be the centre and on the throne of our hearts that will transform us into submitting to His will.

i do not deny the fact that there is a chance i might be different from what i went through here if i went abroad, but when i do come back as a different person so to speak what impact will it cause to the lives of those i mingle with here. They will but look at me and say "OH, He's changed now we can't go near to him..."? Is that the person i want to see myself become? Yes i do want to change into a better Christ-like person but i see myself being placed here so that my change gradually will also gather those around me to be changed into what He's called us to. And it is my prayer that i will be a light unto this world more and more each day, a life i will myself to sacrifice for the sake of His Kingdom and His love. I still am learning to be more and more like Him. It's a lesson and a choice of surrender and submission to Him in which i have to make each day.

Making Decisions  POSTED AT 03:09 AM January 26th, 2009

Praise Belongs To You

Gave me life
Washed me clean
Took my sins
upon the cross
Shed your blood
bore my shame

pre# now all i live is for Your name
All my days proclaim Your fame

Ch# I'm gonna sing Your praise
Gonna raise it to the ends of the earth
gonna praise You till the end of days
My life i choose to live for You
All Glory and Praise to You
Jesus my praise belongs to You

Showed the world
You love so great
To give Your live
a sacrifice
So that all
Might be called to you

**
Now all I'm called
Is to give my all
All you want is
for me to take your love
to all the world

Change? What change?

The recent things happening around us in this lifetime are changing for the better or the worse as we deem it good or bad for us. Everyday changes are happening around us, some that we know and others that we know not of.

Our life as Christians should be one that has undergone change the day we first received the gift of salvation and that if we really, truly in our hearts know the meaning of salvation. What does it mean to enter into the kingdom of God? Are we in for the amount of 'blessings' we are able to get from Him? are we then, in it for the sake of His love for us that He had given us His life?

A lot of us pray for change to happen. We ask God to change our situation, we ask Him to change our bosses, we ask Him to change those around us, or those more righteous will ask God to change our lives, or change the world to be a better place. Asking Him to change our community, our nation, and lives. But do we look inside the center of it all? Why isn't anything happening? why do we still see the world to be a place full of brokenness, where revival is not happening or seems so near yet so far.

We are not in need of change. We are lacking in repentance. God has given in us the cross everything. We ask for more of Him, more of the Holy Spirit, but the truth in the matter is that He has given us more than we need. The cross has said it all, He has given it all. The question is are we letting Him work in us, through us. Do we allow Him to use us. If we truly genuinely have experienced the gift of salvation, the grace he has shown us, if we really understand the meaning of his death on the cross that change that we so ask of Him for will happen starting from within us because He has enabled us through the power of the Holy Spirit.

If we Do not repent don't talk about change, if we don't make a choice, don't talk about change.. If only we repent, turn from our own ways, understand the grace that He has given us and make that conscious decision to change then only change will take place. We can't change if we keep on praying "God change me" and do nothing about our own lifestyle. If we do not align our world view to the way God sees things how will change take place?

We need to turn from our wicked ways, take up our cross, follow Jesus. Do we have the heart for the lost? Do we see those around the way God sees them? He has died on the cross for all of them even the neighbor you hate so much, even the junkie that you despise. The fact that He has died on the cross says that they are worthy to receive his gift. Who are we to judge whether he or she is worthy of receiving the saving grace of the Father? Judge not lest we be judge by the measure in which we judge. We are called to tell of the goodnews, the gospel of the cross to everyone regardless of who they are, so unless our minds are renewed and our worldview changed, that we start reaching out to those around us that change will happen according to God's plan and purpose.

life isn't

life isn't just about earning or making a living, it's not just about establishing our carreer

life isn't about going for what we want

it's not about fame and fortune

yea

but what surrounds me now is all that crap and the need for that trash

everyone is striving to make their piece while some of us are left out cast coz we don't meet "their" standards and feel distress that everyone is turning that way

feeling hopeless becasue the ones that were close to them indulge in things that will take away their life