It's been a while since I wrote anything since I've been rather caught up in a crazy season. I guess God's trying to tell me something sending so many different people to tell me the same thing. It's time for me to decide what I really have to do to get to the place where I'm supposed to be. Although it's going to be a long road still I've learned that I've gotta be patient in order to gain something.
Really looking for a job isn't an easy thing as it is to go work with familiar people. It takes so much and with the time I've wasted so much, there really isn't anything much for me to show in order to get in to any company that's hiring. With little or no portfolio to show, it's like telling people I want to do this but I haven't done anything. In this competitive world, it's like kissing that job goodbye. I do realize that it would take a miracle for me to get a job at this point of time and all I can do is apply and pray that God will grant me an open door to the place where He wants me to be.
With that, I will need to sacrifice a lot of other things that are a distraction and keeping me from reaching my goal. It may mean for me to let go of certain ministries and activities. I need to learn to not be so fickle minded and learn to only focus on the right things. And that's where it's hard for me to do. As much as I would love to hold on, I need to let go in order to grow. I don't want to get caught left behind again.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Some pics I've finally decided to take time to refine
titles in order (top to bottom) morning dew, lamp, before the clouds
Friday, May 07, 2010
who knew
It's been a while since I've started to think and weigh the choices and directions I have to choose, praying about what's next, and where to from here. Though time has really just passed by I'm still here with no set directions as to where to head off from here. It's just scary to see life catch up so quickly and yet I'm left behind with people looking at me and keep questioning me as to what I want to do with my life with remarks that don't sound really too pleasant to be mentioned here, the pressure is on. But honestly I don't see a clear path ahead of me, which is a problem with eyes watching from all sides carrying their own perspective of what I'm going through and judging from their point of view.
The hardest decision for me to make is whether to leave what I've done so far just to embark on another journey. the dilemma being two sides of the story. On one hand there's people talking about commitment and perseverance, and on the other hand I'm asked to do something with my life and some of it from the same people. I don't wanna be caught giving up something on the verge of a new horizon. Then you get people coming to say "See, if only you held on a little longer... this would've happened.. bla bla bla.." all that bullcrap when they were the one telling you to move along.
Man all these things that people do and find whatever excuses they can to cover or protect what they've said done to prove their own self righteousness. I'm sick and tired of waiting and hearing people who plan for something and never come around doing it. And that's one of the reasons I'm stuck in my situation. Because I've been hoping for something that will never happen like a sitting rubber duck. I'm just really tired of playing games with all that's going on. But the reality is that it's really that hard to find a direction that is certain. Cause the simple fact is, nothing is certain. and i'm about to lose it all if i don't make a step forward. Pressing on for the wrong thing just wears you out in every aspect.
The hardest decision for me to make is whether to leave what I've done so far just to embark on another journey. the dilemma being two sides of the story. On one hand there's people talking about commitment and perseverance, and on the other hand I'm asked to do something with my life and some of it from the same people. I don't wanna be caught giving up something on the verge of a new horizon. Then you get people coming to say "See, if only you held on a little longer... this would've happened.. bla bla bla.." all that bullcrap when they were the one telling you to move along.
Man all these things that people do and find whatever excuses they can to cover or protect what they've said done to prove their own self righteousness. I'm sick and tired of waiting and hearing people who plan for something and never come around doing it. And that's one of the reasons I'm stuck in my situation. Because I've been hoping for something that will never happen like a sitting rubber duck. I'm just really tired of playing games with all that's going on. But the reality is that it's really that hard to find a direction that is certain. Cause the simple fact is, nothing is certain. and i'm about to lose it all if i don't make a step forward. Pressing on for the wrong thing just wears you out in every aspect.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Where Do I Go From Here?
It's been a while since I've done anything significant in my life, like do something and stick with it. I'm so tired of the many choices I have that's so much just confusing me. I don't know the direction as to where i should go. I sure don't want to stop learning but where will be my classroom? and who will be my teachers? Do i take a step out of this place or do i stay? All these questions have been thrown each day in hope for an answer but all i get is stillness, quietness, it's deafening if you ask, and it's making me insane. Even my communication skill has gone out the window. All i ever say just pissed people off or puts people down. Is there nothing that i do that will build people up? am i that despicable? I just wish that I would be mute if that's all i can do. I don't want to spend my life casting spit on people. If I have simply offended anyone without a thought I'm truly sorry. I guess i need to leave this place if it would make a difference. If it would bring healing. If only I would be forgotten for the stain that i have placed.
Thursday, April 01, 2010
After the Game
I meant to post this up after the game but well.. lets just say i didn't have time hahah. Anyways.. the Battle was won but the war is still not over.
So did we manage to pull it off? with our lack of finish up front I still think we nailed it this time although as always it could be better :) but the team was pleased with the achievement thus far. As for now there lie no other wall for us to reach div1. Alas some of our players managed to rise to the occasion this time and was able to convert efforts to a goal; good job Indy :). And we manged to keep all our player in the field to start unlike the first game where one had to sit out for our "incorrect equipment" lolz everyone was wearing different pants.. -.- but that's fixed now.
As for our compatriots the Patriots they gave it all out but their opponents were just on a different level and rolled them over with a 7 - 1 scoreline. being the first game to be played in div2, at least they scored one with Donovan and his hockey swing taking the shot if it was on target it would be hard to block haha and lucky for that one it gave them one point a little ahead of their predecessors last year when they suffered 8 - 0 from team contact. So i think it was a worth start with also 8 goals scored but this time the '1' was from our side. All that's left is to beat Trailblazers to not finish last and i very much believe that they are capable of doing so using the advantage they have with more guys on the team compared to Trailblazers who consist of mostly girls. God help our Patriots.
So did we manage to pull it off? with our lack of finish up front I still think we nailed it this time although as always it could be better :) but the team was pleased with the achievement thus far. As for now there lie no other wall for us to reach div1. Alas some of our players managed to rise to the occasion this time and was able to convert efforts to a goal; good job Indy :). And we manged to keep all our player in the field to start unlike the first game where one had to sit out for our "incorrect equipment" lolz everyone was wearing different pants.. -.- but that's fixed now.
As for our compatriots the Patriots they gave it all out but their opponents were just on a different level and rolled them over with a 7 - 1 scoreline. being the first game to be played in div2, at least they scored one with Donovan and his hockey swing taking the shot if it was on target it would be hard to block haha and lucky for that one it gave them one point a little ahead of their predecessors last year when they suffered 8 - 0 from team contact. So i think it was a worth start with also 8 goals scored but this time the '1' was from our side. All that's left is to beat Trailblazers to not finish last and i very much believe that they are capable of doing so using the advantage they have with more guys on the team compared to Trailblazers who consist of mostly girls. God help our Patriots.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
All of the hype that your money can buy
So finally the hour where we face our second biggest obstacle draws closer. All the talk bout them beating us and us beating the
will finally be put to the test to see who will prevail in the battle for the top in div2 and earn the spot into div1. With our past performance showing off the lack in ability to finish it's no wonder they have such confidence in this battle. But the end is still a ways to go. Will we be able to rise to the occasion and make that finish up high or remain blunt in our attempts to beat this coming team. I hope for the former to happen and pray to God to be on our side as we take another step to move forward in our journey of floorball. Having said that the junior team will also be facing the same club we are just at a different level. It will be their first game in div2 and also the first time playing in full court for most of them. I hope and pray for the best in the outcome of both teams. And now I can sleep inpeace after having said what was on my mind.
will finally be put to the test to see who will prevail in the battle for the top in div2 and earn the spot into div1. With our past performance showing off the lack in ability to finish it's no wonder they have such confidence in this battle. But the end is still a ways to go. Will we be able to rise to the occasion and make that finish up high or remain blunt in our attempts to beat this coming team. I hope for the former to happen and pray to God to be on our side as we take another step to move forward in our journey of floorball. Having said that the junior team will also be facing the same club we are just at a different level. It will be their first game in div2 and also the first time playing in full court for most of them. I hope and pray for the best in the outcome of both teams. And now I can sleep inpeace after having said what was on my mind.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Is God Saying, 'Wait'?
No good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly. - Psalm 84:11 NKJV
Often the toughest times in life are those moments when all we know about God doesn't seem to help or get us the results we want. That's when we learn about His silence. Whenever God doesn't say a word, He's teaching, even in stillness. He's allowing us to grow by forcing us to think, study and arrive at conclusions while He stands by like the loving parent He is. Faith comes by hearing, but patience comes by silence. Patience is what God gives you when bad things remain unchanged. It's His sedative for the troubled heart. It's the balm He rubs into your aching muscles when it feels like you're being stretched to breaking point. These are the times when the pain lasts so long that only God can release the patience required - the sheer grace to get you through it.
There are great benefits to waiting. For example, if you learn to wait and observe, you'll make better choices. The thing you think you can't live without today, you may be glad to live without tomorrow. '...No good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly' (Psalm 84:11 NKJV). So when God says, 'Wait,' trust Him. Either it's not what you need at this time, or He has something better in mind for you. You say, 'But what am I going to do in the meantime?' The Bible says, 'Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart...' (Psalm 27:14 NKJV). Stop fussing, stop pushing, allow God to work and you'll come out of this stronger and with a better result.
Often the toughest times in life are those moments when all we know about God doesn't seem to help or get us the results we want. That's when we learn about His silence. Whenever God doesn't say a word, He's teaching, even in stillness. He's allowing us to grow by forcing us to think, study and arrive at conclusions while He stands by like the loving parent He is. Faith comes by hearing, but patience comes by silence. Patience is what God gives you when bad things remain unchanged. It's His sedative for the troubled heart. It's the balm He rubs into your aching muscles when it feels like you're being stretched to breaking point. These are the times when the pain lasts so long that only God can release the patience required - the sheer grace to get you through it.
There are great benefits to waiting. For example, if you learn to wait and observe, you'll make better choices. The thing you think you can't live without today, you may be glad to live without tomorrow. '...No good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly' (Psalm 84:11 NKJV). So when God says, 'Wait,' trust Him. Either it's not what you need at this time, or He has something better in mind for you. You say, 'But what am I going to do in the meantime?' The Bible says, 'Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart...' (Psalm 27:14 NKJV). Stop fussing, stop pushing, allow God to work and you'll come out of this stronger and with a better result.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Learner
So the day came when Penang faced 'a team from Singapore' and we were all hyped up as we entered the Colosseum. I guess there was an element of being over confident evident in some faces. Although the first time facing an unknown opponent apart from the fact that they are Singapore a nation probably 10 years ahead of Malaysia in floorball.
As we stepped into the court the excitement grew and i found it somewhat hard to breathe and move, taking the fact that warm up wasn't quite enough. Was somewhat a blunder for me watching the balls fly pass us defenders consisting of the 3 FireBRANDS and one Last wall our Keeper Bryan Koh. The concept of defending to me was not clear but it took me one and a half periods to recognize that fact. I was wasting my energy and time going for blind blocks, chasing after anything that seemed to be in my path. And i think it was the third time that KY explained to me that i finally understood my role well enough and that was a little to late to make a difference in the score line which was already stepping away from our efforts. I guess my take on this is that we're still about two years behind in terms of playing together as a team and for some of us technically.
Tiring as it was it's a great experience playing with another set of islanders and I'm leaning through the way. If by any means this adds to the experience I've to gain it was more than worth it.
As we stepped into the court the excitement grew and i found it somewhat hard to breathe and move, taking the fact that warm up wasn't quite enough. Was somewhat a blunder for me watching the balls fly pass us defenders consisting of the 3 FireBRANDS and one Last wall our Keeper Bryan Koh. The concept of defending to me was not clear but it took me one and a half periods to recognize that fact. I was wasting my energy and time going for blind blocks, chasing after anything that seemed to be in my path. And i think it was the third time that KY explained to me that i finally understood my role well enough and that was a little to late to make a difference in the score line which was already stepping away from our efforts. I guess my take on this is that we're still about two years behind in terms of playing together as a team and for some of us technically.
Tiring as it was it's a great experience playing with another set of islanders and I'm leaning through the way. If by any means this adds to the experience I've to gain it was more than worth it.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Worship
Wow, It's been an exciting week for me. Coming back from Kulim from a worship seminar and going to a worship retreat the very next day in Penang Hill. Definitely one of the best experiences to have. I can say that I learned quite a bit in Kulim although my role there was to help facilitate but we learn as we teach too you know.
Going up to the mount was even more rewarding and I do think that it was God who planned for things to happen this way. Coz my going was a last minute thing. At first I didn't plan to go coz of work but i was relieved of work earlier than I planned and expected in time for this Retreat. However there was no place and I thought oh well, I guess I really won't be able to go. But God is faithful and opened a door for me to make it.
The experience there was irreplaceable. It's been a long time since I've really felt so close to His heart. We started to write songs one our own and I was kinda stuck with no music but I felt it was not the end. I wanted to press on further, i knew i needed some breakthrough. And God is faithful to answer the call of those who cry out to Him. Night time was spent in silence where i meditated on Isa 54:17 and for some reason 1 Pet 5:6-11.
Day 2 kicked off with quiet time and I read Ps104 and seriously after reading that psalm you won't be able to just sit down so i grabbed my camera and started to get close to creation and it's beauty, soaking in every bit of God's magnificence revealed through the things around us. And then we did some Divine Reading or Lectio Divina to hear what God was speaking to us through a passage. And when we open our ears to hear Him speak it's really easy to hear His voice. Then we split up in groups to write more songs and for our group a song was birthed. Sharon, Ken Jeen and I grouped up and started to mind map what we wanted to write about. We prayed before we started and started to scribble down all out ideas.. Then out of the blue i just had an inspiration from a simple chord and from there we grew the song from the pre-chorus to the chorus and then the verse where we kinda got stuck.. lolz and Ken Jeen suddenly popped the words out which totally just fit into the line and there we had our first almost complete song haha so we continued to work on it a bit after that to better shape it. So now it's sitting in the green house :)
Came the night, we started to sing about how He loved us and turned into a soaking of His presence and we took turns to prophecy to each other which was encouraging to see people being touched by His word. And the best part of it all was this morning when the seal was set in our lives with the anointing of oil where I couldn't stand but to break down at His touch.. It felt like i was totally drenched in His presence. I just saw a picture of myself being poured on with oil just soaking my whole body then just as i was prayed for like a flame just caught it and my whole being was covered with fire. It was just amazing. I don't know what else or how else i can describe the feeling or the experience. Just amazing
Going up to the mount was even more rewarding and I do think that it was God who planned for things to happen this way. Coz my going was a last minute thing. At first I didn't plan to go coz of work but i was relieved of work earlier than I planned and expected in time for this Retreat. However there was no place and I thought oh well, I guess I really won't be able to go. But God is faithful and opened a door for me to make it.
The experience there was irreplaceable. It's been a long time since I've really felt so close to His heart. We started to write songs one our own and I was kinda stuck with no music but I felt it was not the end. I wanted to press on further, i knew i needed some breakthrough. And God is faithful to answer the call of those who cry out to Him. Night time was spent in silence where i meditated on Isa 54:17 and for some reason 1 Pet 5:6-11.
Day 2 kicked off with quiet time and I read Ps104 and seriously after reading that psalm you won't be able to just sit down so i grabbed my camera and started to get close to creation and it's beauty, soaking in every bit of God's magnificence revealed through the things around us. And then we did some Divine Reading or Lectio Divina to hear what God was speaking to us through a passage. And when we open our ears to hear Him speak it's really easy to hear His voice. Then we split up in groups to write more songs and for our group a song was birthed. Sharon, Ken Jeen and I grouped up and started to mind map what we wanted to write about. We prayed before we started and started to scribble down all out ideas.. Then out of the blue i just had an inspiration from a simple chord and from there we grew the song from the pre-chorus to the chorus and then the verse where we kinda got stuck.. lolz and Ken Jeen suddenly popped the words out which totally just fit into the line and there we had our first almost complete song haha so we continued to work on it a bit after that to better shape it. So now it's sitting in the green house :)
Came the night, we started to sing about how He loved us and turned into a soaking of His presence and we took turns to prophecy to each other which was encouraging to see people being touched by His word. And the best part of it all was this morning when the seal was set in our lives with the anointing of oil where I couldn't stand but to break down at His touch.. It felt like i was totally drenched in His presence. I just saw a picture of myself being poured on with oil just soaking my whole body then just as i was prayed for like a flame just caught it and my whole being was covered with fire. It was just amazing. I don't know what else or how else i can describe the feeling or the experience. Just amazing
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Missing (In) Action
Today's a Saturday and I'm not where I'm usually at, and where I usually am at is not nearly where I am right now. Ok, Thank you for reading :P
Lol that's not all haha, Ok so usually on Saturdays my schedule goes like this...
Morning
8 a.m. Prayer Meet
9 a.m. Junior Youth Band
11 a.m. Breakfast
12:30 Floorball
and sometimes
5 p.m. Worship Practice for youth service
6 p.m. bible class
7:15 pre-service prayer
then supper after youth
But this week I cut half my schedule away.. XD
I certainly missed the young people known as FireBrands!! and their burning passion but I had the opportunity to be of service elsewhere, where I'm more needed :) after all we're called to make a difference right?
I went to Kulim to help out in the Worship seminar to help our Kulimites improve in their tools of worship. So after floorball i went home, got caught in the rain a little.. which was a good time to Thank God :) slept for a bit then headed to Kulim at 7ish.
Upon reaching Kulim I started to set up the drums and all then practice the songs for the night. So syok syok practice lo.. then after that i realized my wallet was totally missing. I remembered taking it out from my bag at home. I was worried I might have lost it which would give me a heck of a trouble having to remake my IC, license, road-tax, etc. etc. which is a hassle. So by right I should be panicking and worrying what might happen and all. However, surprisingly i had a peace that i didn't feel engulfed my worries. Not to say that i wasn't worried but there's just this peaceful feeling I had. Not to say that i'm trying to super spiritualize things but i think the Devil wasn't happy with what might happen tonight in Kulim so he prolly devised something to distract us from our priority which is God. But his plan failed and His plan succeeded. But boy did i pray that it wasn't lost somewhere in BM coz we went there for dinner on the way to Kulim.
I reached home and i found my wallet on the couch where i was sitting before i left the house. =D Thank God. I hope FireBrands enjoyed yourselves with worship and our Elder Speaking.
Lol that's not all haha, Ok so usually on Saturdays my schedule goes like this...
Morning
8 a.m. Prayer Meet
9 a.m. Junior Youth Band
11 a.m. Breakfast
12:30 Floorball
and sometimes
5 p.m. Worship Practice for youth service
6 p.m. bible class
7:15 pre-service prayer
then supper after youth
But this week I cut half my schedule away.. XD
I certainly missed the young people known as FireBrands!! and their burning passion but I had the opportunity to be of service elsewhere, where I'm more needed :) after all we're called to make a difference right?
I went to Kulim to help out in the Worship seminar to help our Kulimites improve in their tools of worship. So after floorball i went home, got caught in the rain a little.. which was a good time to Thank God :) slept for a bit then headed to Kulim at 7ish.
Upon reaching Kulim I started to set up the drums and all then practice the songs for the night. So syok syok practice lo.. then after that i realized my wallet was totally missing. I remembered taking it out from my bag at home. I was worried I might have lost it which would give me a heck of a trouble having to remake my IC, license, road-tax, etc. etc. which is a hassle. So by right I should be panicking and worrying what might happen and all. However, surprisingly i had a peace that i didn't feel engulfed my worries. Not to say that i wasn't worried but there's just this peaceful feeling I had. Not to say that i'm trying to super spiritualize things but i think the Devil wasn't happy with what might happen tonight in Kulim so he prolly devised something to distract us from our priority which is God. But his plan failed and His plan succeeded. But boy did i pray that it wasn't lost somewhere in BM coz we went there for dinner on the way to Kulim.
I reached home and i found my wallet on the couch where i was sitting before i left the house. =D Thank God. I hope FireBrands enjoyed yourselves with worship and our Elder Speaking.
Friday, March 12, 2010
So Yesterday
So finally the long awaited match review on BorakBorakFloorball is up and I guess i can say it's pretty much what i expected. Our lack in finishing is what's causing us the low scoreline although i do believe we are still on the rise in our form, so hopefully we can build up the momentum in the two weeks of so called given time to improve ourselves even further.
Having said that i was kinda disappointed that yesterday's training was canceled due to lack of numbers being able to make it. Kinda sad. OH yeah and it was result taking time for those who sat for their SPM examination last year and boy did they do well :).
I know although some of you out there think you could've done better but i guess if you put your best in it then it's already good. Although it might not really sound like a compliment if you're really down.. But yeah pick yourself up and move on to the next step in life yea =D.
So I spent the earlier part of the day in SXI with the boys and saw their happy faces. Then went to lunch with Dan, Gary, Sam, Akash, and Jun Cheng whom i couldn't recognize since he lost so much weight lolz. Right after that headed to Gurney to meet up with Ming Yen and Jo Lene for a movie (The Book of Eli). Before that lunch part two lol.. since i didn't eat much at the mamak (a bit sick of mamak food) so we went walking round and round gurney then someone suggested Winter Warmers and i was like WHYYY??? so we went to chillis instead lol.. had the Old Timer which was nice the food actually came in time for us to catch the movie though unfortunately we still missed a little bit from the beginning as *ahem* Ming Yen was acting like she's never met people outside school to everyone she met along the way XD. Imagine this; she would just run and squeal when she saw anyone she knew -.- yesh literally.
So it made everything verrrry exciting lol.
After the movie it was raining totally heavy so i thought maybe need to arrange my transport to training in Balik Pulau, and that's when i found out training had been canceled.. the sadness. So nvm la since come out all the way to Penang d didn't wanna go back so early so called andrew asked for the plan of the evening. And the final destination was CoD woot woot. Totally got pwned haha and oh top friendly fire was me -.- totally down again. Actually coz of this mode called martyrdom where you drop a bomb upon death so if the person kills you at close range you'd blow 'em up too but unfortunately when i got killed my teammates were like totally next to me so... BOOM they also died.. XD. And the last destination was ABU, or also known as Sinar Cahaya (i think) where we sat, talked, talked, talked more and changed seats(some people), and talked more till about 2 something.. almost three i think so by the time i reached home it was 3 something. Totally crasheddd...
Having said that i was kinda disappointed that yesterday's training was canceled due to lack of numbers being able to make it. Kinda sad. OH yeah and it was result taking time for those who sat for their SPM examination last year and boy did they do well :).
I know although some of you out there think you could've done better but i guess if you put your best in it then it's already good. Although it might not really sound like a compliment if you're really down.. But yeah pick yourself up and move on to the next step in life yea =D.
So I spent the earlier part of the day in SXI with the boys and saw their happy faces. Then went to lunch with Dan, Gary, Sam, Akash, and Jun Cheng whom i couldn't recognize since he lost so much weight lolz. Right after that headed to Gurney to meet up with Ming Yen and Jo Lene for a movie (The Book of Eli). Before that lunch part two lol.. since i didn't eat much at the mamak (a bit sick of mamak food) so we went walking round and round gurney then someone suggested Winter Warmers and i was like WHYYY??? so we went to chillis instead lol.. had the Old Timer which was nice the food actually came in time for us to catch the movie though unfortunately we still missed a little bit from the beginning as *ahem* Ming Yen was acting like she's never met people outside school to everyone she met along the way XD. Imagine this; she would just run and squeal when she saw anyone she knew -.- yesh literally.
So it made everything verrrry exciting lol.
After the movie it was raining totally heavy so i thought maybe need to arrange my transport to training in Balik Pulau, and that's when i found out training had been canceled.. the sadness. So nvm la since come out all the way to Penang d didn't wanna go back so early so called andrew asked for the plan of the evening. And the final destination was CoD woot woot. Totally got pwned haha and oh top friendly fire was me -.- totally down again. Actually coz of this mode called martyrdom where you drop a bomb upon death so if the person kills you at close range you'd blow 'em up too but unfortunately when i got killed my teammates were like totally next to me so... BOOM they also died.. XD. And the last destination was ABU, or also known as Sinar Cahaya (i think) where we sat, talked, talked, talked more and changed seats(some people), and talked more till about 2 something.. almost three i think so by the time i reached home it was 3 something. Totally crasheddd...
Sunday, March 07, 2010
Living By Faith
All these gained [God's] approval - Hebrews 11:39 NAS
Hebrews chapter 11 is often referred to as 'the gallery of faith'. Two groups are mentioned. Group one '...escaped... the sword...' (Hebrews 11:34 NAS). Group two '...were put to death with the sword...' (Hebrews 11:37 NAS). Now we'd all like to be in group one, but the Bible says both groups '...gained [God's] approval through their faith...' (Hebrews 11:39 NAS). The Message paraphrases this Scripture: '...these people of faith died not yet having in hand what was promised, but still believing. How did they do it? They saw it way off in the distance...' (Hebrews 11:13 TM). Their faith kept them focused!
Sometimes faith is an instrument of change; at other times it's a means of survival. It's what gives you the tenacity to trust God when His will seems to clash with yours. Often your faith is perfected more when things don't change than when they do. You don't need faith for what you can see or have already attained; you need it when life makes no sense, when you can't explain why the baby dies, or the job falls through, or the marriage isn't working, or the wicked prosper, or the good die, or the righteous suffer, or the kind receive no comfort. We think there's only one good outcome - the one we want. No, we must trust the character and plan of God; who He is and what He does. We must see Him at work in whatever comes our way. And even when we can't, we must trust Him, knowing '...God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose...' (Romans 8:28 NLT). Did you get that? Everything!
Hebrews chapter 11 is often referred to as 'the gallery of faith'. Two groups are mentioned. Group one '...escaped... the sword...' (Hebrews 11:34 NAS). Group two '...were put to death with the sword...' (Hebrews 11:37 NAS). Now we'd all like to be in group one, but the Bible says both groups '...gained [God's] approval through their faith...' (Hebrews 11:39 NAS). The Message paraphrases this Scripture: '...these people of faith died not yet having in hand what was promised, but still believing. How did they do it? They saw it way off in the distance...' (Hebrews 11:13 TM). Their faith kept them focused!
Sometimes faith is an instrument of change; at other times it's a means of survival. It's what gives you the tenacity to trust God when His will seems to clash with yours. Often your faith is perfected more when things don't change than when they do. You don't need faith for what you can see or have already attained; you need it when life makes no sense, when you can't explain why the baby dies, or the job falls through, or the marriage isn't working, or the wicked prosper, or the good die, or the righteous suffer, or the kind receive no comfort. We think there's only one good outcome - the one we want. No, we must trust the character and plan of God; who He is and what He does. We must see Him at work in whatever comes our way. And even when we can't, we must trust Him, knowing '...God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose...' (Romans 8:28 NLT). Did you get that? Everything!
Thursday, March 04, 2010
Life's a bag of dust
At this moment I am completely lost. No sense of direction, no heading, no bearings, no earnings whatsoever, 'NOTHING' is what's spelled when you tap into the ATM of my brain. Since I thought I was on the direction of serving in the ministry I've been swept up from under my feet and thrown down the roller-coaster ride of my life.
The plans that were drawn up just wiped off the board. It's funny isn't how sometimes people tell you they can help you out if you just trust them. Yeah right! It's basically because I thought that it could actually happen this time that I so blindly got caught up in the waves of complacency. Well ok, I admit that losing the job was my mistake, not going to work for too many days and telling the wrong source is partly what caused for this outcome. Yet as I thought the way paved into getting myself involved in the ministry would open the path just suddenly disappeared.
Do I really have to do things myself? Is it ever going to be easy for me to just see my life's map laid in front of me? OR am I just going to keep getting stuck in this hazy world of uncertainty?
I honestly don't know where I'm headed next. Is this another of those times where you think you have it and then God comes and wipes the board clean again? I'm so sick and tired of getting blank pieces of the puzzle that don't seem to be fitting in anywhere and I'm sick of relying on people. I am not looking for a charity organization to just pick and follow behind for left over bread. I guess I've been brought up in an over protected lifestyle that I don't understand what it means to really and i mean REALLY, face LIFE in the face. Growing up protected can actually do more damage than good because it does not prepare you for reality until the one day when you think you're ready for it then you get hit SMACK in your face that life isn't and hasn't been and will never be what you think it to be.
What does it really mean to be in ministry? how does it fare when you serve not hoping to get paid but yet believing you'd be fed with no one giving you bread. Although the word clearly says you'll be fed if you work. How does that really work now? When all these years nothing has come of it that isn't from the head of the house instead of feeding the ones who also toil and sweat, breaking their mental muscles and fighting to keep things going in the organization known as the BODY. It's almost as thought I would give up, as though I will give in, it's almost the point of me breaking and turning away from this facade that has so much blinded me from the real world. I need to break away
The plans that were drawn up just wiped off the board. It's funny isn't how sometimes people tell you they can help you out if you just trust them. Yeah right! It's basically because I thought that it could actually happen this time that I so blindly got caught up in the waves of complacency. Well ok, I admit that losing the job was my mistake, not going to work for too many days and telling the wrong source is partly what caused for this outcome. Yet as I thought the way paved into getting myself involved in the ministry would open the path just suddenly disappeared.
Do I really have to do things myself? Is it ever going to be easy for me to just see my life's map laid in front of me? OR am I just going to keep getting stuck in this hazy world of uncertainty?
I honestly don't know where I'm headed next. Is this another of those times where you think you have it and then God comes and wipes the board clean again? I'm so sick and tired of getting blank pieces of the puzzle that don't seem to be fitting in anywhere and I'm sick of relying on people. I am not looking for a charity organization to just pick and follow behind for left over bread. I guess I've been brought up in an over protected lifestyle that I don't understand what it means to really and i mean REALLY, face LIFE in the face. Growing up protected can actually do more damage than good because it does not prepare you for reality until the one day when you think you're ready for it then you get hit SMACK in your face that life isn't and hasn't been and will never be what you think it to be.
What does it really mean to be in ministry? how does it fare when you serve not hoping to get paid but yet believing you'd be fed with no one giving you bread. Although the word clearly says you'll be fed if you work. How does that really work now? When all these years nothing has come of it that isn't from the head of the house instead of feeding the ones who also toil and sweat, breaking their mental muscles and fighting to keep things going in the organization known as the BODY. It's almost as thought I would give up, as though I will give in, it's almost the point of me breaking and turning away from this facade that has so much blinded me from the real world. I need to break away
Wednesday, March 03, 2010
Today loh...
Well for starters i think i'm falling sick again this time.. last week was a headache this week sinus and a cough coming. DOn't know if I'm gonna be able to pull through the week for the div2 game on Saturday.
Went to work today feeling all heaty inside and nose starting to expel the watery stuff.. So work my way through the day.. which was pretty hot and humid driving the van most of the day picking up stuff sending stuff etc etc all under the hot sun with the van's air cond out of order it was a killer.. went to lunch at McD at Tesco... and thats where i saw an angel or so to me it was.. lolz.. there was this pretty lady sitting at the table opposite to mine. I think she was an auditor or something, prolly been there the whole morning too. So here i was, wondering if she's taken or married, or still single, or is she from chinese school then suddenly potong stim.. one old lady sat in between our table... totally block my view... -.- terus down..
anyways.. After work went to state training half sickly.. and the best part was killer here and killer there.. woot woot. Having fun with training or so you think. I mean of course it was fun but also tiring.. Just hoping i didn't faint like half way through the training... which made us shed a lot of sweat. During the drills i almost killed two goalies.. unintentionally la.. ter-hit them.. Then Game time my turn to kena hit.. i ran up to the opposite player to block the shot then the blade came up almost to my face coz i kinda went low but ended up hitting my finger.. *Ouch* bled a little coz of the "sharp" edge of the blade hit between my knuckle.
So i'm still wondering if i should go work or half day or terus sleep.. zZz althought the last choice would be the best lolz.
Went to work today feeling all heaty inside and nose starting to expel the watery stuff.. So work my way through the day.. which was pretty hot and humid driving the van most of the day picking up stuff sending stuff etc etc all under the hot sun with the van's air cond out of order it was a killer.. went to lunch at McD at Tesco... and thats where i saw an angel or so to me it was.. lolz.. there was this pretty lady sitting at the table opposite to mine. I think she was an auditor or something, prolly been there the whole morning too. So here i was, wondering if she's taken or married, or still single, or is she from chinese school then suddenly potong stim.. one old lady sat in between our table... totally block my view... -.- terus down..
anyways.. After work went to state training half sickly.. and the best part was killer here and killer there.. woot woot. Having fun with training or so you think. I mean of course it was fun but also tiring.. Just hoping i didn't faint like half way through the training... which made us shed a lot of sweat. During the drills i almost killed two goalies.. unintentionally la.. ter-hit them.. Then Game time my turn to kena hit.. i ran up to the opposite player to block the shot then the blade came up almost to my face coz i kinda went low but ended up hitting my finger.. *Ouch* bled a little coz of the "sharp" edge of the blade hit between my knuckle.
So i'm still wondering if i should go work or half day or terus sleep.. zZz althought the last choice would be the best lolz.
Monday, March 01, 2010
Song INspiring and Ministering
Hillsong United - Arms Open Wide
Take my life I lay it down
At the cross where I am found
All I have I give to You oh God
Take my hands and make them clean
Keep my heart in purity
That I may walk in all You have for me
Oh here I stand
Arms open wide
Oh I am Yours
And You are mine
Take my moments and my days
Let each breath that I take
Be ever only for You oh God
Oh here I stand
Arms open wide
Oh I am Yours
And You are mine
My whole life is Yours
I give it all
Surrendered to Your Name
And forever I will pray
Have Your way
Have Your way
Oh here I stand
Arms open wide
Oh I am Yours
And You are mine
Monday, February 15, 2010
Truth
The road to victory is paved with sweat and sometimes blood. But it's the pain and suffering, the sacrifice we make to reach the peak which makes it so worth it at the end of the day.
If we are unwilling to make sacrifices and to drag ourselves into doing our best when we don't feel like it we will never achieve the goal that was set.
All the hype that was set up was an illusion that we cast on ourselves to think that we are capable of achieving victory just because we are able to shout and cheer with all our might when everything is not right.
Ok well if you still don't know where i'm getting at i'm talking about the floorball club. It seems as though we will get nowhere far this year with the amount of effort put in by the players. We've gone as far as to get the facilities to prepare ourselves and it's literally far just to train and yet the amount of commitment shown is unsatisfactory. When will we see the truth that we will not aciehve anything by just aspiring with our minds but not with our actions. Although on paper maybe we have the strongest team, maybe we are the most dangerous team, maybe we are noted as a threat, and maybe we are able to achieve a div 1 team status. But in actual reality, we are nothing. We have proven nothing, and we have achieve little in comparison to what we could have actually reached with our strengths and capabilities.
How long will we stall? how long will we choose to live in the illusion of just shouting div1 at every practice and not giving our best when the real thing comes. Winning over a bunch of little boys is just an exhibition. It's not even a match so to speak. And with the level differences the scoreline should have been way more than what was recorded. Am i stating all this just to put us down? No. I'm not trying to ruin everyone's hopes and dreams but i'm tryin to help people understand and see the situation that we are in right now. Our actions do not match our words. I do seriously hope that we will be able to wake up to the truth and reality and realize the lie that we're deceiving ourselves with and work hard. We can do it. We really are capable of winning it all if only we put in more effort to try and push ourselves to be the best.
If we are unwilling to make sacrifices and to drag ourselves into doing our best when we don't feel like it we will never achieve the goal that was set.
All the hype that was set up was an illusion that we cast on ourselves to think that we are capable of achieving victory just because we are able to shout and cheer with all our might when everything is not right.
Ok well if you still don't know where i'm getting at i'm talking about the floorball club. It seems as though we will get nowhere far this year with the amount of effort put in by the players. We've gone as far as to get the facilities to prepare ourselves and it's literally far just to train and yet the amount of commitment shown is unsatisfactory. When will we see the truth that we will not aciehve anything by just aspiring with our minds but not with our actions. Although on paper maybe we have the strongest team, maybe we are the most dangerous team, maybe we are noted as a threat, and maybe we are able to achieve a div 1 team status. But in actual reality, we are nothing. We have proven nothing, and we have achieve little in comparison to what we could have actually reached with our strengths and capabilities.
How long will we stall? how long will we choose to live in the illusion of just shouting div1 at every practice and not giving our best when the real thing comes. Winning over a bunch of little boys is just an exhibition. It's not even a match so to speak. And with the level differences the scoreline should have been way more than what was recorded. Am i stating all this just to put us down? No. I'm not trying to ruin everyone's hopes and dreams but i'm tryin to help people understand and see the situation that we are in right now. Our actions do not match our words. I do seriously hope that we will be able to wake up to the truth and reality and realize the lie that we're deceiving ourselves with and work hard. We can do it. We really are capable of winning it all if only we put in more effort to try and push ourselves to be the best.
Tuesday, February 02, 2010
Thursday, January 28, 2010
The Game... or The Stick?
So the long awaited friendly match for the firebrands has finally materialized and our first opponents are the Frontliners 300 which we will face again in the PFL div 2 game. Firebrands has grown tremendously since it first started around the same time last year with only a handful of players. Thinking back i think it's a one year celebration for me getting involved in floorball since i started late January when everyone else had started a little earlier in the month. As i mentioned firebrands has grown much with people coming from Hamid Khan school and BJ and although there were new comers there were also people who left us. We hope you find a place that suits you well :) as for me firebrands ROCK!!!
OH well though we have so many But... tonight we play with 9 knights and 2 castles if I put them in chess terms =D. All the excitement in the air, i could feel my body pumping up heart rate getting in the groove haha although it's not the first time playing in the BIG court it's still a game and besides I finally get to use my new weapon. The Fatpipe John Doe 28 which i just got on Monday haha. The hype about it has had me trebling with adrenaline to be able to put it to action. I mean yeah I've tried it around with the ball, control and some shots it's great but to really use it in a game is completely different and the anticipation paid off in the end.
First quarter of game, Captain Gary led the team with Andrew and Fred on def, sorry can't really remember the forwards XD. we Played a passing game with quick changes made to the line since we only have 9 to run around with. I can't really remember how many minutes into the game but we had the first goal in the first quart by JohnDoe28 :) and then another one in the second quart. And I think three in the last quart or 2 each between the two but it ended with a score line of 5 - 0 And I'm happy that we didn't concede any goals :) Good job to Ray for managing to save so many shots if it wasn't for him i think the score would be a bloodbash ok well maybe not that bad hahah but still he was a good goalie XD being thrown in on the last minute as well hahah.
Anyways this post is actually about my stick hahah. I think i'll use two words to sum up how i feel about the stick; "perfectly satisfied!" that's how i feel about it. I don't think there would be any better for me as for now. Honestly when i was at my office working all i could think about was tonight getting to use my stick hahah. It feels like it's my first time going out to meet a date or sumthing haha seriously. ok it's embarrassing but it did felt that way haha.
Those who wonder about my X3M TYCOON it's still for sale, haven't sold it yet so if you are interested please let me know yea thank you :)
Our Group Pic First Friendly of the Year and for the Club
And the prize winner!! =D John DOE
OH well though we have so many But... tonight we play with 9 knights and 2 castles if I put them in chess terms =D. All the excitement in the air, i could feel my body pumping up heart rate getting in the groove haha although it's not the first time playing in the BIG court it's still a game and besides I finally get to use my new weapon. The Fatpipe John Doe 28 which i just got on Monday haha. The hype about it has had me trebling with adrenaline to be able to put it to action. I mean yeah I've tried it around with the ball, control and some shots it's great but to really use it in a game is completely different and the anticipation paid off in the end.
First quarter of game, Captain Gary led the team with Andrew and Fred on def, sorry can't really remember the forwards XD. we Played a passing game with quick changes made to the line since we only have 9 to run around with. I can't really remember how many minutes into the game but we had the first goal in the first quart by JohnDoe28 :) and then another one in the second quart. And I think three in the last quart or 2 each between the two but it ended with a score line of 5 - 0 And I'm happy that we didn't concede any goals :) Good job to Ray for managing to save so many shots if it wasn't for him i think the score would be a bloodbash ok well maybe not that bad hahah but still he was a good goalie XD being thrown in on the last minute as well hahah.
Anyways this post is actually about my stick hahah. I think i'll use two words to sum up how i feel about the stick; "perfectly satisfied!" that's how i feel about it. I don't think there would be any better for me as for now. Honestly when i was at my office working all i could think about was tonight getting to use my stick hahah. It feels like it's my first time going out to meet a date or sumthing haha seriously. ok it's embarrassing but it did felt that way haha.
Those who wonder about my X3M TYCOON it's still for sale, haven't sold it yet so if you are interested please let me know yea thank you :)
Our Group Pic First Friendly of the Year and for the Club
And the prize winner!! =D John DOE
Thursday, January 21, 2010
THE LIONSHARE Trailer 'A' from Joshua Bernhard on Vimeo.
Well.. i just saw this interesting ultra low budget film about some lionshare software
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Sometimes Love
Recently this song has been stuck inside my head for some odd reasons. I don't know why but yeah it's just there. So I've been thinking about people around me those in relationships. Those in ones that last, those in ones that end up in a sad end and those who.. well change 'clothes' all the time.
As I thought deeper and as I look at so many of these 'come and go' around it seems as though love comes hard. Each with his/her own perception meeting for the first time then trying to fill in the gaps that is found in the other person. It's like pouring sand into a bucket of rocks to fill up the gaps but in the end the weight tears the bucket apart. People get happy, people become sad, all these emotions run around a person's head when they're in 'love'. Love sometimes blinds, love sometimes heals, love sometimes takes away and love sometimes gives and love can also hurt.
A person close to me once told me the other person is talking about marriage and said "I'm too young for all these". I can't help but wonder why then did this relationship start if you don't think that it's for you?
And as I pondered upon the fact that many more people have the same take on relationship (by that i mean intimate relationships) I can't help but to say that a relationship is not a game, it is not something you enter just to feel happy for the moment or to use as a substitute to find yourself complete, it is something where you understand the meaning of sacrifice and willingness to give up self to complete the other. It is something you get into after considering the fact that you will share the rest of your entire life with someone.
As I thought deeper and as I look at so many of these 'come and go' around it seems as though love comes hard. Each with his/her own perception meeting for the first time then trying to fill in the gaps that is found in the other person. It's like pouring sand into a bucket of rocks to fill up the gaps but in the end the weight tears the bucket apart. People get happy, people become sad, all these emotions run around a person's head when they're in 'love'. Love sometimes blinds, love sometimes heals, love sometimes takes away and love sometimes gives and love can also hurt.
A person close to me once told me the other person is talking about marriage and said "I'm too young for all these". I can't help but wonder why then did this relationship start if you don't think that it's for you?
And as I pondered upon the fact that many more people have the same take on relationship (by that i mean intimate relationships) I can't help but to say that a relationship is not a game, it is not something you enter just to feel happy for the moment or to use as a substitute to find yourself complete, it is something where you understand the meaning of sacrifice and willingness to give up self to complete the other. It is something you get into after considering the fact that you will share the rest of your entire life with someone.
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